Before I go further, I want to reiterate something. These 31 days are devoted to writing on purity, and as part of that, I truly feel led to share my story. I feel led to share my past experiences, my lessons, my struggles and the freedom I have found. I feel led to share for you. You, who are reading this story, nodding your head, and thinking "me, too!" You, who are battling with shame from your past, and questioning how you could ever shine for Jesus with a past that feels dirty. You, who want to believe in God and live a life that glorifies Him, but are still struggling with understanding how a relationship can be serious and intimate without sex. Or maybe it's you, who was reading this blog thinking "She's got it all figured it out", and maybe you need to hear that no, she does not.
I'm here to say that I've been where you've been. And as scary as it is to write such intimate things on the internet, I'm willing to do that for you. Because you deserve to know that you are not alone in this battle. This battle of fighting to live a God-glorifying life when everything in the world (and in our own flesh) seems to do the opposite.
The one thing I want to say before continuing, is that I am sharing bits and pieces of my story. I am sharing in retrospect, hindsight. I didn't go through life feeling broken and sad all the time, except maybe when I was nursing a break up. I didn't always feel broken, but there were signs that that's exactly what was going on in my heart.
If you're reading this, feeling like I didn't have a good childhood, then allow me to clarify. I had a wonderful childhood. I was blessed to have an incredible family, and extended family. I was beyond lucky to have many, many amazing friends over the years. A good amount of which are still in my life today.
I wasn't broken because of ________ (fill in the blank here). I was broken because we live in a broken world, point blank. I just want to reiterate that, because I don't want it to seem like I'm blaming my brokenness on _________ (insert same blank from above here). There wasn't a defining experience that led to it, and there's not something that could have prevented it. It's just the world we live in. All of the pieces may be in place, but they're not going to work properly without the One who made them.
I promise to try and keep the disclaimers to a minimum, but it's just important for me to get them out when talking about such a deep and personal topic. I want this series to bless people, not upset or hurt people. I never want people from my past to read blog posts and feel responsible for my brokenness, or worse, feel that I didn't appreciate them or their friendship.
For the record, I wouldn't change a thing about my past. I wouldn't go back and remove the brokenness, even if I could. My brokenness reminds me of how much I need a Savior, and my past helps me remember how much the Lord has changed my heart.
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
// 2 Corinthians 12:9b //