Thursday, July 12, 2012

That time that Aunt Flo neglected me for 6 months straight

So this is the closest I've ever gotten (and may ever get) to a TMI post. 

And FYI, there aren't any gross details, so if you're okay with the word period, then you're in the clear. 

Did I lose the scaredy cats and any boys that may be browsing this? Alright, here we go:

January - February

I've never been one to be irregular, so when that time of the month (I'm not even sure if I'll use the word period, it just sounds weird) didn't come around in February, I was a bit weirded out. 

But I had just stopped taking birth control, and started working out a lot more than I did before (typical post-break up behavior, no?), so I figured that might be the case. 

I figured even though I had never skipped an entire month before, there's a first time for everything. 

March

I have now skipped 2 months.

The maybe I'm syncing to my roommates theory goes out the window. 

I legitimately think I may be pregnant with the next baby Jesus. {But really.}

Even though it is not physically possible, I go buy a pregnancy test. 

Freaking the eff out {again, not physically possible people}, I take said pregnancy test. 

Negative.  

{I will say now that through this whole ordeal, I learned that I worry too damn much for my own good. You'll see why soon enough}

April

Still no period. 

Still no baby Jesus pregnancy bump either. 

Time to call the doctor. She tells me she wants to do a blood pregnancy test, just to be sure

Cue freaking the eff out all over again. And add in the fact that I hate needles. I can't do shots. Just can't. To reiterate this fact, I will tell you that when my 7 year old sister and I go to get shots at the same time, she has to go first. So I don't freak her out. 

{Another thing that I'll say came out of this ordeal is that I can now say I'm almost pro with needles. Heck yes.}

So, naturally, I bring my friend with me. This girl. And as the nurse is drawing my blood, she turns to me and goes:

Aw, what a good friend you have. She'll be there when you have the baby. 

And my first reaction: I know right?! She is such a great friend. 

It wasn't until I replayed the comment in my head that I realized that the baby she was referring to was the baby Jesus she believed to currently be growing inside of me.

Note to nurse: If there is no father in the room, the young girl taking a pregnancy test is probably not hoping to get back Positive results. Just saying.

Results are negative. Biggest sigh of relief ever. Officially no miraculous babies for me. 

May

Doctor decides to do a hormone test. 

I cry when she tells me this. She thinks I'm crying because of the needles. She seems very confused when I tell her that I am not crying because of the needles, that I'm crying because of the possible results. 

Doctor: "Well, what is the worst case scenario in your mind?"

Me: "Cancer."

Doctor: "Ohhhh."

{Did I not already say that I worry too damn much?}

Apparently cancer was not even an option in her mind. Just in my twisted one. 

Hormones look good. I get to go on a 10 day jump-start-period pill. 

June

It doesn't work. 

I get sent to a specialist. 

She answers all of my irrational questions on if I have cancer and if this means I can't have children. 

She also has me take another blood test.

{Like I said, pro at needles now.}

She decides to put me back on birth control {all circling back now}.

July

I am officially not broken anymore. 

I know you are just as excited about it as I am. 

9 comments:

Daisy said...

Sounds like aunt flo went on a little vacation! Found out why exactly yet?
Had a chuckle at the whole baby Jesus thing, hahaha.
So glad you can stop worrying now.

Sammantha said...

Lol, kind of in love with you, no big deal.

TMI warning: Okay, I only get my period like once a year, it's been that way for like the past two, and there was one time I bled for NINE MONTHS straight. RIGHT?!?! And you're probably wondering why I didn't go to the doctor right away, but it was because I had the same fear as you: cancer. Even when I finally DID go to the Dr, he sent me straight to the hospital and warned me "You need to be prepared, this could be cancer, you need to be prepared". MHM.

Did you ever figure out what it was??

Samantha said...

lol funny post, i am glad aunt flow visited no more worries

Kate Sparkles said...

Isn't it funny, we curse her when she comes but freak out when she doesn't? Only not so much funny as scary.. I'm glad you're back to normal and hope it was nothing too serious!

Jaz said...

You and I are in the same boat!! I was just going to mention Aunt Flo in my It's Ok post today too. Mine just started after being MIA for about 4 months. Freaking out and pregnancy tests aside, I'm glad everything is back on track with you too! :)

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

YAY! I am so glad that you aren't "broken" anymore! Also, I love the whole "worried about being pregnant with the next baby Jesus thing" haha! Totally cracked me up!

missy. said...

hunny i know EXACTLY how you feel. i've always been to the day (26-28 days) and when i got put on birth control i didn't have a period for like three months and i freaked out. i took pregnancy tests and finally just came to terms that my birth control was saving me from aunt flow. well she ends up visiting every now and then but i have no secure way of knowing when she will show up. freaky right? well it is physically impossible for a mini me to be popping out in the next nine months. :) glad to hear you aren't broken anymore. xoxo

Evelien said...

I think I would freak out too!! But I've heard the pill can make your whole cycle a bit weird so maybe it was just that?

I am Megan said...

I know your pain. I didn't get my period until I was about 18. And now I mostly only get it when I'm on the pill. Wow, way to throw my story right at ya!