Saturday, October 5, 2013

31days // My Story

I got into my first relationship in March of my freshman year of high school. For a girl who spent the majority of her life waiting for this moment, it was surreal. I was in a group of friends that consisted of about 10 of the most dramatic girls I've ever known. I consider myself one of the top contributors, and it wasn't our fault, we met in 8th grade drama class. 

Over the course of our friendship, it seemed to rotate who had "the boyfriend." Sometimes, it was even the same boy with a different girl (like I said: dramatic). I always envied the others when it was their turn, and now, it was finally mine. I had the boy walking over to meet me for lunch. I had the name "boyfriend" in my phone directory. And I even got a hand made card from a friend on our 1 month anniversary. Back then, it certainly was something to celebrate. 

We lasted a solid month before I broke up with him over a rumored spring break cheating incident; a rumor that he openly admitted to starting, although he swore it wasn't true. 

Although I ended the relationship, I didn't escape the mourning. I finally had found what I had been wanting for as long as I could remember, a boy who wanted to make me his. It may have been a boy who thought a rumor about cheating on his girlfriend made him look cool, but it was a boy nonetheless. 

I missed being able to call someone my "boyfriend". I missed feeling the security of being taken. And I missed awaiting the daily visit and hug during our lunch break. The anger over the rumored cheating incident lasted all of about 5 minutes. Long enough to end the relationship, but not long enough to get over it. I found myself pining over the boy before the end of the school year. 

Thus began about a 6 month season of playing racquetball with my heart. It was the epitome of an on-again, off-again "relationship." And sadly, each on-again segment got slightly more physical than the last. By the end of the season, I was giving him far more than I had ever given a man physically, and getting none of the security of a normal relationship. I look back now, and realize that I barely knew this person who had such a grip on my heart. I was also only 15 years old, and already feeling like I needed intimacy to win over a man. 

In the middle of this giant mess of teenage emotions, hormones and intimacy, another man was added to the mix. Fortunately, this particular man was unlike any of the others I had ever known. I met him on a high school church retreat that I was invited to by a friend, and his name was
Jesus


4 comments:

Hilda said...

Wow! ... Just... Wow!! :O It's like Jesus came to the rescue. :)

m. said...

I LOVE that you're writing about purity for 31 days! I'm mentoring two highschool girls right now & will be sharing your wisdom via your posts with them :) ((ps: found you via the 31 days link up & will certainly be following along from now on!))

L said...

I am LOVING this girl!!! Tears when I want to give the 15 year-old you a great big hug and tell you to chase that other man in your life and give Him your whole heart!!! I LOVE hearing your story!! =)
Need to sit down tomorrow and catch up on your posts!
Love you!!

Leah said...

i agree with m. on your series being useful to mentor teenage girls. it's such a great topic to write about amy. a brave and encouraging one.