Thursday, May 31, 2012

Confessions

I confess:

I just ate an ice cream sundae and I'm feeling a bit gross. I've been seriously slacking on the healthy eating since Vegas. That needs to change. Now. 

I confess that it probably won't change until the ice cream carton in my freezer is gone. True story. 

Actually this post was not intended to have anything to do with ice cream. Here comes the true confession:

Ready or not, here comes a serious post. 

I came to a serious realization recently. One that I am not proud to admit, but one that I feel like I should write about. I want to document this, so that I can come back to look at this and talk some sense into myself if/when that's needed in the future. 

I confess that I am a girl who changes when she gets a boyfriend. 

Completely changes. 

I have no idea why it happens, or when it started happening. But it does, and it did. Sometime in college, I started totally changing myself for guys. And it's not like they would ask me too. 

It's like I would get so scared of losing them, that I would try to make myself into exactly what they were looking for. 

And I would lose myself in that process. 

Not only that, but I would turn into someone that I was not proud of. 

And then BOOM, we would break up, and I'd go back to being me

The real me. The happy me. 

And I would wonder how I ever let myself change in the first place. 

I thought I had it figured out after my college boyfriend. But then it happened again. I changed again. I lost myself again

So now, I'm owning up to it. I'm admitting it, coming clean. 

Because the person that I am today? I like her. Actually no, I love her. 

She finally accepted how much she needs and loves Jesus. And she will never look to another man to feel complete again, because she already found Him.

She's a good friend, a good person.

And one day, she'll be a great girlfriend. A great wife.

So this girl? She needs to stick around. 



4 comments:

Tabitha said...

I used to be that girl, too! When I met Joe I had come to a place of total indifference toward guys and dating, and I think the fact that I wasn't really interested in him at first, helped me to just be myself and not worry about who I thought he'd want me to be. But it took a lot of guys and a lot of versions of myself that weren't really "me". It's great that you recognize this in yourself -- that's the first step to overcoming it. :-)

Amy said...

Aw, Tabitha! Thank you so much for your sweet comment. It is so reassuring to hear. It is nice to know I'm not the only one who has gone through that phase. And, I look up to you and Joe so much as such an amazing couple. So it means the world that you can relate. Love you girl!

missy. said...

I think most girls change when they get into a relationship without really realizing it until they do breakup. I know I've done this quite a few times and the only one I didn't change for was cute guy. I'm proud of you for realizing this and hope you get to keep this girl around :) xoxo

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing such a sincere and genuinely truthful post. We're all like snowflakes. What makes us unique is also what makes us SO special. And sometimes two snowflakes can interlock and never become separate ever again.

Continue to be a snowflake! Take care my friend.