Thursday, February 9, 2012

Life As Of Lately... A Little Deeper

If you had asked me where I thought I'd be at 22 1/2 when I was in high school, I would probably say engaged. I think my target "get married" age was 23? Something like that. I thought I would have five kids, and with wanting that many, I needed to start popping those babies out by like 25. Literally. I probably thought I'd be married to this guy:

That would be my high school boyfriend. We dated for two years, so you know, it was the real thing. Duh. 

Anywho, things didn't quite go as planned, clearly

Don't get me wrong, I am so so happy with where my life is at right now. I consider it a blessing to be able to spend these years of my life on me, doing whatever I want, whenever I want. I know the time where it's okay to be a little selfish now and then will fly out the window soon enough, so I'm embracing it for now. 

But with that disclaimer made, I'm gonna be real on this little blog of mine. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. 

Sometimes, it scares me that I have no idea who I'm gonna end up with. 

Scares me a lot.

Some of my closest friends are on the road to engagement/moving in together, and me? Far from it. 

That freaks me out.

When my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago, the first thing I thought was well, shit. Now who am I going to move in with when everyone else gets to that stage?

Actually, if I'm being real, the first thing I said was Ugh I just made a blog header with you in it. Now I have to change that. 

Can we all say it together, that relationship was not meant to last.

But regardless, it's kind of scary getting back in that single boat. We're supposed to be getting closer to marriage and I feel like I just took 5 steps back. And that's scary.

So now that I let it slip that life is not all rainbows and butterflies, let's get back to the good stuff. Even with the feeling of being wayy behind where I thought I would be at this point in life, I'm really really happy right now. So if being a little scared of the future every now and then comes with that, then I guess I'm okay with that. 

For now, I'm enjoying the little things. 

Like bike riding through gorgeous Santa Barbara

And date nights with my best friend

I'll say it one more time, life is so so good right now. I really wouldn't change a thing.


Samantha said...

Ohh i've been in your shoes before. It's tough sometimes, but being alone can be amazing too. Try not to worry too much about the future, and have fun NOW! Someone will come along. Don't you worry!

Impulsive Addict said...

It's all good girl. You know that God already has your life planned out. You just need to wait and see when Mr. Right will appear. Sometimes it's hard to wait....God's timing isn't OUR timing but his plan is perfect. I was almost 25 before I got married and I didn't have Emma until I was 31! EEEK! But I'm ok with it now.

Those strawberries look amazing! xoxo

Erin @ EatRunWrite said...

Hello lovely,

I completely know how that feels. My mom and sister were both married by the time they were 19. I'm 27 and not married!

I actually moved across the WORLD to Australia to be with my boyfriend of two years (we back and forthed between each other's countries until I moved). Guess what...within a month, we broke up! What a change to my plans for a picture-perfect young marriage!

Five years later, I'm still living in Australia and have found a new life. I have a new guy, yes, but before he came along, I spent time enjoying the little things, like you, not to mention learning a lot about who I am and the kind of guy I truly wanted to end up with.

Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing: living life to the fullest and trusting that something amazing will come your way when you are ready!