It might not have been love at first sight, but it didn't take long for me to fall for this dashing young man. He wasn't like the last boy I had dated; he was not afraid to show that he was kind, sincere and caring. He had a shy innocence about him that kept me waiting a looong time for even just a hug. It took even longer to establish any sort of relationship status, but I look back now and smile on those times. The long walks home where we parted without a single hug, because we were too afraid to lean in for one. The AOL Instant Messenger conversations that I read and reread, searching for any sort of confirmation that the boy reciprocated my feelings. The first time he wrapped his arm around me and my heart skipped about 5 beats. Those were some of my favorite parts of our 2 year long relationship, and they happened before the real relationship even began.
We were just about two months shy of turning 16 when we made our relationship official. It may have taken a while to get to that point, but once we did, things moved quickly. The feelings were there, yes they were. And it didn't take long for us to start finding ways of expressing them.
We were going to church. We were listening to the sermons, getting into the Word, and worshiping together. We were doing everything that you would think would help us keep our relationship pure. But it didn't work.
Our youth pastor saying "don't have sex before marriage" was one voice. One, single voice. That one voice was up against the tv shows, and the popular songs, and the magazines, and the books, and the movies. All of which were saying the exact opposite, that when two people are in love, sex is what they do. Sex is how they express that love.
As I said before, I don't regret the path that my life took. I don't blame anyone for the decisions that I made. The fact is, I have a Savior who can use each and every piece of my past for His glory.
But, I do think that I can take away some lessons, as I look back in retrospect. I wonder what would have happened if a woman youth leader had asked to meet with me one on one. I wonder what would have happened if she had asked me how my purity was going. I wonder if I would have broken down, and told her how guilty I felt about everything, the way that I did one evening to my mom. I wonder if she could have reassured me that what I was feeling was normal. That it was normal to battle temptation, but that I didn't have to walk in it alone. That I didn't have to give into the normal temptations I was feeling.
I wonder what would have happened if a male youth leader in the church has asked my boyfriend to meet one on one. I wonder if with mentors in our lives, we would have made different choices. It seemed as if we were told what to do, but our young minds didn't understand how to do it. Not when everything inside of us and outside of us was telling us a different story.
I wonder what would have happened if someone had taken the time to sit with us and explain what purity really is. That it isn't about simply following a list of rules, but it comes from letting the Spirit change our hearts. The fact is, none of us can live pure lives without the help of the Holy Spirit. That's why the Helper was given to us in the first place.
I say these things for those of you with young women or men in your lives. Sit them down one on one. Let them open up about the temptations that they feel, and ensure them that there is no shame or condemnation. Show them how to walk in the Spirit as they battle these temptations.
Explain to them why we don't have sex until marriage. Because I can attest first hand that sex is powerful. It's meant for the security of a marriage covenant because of the insane grip that it places on our hearts. And at my young age, I was not even conscious of the effects it was having on me.
Until tomorrow, lovelies. Oh, and happy Monday. :)
We were just about two months shy of turning 16 when we made our relationship official. It may have taken a while to get to that point, but once we did, things moved quickly. The feelings were there, yes they were. And it didn't take long for us to start finding ways of expressing them.
We were going to church. We were listening to the sermons, getting into the Word, and worshiping together. We were doing everything that you would think would help us keep our relationship pure. But it didn't work.
Our youth pastor saying "don't have sex before marriage" was one voice. One, single voice. That one voice was up against the tv shows, and the popular songs, and the magazines, and the books, and the movies. All of which were saying the exact opposite, that when two people are in love, sex is what they do. Sex is how they express that love.
As I said before, I don't regret the path that my life took. I don't blame anyone for the decisions that I made. The fact is, I have a Savior who can use each and every piece of my past for His glory.
But, I do think that I can take away some lessons, as I look back in retrospect. I wonder what would have happened if a woman youth leader had asked to meet with me one on one. I wonder what would have happened if she had asked me how my purity was going. I wonder if I would have broken down, and told her how guilty I felt about everything, the way that I did one evening to my mom. I wonder if she could have reassured me that what I was feeling was normal. That it was normal to battle temptation, but that I didn't have to walk in it alone. That I didn't have to give into the normal temptations I was feeling.
I wonder what would have happened if a male youth leader in the church has asked my boyfriend to meet one on one. I wonder if with mentors in our lives, we would have made different choices. It seemed as if we were told what to do, but our young minds didn't understand how to do it. Not when everything inside of us and outside of us was telling us a different story.
I wonder what would have happened if someone had taken the time to sit with us and explain what purity really is. That it isn't about simply following a list of rules, but it comes from letting the Spirit change our hearts. The fact is, none of us can live pure lives without the help of the Holy Spirit. That's why the Helper was given to us in the first place.
I say these things for those of you with young women or men in your lives. Sit them down one on one. Let them open up about the temptations that they feel, and ensure them that there is no shame or condemnation. Show them how to walk in the Spirit as they battle these temptations.
Explain to them why we don't have sex until marriage. Because I can attest first hand that sex is powerful. It's meant for the security of a marriage covenant because of the insane grip that it places on our hearts. And at my young age, I was not even conscious of the effects it was having on me.
Until tomorrow, lovelies. Oh, and happy Monday. :)
11 comments:
This is such a powerful message girl and oh so true!!
Xoxo! You are defiantly making a difference. :D
Love this Amy! We are doing a series at my church right now about Sex - last week was sex outside of marriage and yesterday was sex within marriage. It's an awesome REAL TALK series, and I love it. Much needed conversations on topics people like to avoid. Kudos to you for putting this out there! You make me proud!
This is completly off the message of this post but I know what boy you are talking about! And you were pretty darn cute together!
LOVE. There was one boy before marriage for me too. It happened twice. I could kick myself in rear end because it wasn't like me. You live & you learn! I believe that everything happens for a reason too! Like you, I think that sex is sacred for marriage. That's what it was meant for anyways!
yes, yes. i wish so that there would be so much more one on one talk with teens today at church about this topic. i know it would help tons! love your heart girl!
Thank you for sharing your story for His glory, for teaching women, and for learning from mistakes. You are so so wonderful. Love you loads Amy!
Gosh I love your heart. Love your willingness to put yourself out there for our sake. Your honesty and open-ness is so commendable.
love you, Amy!
You are amazing girl. You are so brave to share your story and it is going to help so many people!
Beautifully said! It is so wonderful to read truth. Thank you for writing this!
This is beautifully written, and definitely a message that the younger generations need!
AMY SERIOUSLY. God wanted you to write this especially for me. I help my husband lead our church youth group and I SOOOO needed to read this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember what it's like being a high schooler, but this brought me back. Jordan and I have got to be more honest with our youth about this struggle. Did I say thank you? Thank you!
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