Love Without Sex || 3

For those that don't know the story of how PJ and I met, you can read it all here. It's my favorite story to tell, but for the sake of staying on topic, I'll condense. 

We exchanged our first words at the hotel bar, where family + the bridal party were gathered after the rehearsal dinner. We literally shared maybe 2 sentences; he learned that I wore glasses & didn't drink, and I learned that he was "crashing" the wedding. It was 100% a "he caught my eye from across the room" moment, but zero part of me expected him to be interested. I also didn't know enough about him to be interested beyond the point of finding him extremely attractive. ;)

It wasn't until the reception that all the Disney-topping dreaminess unfolded. And it wasn't until he cheersed my glass of sparkling cider and gave me a sweet compliment that I cued in to the fact that maybe, just maybe, he was interested. 

{A snapchat I sent a handful of girlfriends the day after the wedding. So glad one of them screen shotted this ;) }

So, let's get back to the whole point of this series. Sex. 

I brought up my boundaries with physical intimacy the night of the wedding. Yupp, you read that right. The first night we met. 

It may have been a bit bold, and I very likely could have scared him off. But one: I wanted to scare off any one who wasn't right. I had faith that one day, there would be someone who was right, so I wasn't afraid of losing the others. 

And two: there was actually another girl pursuing PJ that night {dun dun dunnnn}. I really love this part of our story because looking back, it gave each of us an opportunity to care for the other from the first moment we met. 

For me? I wanted PJ to have an exact expectation of what he was pursuing by going after me. I didn't want him to have any regrets at the end of the night, so I figured if he wanted sex at all before marriage, he deserved to know that I didn't. I knew he had other options, and I wanted him to be able to take that other road if it aligned more closely with what he was looking for. 

For him? Having other options blessed the heck out of me when he chose me. And he did so even after I gave him a big ol' stop sign for intimacy before marriage. He was able to take that information, and make a clear decision to still pursue me. 

Girls, there are guys out there who will pursue you even after you speak out about your boundaries and beliefs. And the ones who don't? I know it's easier said than done, but love them and yourself enough to let them go. 

PJ asked if he could kiss me that night, as we sat on a bench looking out at the ocean. It was the most romantic evening of my life, but something in me was able to clearly think & articulate "I really want to, but I know it would mean more if we actually get to see each other again."

To this day, PJ always says that me saying no blessed him. It showed him that I wanted to see him again. And you better believe that I did. :)

We had 3 weeks between the wedding and our first "date." 3 weeks of Face Timing, late night phone calls, and consistent texting back and forth. 3 long weeks of no physical interaction for two very physical people. We love holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and yes, kissing. So the fact that we fell hard for one another without any of those things meant a lot. 

Since that period, we have never gone that long without seeing each other. But I love that our love began through simply communicating. I got to know his heart, not what a good kisser he is. I got to feel pursed because he asked how my day was, not because he jumped on top of me. 

It's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. And I don't doubt that it has to do with the fact that it began with emotional intimacy, not physical intimacy. I'm fairly certain that any two people who are attracted to one another can experience physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy is a bit harder to attain. 

I was instantly attracted to PJ, hence why our relationship started so quickly. But our friendship? That took time to deepen. I had to get to know his heart and his mind before I could trust him to advise me wisely in moments of trial. And now, it means sooooo much that he is the first person I turn to for advice. And he is the first person I turn to when I have good news to share. He is not just my boyfriend; he truly is my very best friend. 

Our chemistry was immediate, but our friendship had to grow. 

I never really took the time to truly grow and cultivate emotional intimacy or friendship in my other relationships, because physical intimacy became the primary, and arguably only, way of connection. 

I can honestly and whole heartedly say that with PJ, there is such an abundance of intimacy in our relationship, that I don't feel even a hint of lacking from the physical boundaries in our relationship. 

Those 3 weeks felt awfully long between when we met and when I went to visit him for our first date. They especially felt long because I did want to kiss him. Even though I said no that first night on the bench, of course I wanted to kiss this man that gave me butterflies & made me weak in the knees like no man before. 

It was a long 3 weeks, but when I finally got to see him again? When he picked me up at the janky hotel I had rented a room at, and when we drove holding hands to the Oakland A's stadium for a game against my Red Sox? And when I knew that I was about to have my first kiss with him? Absolutely zero part of me was regretting the wait. 100% of me was thankful that we waited until we knew, this was real. 

And when we had that long-awaited first kiss standing in line for the metal detector? Surrounded by people, but apparently both of us just couldn't wait any longer? 

It was perfect. And it was worth the wait. 

Whenever this whole waiting until marriage thing gets hard, I think about how thankful we both are that we waited for our first kiss. I think about how when we got to have it? There was not a single regret in our minds of the timing. 

And I just know that just like our unplanned first kiss in line for the metal detector, it will be perfect. 

And it will be worth the wait. 

***

Here's where you get to chime in!

First off, thank you so much for those of you who have given positive & encouraging feedback about this series. It has truly blessed both PJ and me!

We want to hear from you! Do you have any questions? As a final post, PJ and I are willing & excited to answer any questions you may have. 

Feel free to ask questions below (yes, you can do so anonymously!), or you can e-mail me at sweethomesbblog (at) gmail.com. 

We look forward to hearing from you! And thank you so much for following along in this series that is so close to both of our hearts. 

We love you guys!

Love Without Sex || 2

In case you missed the last post, I am currently in a series about, you guessed it, love without sex. Feel free to scroll down or click the link to read all about the heart behind this series, or just jump on in now. 

Before I continue, I want to make yet another disclaimer. This series will contain different forms of language, and I want to differentiate between them. The majority will be my personal experience and opinion, and it should be viewed as such. If I offer advice, it's only because it was tested & proven wise in my own life. But I always preface my advice with "this is what worked for me," or "absolutely seek the Lord, but here are my thoughts..." 

If I quote a book, it's because I appreciate the author's wisdom and find it to line up with Scripture. But again, human words do not equal God's words. Nothing can replace the Word of God, which will be the third form of language I use. 

So, in summation, the following can be found in this series:

1) God's Word (the best. ever)

2) Not God's Word, but not my words either (b/c sometimes, someone already said the words you're looking for)

3) My words

Alrighty, we're good to go. 

***

I was hours from home, flipping through radio stations, when my own pastor's voice spoke to me through my car and preached on sexual purity. 

I had heard the message before, more times than I could count. I had been chasing Jesus for months, and giving him areas of my heart that I hadn't ever surrendered. Yet, I still hadn't given Him access to my vision of sex. 

Until that night. 

I thought about God's Word. I thought about His instructions on sex, and marriage. 

"But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have His own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill His wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs." 

1 Corinthians 7:2-3

I thought about His instructions on guarding your heart. 

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." 

Proverbs 4:23

And I thought about my past relationships. I thought about each one, and noticed some undeniable similarities. I could not ignore the impact sex had on these relationships. Each time, my emotions and attachment would sky rocket once sexual intimacy was brought into the equation. It was scary how in my most extreme situations, I would go from complete indifference to truly believing I was in love. 

I realized that once sexual intimacy was introduced to a relationship, it trumped or even disregarded all over forms of intimacy. At this point in my life, I don't even think I remembered that there were other forms to cultivate: emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, friendship, etc. Physical intimacy is one aspect of a relationship, and yet it was the only one I paid attention to. 

In that moment, the Holy Spirit did something inside of me. It opened my eyes to the impact that sexual immorality had had on my life, and although it was daunting and scary and I wasn't even sure I could do it, I decided it was time to follow what Scripture commands: 

"Flee from sexual immorality. No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does."

1 Corinthians 6:18

***

Let's take a short side trail real quick to define this phrase that keeps coming up: sexual immorality. Here's the part where I'm going to borrow someone I respect's words.

In his book, Loveology, John Mark Comer writes that "the phrase 'sexual immorality' is porneia in Greek, and it's a junk-drawer word. Paul means any and all forms of sexuality outside of marriage between a man and a woman."

If I were to take a stab at elaborating on this, here's what I would say: sexual immorality is when our sexual drive, urges, and desires control us. God designed sex for good purposes (fo real!), and sexual immorality is when we take the creation outside of the Creator's vision to satisfy ourselves. You see, sex is powerful, and God knows it. He commands that we save it for marriage because He knows that it's for our good to engage in such a powerful form of intimacy only when we've committed ourselves to this person for life. And sexual immorality is when we say "yahhh, no thanks God. I know better on this one." 

I was doing that for a long time. And my motivation? To feel wanted. To feel loved, and desired. To feel attractive, and pursued. I wanted to feel all of this, and my way of satisfying those desires? Sex. 

Ridding my life of sexual immorality meant letting God take the reins in my romantic life. And even now, it is a daily decision to surrender those reins. 

***

Making this decision meant that a lot had to change in my life. But you know what? I didn't realize that at first. There was an awful lot of trial and error that helped me see that if I wanted to pursue purity, I had to stop pursuing my old life. 

What did that look like for me? Welp, I had to stop engaging in romantic relationships with men who didn't share the same feelings on sex. I fought that at first, but I very quickly realized that I wasn't strong enough to uphold this lifestyle on my own. If I was going to be in relationship, it had to be with someone who could partner with me in this. 

I had to stop flirting with men if I knew there was no purpose in it. I had to examine my heart: why am I flirting with this man? Just because sex was out of the equation didn't automatically mean my emotional issues were. I was still searching for love, still wanting to feel wanted. And if sex couldn't satisfy those cravings, it was real easy to let flirting fill that void. 

I had to let God fill that void. Something in me eventually discovered that if I ever wanted to have a healthy relationship, one that was free of sexual sin, I was going to have to let my God be my source of love. I was going to have to let Him make me feel wanted and pursued. 

And, I eventually had to stop drinking. Because even as I made immense growth in this area, it only took a few drinks for me to revert back to old habits. 

In all honesty, though? Alcohol and sex were easy to give up when I realized that freedom was my prize. 

***

I think this post is wordy enough, so I'll go ahead and wrap it up. I got to a place in my life where I finally stopped searching for love. I figured if it found me, it would be at church or at some Jesus conference. Little did I know that it would find me at a hotel bar, the last place I would expect. 

Love Without Sex || 1

Those of you who have been around for a while (you know, from when I was consistently blogging) know that I have a huge heart for purity. So much so that I once wrote on it for 31 straight days. I have a heart that beats for lies to be shattered, wounds to healed, and new life to be given. And my passion for this? It comes from experience. Because in a single moment, my lies were shattered. By the grace of God, my wounds were healed. And because of my sweet Jesus, I was given new life. My view on sex was flipped upside down in a matter of minutes, and let me tell you, it was without my invitation. 

That's right, I didn't raise my hand willingly at a church event, or sign a contract proclaiming a new desire to wait until marriage. My God chased me down, with unrelenting love, and gave me a new mind and a new heart for my own good & for His own glory. 

My heart is to share my story in hopes that maybe, just maybe, God is doing the same chasing work in your life. Maybe He's after your heart, and maybe you just need a little encouragement. Maybe you need to see a life transformed to know that it can be done. Maybe you need to hear that there will be men who don't lose interest when you say you want to wait until marriage. Maybe you need to hear that it's okay if you're trying and failing, He won't give up on you. And maybe you need to have the word sexy redefined. 

Cause girl, there isn't anything sexier than a man who looks you in the eye and says "I want you forever" and means it. 

Maybe you're like I was and can't possibly comprehend how a serious relationship can exist without sex. Maybe a glimpse inside of one will give new vision to an area that you never expected would change for you. I never thought it would change for me, but here I am, writing a post about waiting until marriage. 

Whoever thinks God doesn't do miracles anymore? Let me just testify, my life is filled with them. 

I am blessed to have a boyfriend who actually encourages me to talk about our sex life, or lack there of. {ba dum chhh}

So if you're wondering what my wonderful PJ thinks about me writing about such intimate details of our relationship? Wonder no further. He's quite possibly more excited about this than I am. 

{Actually, I take it back. I'm pretty excited.} 

Regardless, this is a joint venture. I may be doing the tapping against the keyboard, but this is a two-person effort. Because this relationship? And this waiting thing? You better believe it's a joint effort. Ain't no way I could do it on my own. 

Why do we care to share our personal details on the internet for anyone and everyone to see? Because we care that much about this. Because somewhere along the way, we both started believing a lot of things about sex that just weren't true. And it's only by the grace of God that we are where we are today. So by golly, we're gonna talk about it. 

This isn't meant to shame, or condemn, or start an argument. If you're feeling judged, please remember who's doing the talking. This is a girl with a sexual past who has no reason or right to judge anyone, and would never want to. This is a girl who believes in loving people, period. Not loving those who agree with you, or loving those who listen to you. Why? Because that's what my Jesus did. 

This series is written with an understanding that these words can do nothing without the power of the Holy Spirit. He alone changes lives, and words can simply testify to His power. 

This series is written with the hope that it will start a conversation in your heart. And not just about sex, because purity isn't just about sex. The title might read "Love Without Sex," but that's only because I once believed that the first required the second. I once was certain that love wasn't real love unless it included sex. 

And because I can speak as someone who truly believed that, it is now my heart's desire to present a love that is romantic, dreamy, exciting, real and yes, without sex. 

But it's only those things because of the single most important aspect. It's romantic, and dreamy, and exciting, and real because it's centered on the God who created love. It's without sex not because of self control, but because of the Holy Spirit who births self control. 

I'm excited to go on this journey with you. I'm blessed to testify of a kind of love that once seemed foreign to me, and is quite often still found foreign to our culture. 

I was recently involved in a sweet conversation with a soon-to-be-bride and a group of both married and unmarried friends. The married friends were giving honest, real, and yes, funny advice on what to expect with sex. It was so beautiful, so innocent, and felt like exactly what romance and marriage were designed to look like. 

A dear friend who knows my heart and my life well kindly checked in with me afterwards, inquiring "did you feel any sadness?"

"No," I said. "I am filled with too much joy and thankfulness and praise over where I am today to have even an ounce of regret."

And that, my friends, is why I share. 

On Purity

First off, happy Friday!! I figured what better way to kick off Friday than with a super light post on purity. {read: sarcasm}

If you've been around for a while, you may know that this topic is a special one for me. It's the only topic that I've written about for 31 straight days, so there's that. It's one that I love for so many reasons, but for starters, because I can't possibly talk about purity without talking about redemption. 

The fact that I even get to have a voice about this is straight up God's grace at its finest. As a girl who lost her virginity in high school, I never, ever, thought I would get a second chance at innocence. I never imagined that purity is a gift that is given from God, not a title removable by a sexual act. 

I can vividly remember the moment God opened my heart to the idea of sexual purity. I can remember driving home to San Diego, hearing a familiar voice on the radio share a sermon about dating, and boom. It didn't matter that I had already "lost my shot" by the world's standard, I knew that I wanted to save myself for marriage. 

I've learned so much since that moment. God has been faithfully teaching me about purity, and I'm gonna keep it real here, some of it was through my own trial and error. 

Through that trial and error, I saw my own weakness. I saw that if I wanted a God-glorifying relationship, I couldn't do it alone. I needed a man equally committed to protecting the purity within our relationship, and praise Lord Jesus Himself, He gave me just that. 

I want to share the things that I'm learning here. I want to share to tell a story of God's redemption, to testify of the fact that He truly does make all things new. He forgives, and He restores, and He gives new life. 

I want to share to testify of His faithfulness, to reveal that He truly is strong in our weakness. Purity can never come from self-effort, it is always a result of the Spirit. And I, for one, want to see more of the Spirit in my life. I want to see and experience sexual purity that comes from a heart changed by God. That type of purity exists in singleness, and it exists in dating, and it exists in marriage. It's not meant for one season of life, it's meant for all of life. Period. 

I wrote about it in singleness, and now, I have the privilege of writing about it in dating. I have the privilege of sharing my struggles, and my lessons, and my victories. 

I share for one reason: to give Him glory. I share because it is only because of Him that I have this story to tell. And I share because He has given me a man who truly loves my passion to share it all to praise His name. I love him for that. 

Purity has nothing to do with physical actions, and everything to do with the heart. It's not something we do, or we find, or we achieve. It's something we experience through the power of the Holy Spirit within us. It's something we find through surrendering our whole heart to our mighty God. 

Purity is two fold, the desire and the power to do what pleases God. If we have the desire, and not the power, then we constantly find ourselves falling into sin. We want to live a life of purity, but without the power to do so, we're stuck in our fleshly habits. 

If we have the power without the desire, it does no good. What good is having the physical fitness required to run a marathon if I don't have the desire to run a marathon? 

It takes both; we must find both the desire and the power to do what pleases God. And those, my friends, are gifts from Jesus. Those we find when we accept the gift of relationship with God that was given to us when a Man hung on a cross for us. It wasn't earned, or deserved. It was given, and when we receive it, we feel the life-changing surge of the Holy Spirit, which gives us the desire and the power to do things we never imagined possible. 

31days // We Made It!

It's 10:04pm, and I'm typing up this final post for 31 days. I'm simply in awe of God right now. 

I can remember the first moment this idea came to mind, sitting in Annie's car, driving from Indianapolis to Chicago. All weekend long, I had heard incredible women sharing their ideas for 31 days. Zero percent of me thought I was going to participate. 

And then the idea hit: I could write about purity. I got that feeling of my heart igniting on fire, that beautiful tension in my chest that I can only associate with passion from the Holy Spirit. 

But 31 days? Really? Could I seriously write for 31 days about purity? And even if I did, would I still have people reading my blog after that? 

I just knew none of that mattered. I knew it didn't matter if 1 person read these posts or 1 million people did. Because I knew I had to do this for my heart. I knew the Lord was calling me to explore purity, and He was calling me to do that in a public setting on my blog. 

And so, here I am, 31 days after starting this mission. These 31 days consisted of trudging through my past experiences, digging into scripture, pouring out my heart. They were filled with battling temptation, tearing up at the support & encouragement of others, and praying, begging the Lord to guide my words. 

They were filled with so much, and they were just the beginning of my journey to discovering what true purity looks like. What it acts like. What it thinks about. 

My life is transforming, it's transforming every single day. Your's is too, have you noticed?

I want to thank you. Yes, you. You who read each and every post. And you who used social media to encourage me, support me, and ride along in this journey with me. You who prayed over this series. And yes, even you, who stumbled upon this post and are thinking "whaaa?"

You all play a role in my life. You all play a very important part in the beautiful story God is writing right now. I pray that you know that, how important you are to Him. 

It is my prayer that after these 31 days, you feel encouraged in your pursuit of purity. Whatever that looks like right now, I pray that if anything, hearing my story encouraged you that you can move forward in yours. 

I love you. I really, really do. 

Oh, and Happy Halloween!

31days // Advice

My friend Hilda asked a really great question that I thought deserves its own post, so today, I'm going to be sharing some advice. Advice for teenagers pursuing purity. Advice for adults pursuing purity. And advice for myself. Because let's be real: we're all in this battle together. None of us have it all figured out, we're all pursuing this beautiful "purity" thing together. 

Purity, it can be daunting. I hope that through these 30 days, you have come to find it a little less daunting. I hope that you have come to find that it's a whole lot less about perfection, and a whole lot more about Jesus. 

I've come to find that many of my struggles are directly related to my beliefs. The times when I want to run straight to a man are usually the times when my heart is hurting. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe I'm stressed out, maybe I'm avoiding something, but whatever it is, it pokes at my heart and causes an instinct to kick in: run to a man for comfort. 

In those moments, I have to stop and ask myself an important question: Do I believe that this man can comfort me more than God can? It's easy to say that God is the Comforter of all comforters, that His love is all I'll ever need, but do I really believe that? 

And I'm going to be brutally honest right now; sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, I have to get on my knees and ask God to help me believe that. Because if I don't? I will always be stuck in that cycle of running to a man, or a shopping spree, or a bowl of ice cream, or ___________ for comfort when I'm hurting. 

And our God is so good. In those moments where I am brutally honest with myself, and honest with a God who already knows what's going on in my heart, it's those moments where I give Him access to my heart. It's in those moments where He sure as heck does show me how to believe. By confessing that I need His help to strengthen my faith, I give Him permission to do just that. 

So my advice. First thing's first, take some time to pray to God and ask Him to show you what true purity is. I have to do this far more often than I do, and I know that I will always need to pray this. I will never have it all figured out, and I think that's the point. We are always going to need to be in a humble place of submission to God, if we truly want to maintain a pure heart. 

Don't be afraid of temptation. Don't let that temptation lead to shame. If you're feeling tempted, bring it to God, or bring it to a friend who knows and loves God. It's not a bad thing to be tempted, even Jesus was. He just didn't give in, and we don't have to either. 

If you fall down, get up again. Don't lose sight of the mission, to live a life that glorifies God. 

Don't keep anything hidden. Even what feels like the worst of the worst of the worst, tell someone. Someone who lives and breaths the gospel, because a person like that will never judge you. But they will point you straight back to Christ.

 And most importantly: fall in love with Jesus. I'm working on this one. Some days, I really feel like He is the love of my life. Other days, He feels like a name in a history book. {Again, brutal honesty here}. All I know, is the more you fall in love with Jesus, the more you'll find Him changing your heart to look like His. And honestly, that's what purity takes.

It doesn't take action on our part, it takes action on His. Real purity comes from a heart changed by God. And if you fall in love with Him? You can't possibly not be changed. 

31days // Tunes for Tuesday

Actually, it's just one tune. But "Tunes for Tuesday" has quite a ring to it, right? 

This 31days series is just the beginning of something the Lord is doing in my life. There's no doubt in my mind that He's after my purity, that He is fighting to restore my mind and my heart where my own flesh and lies have distorted things. It's sweet, really. When you can tangibly feel that the Lord is after your heart? There's nothing better. 

I've heard this song many times, but lately, it's been speaking to me in a whole new light. 

Hallelujah, we are free to struggle. 

We're not struggling to be free. 

Those lyrics, they get me every time. We are free to struggle, but we're not struggling to be free. You are free, friend!! That habit you've been stuck in for forever, you can break it! I don't care how engrained it is, I know that you can be set free. And I only know that because of my own life, because of my own engrained habits that are now nothing but a memory.

I pray that this song blesses you today, friends. 

Love you all!

31days // Accountability

Today, I'm here to talk accountability. And not to guilt you into sharing all that dirt in your closet. But because this is something that has truly transformed my pursuit of purity. It changed everything, guys. 

You see, I made the decision to pursue purity. And for the first few months, I was amazed at how simple it seemed. Boom, God flipped a switch in my heart, and suddenly I craved His way instead of my old sinful way. Or so it seemed, until one day it wasn't so simple. 

I look back now, and realize that it wasn't quite as black and white as I had thought. I was still very much allowing old habits to creep into my thoughts, and my lifestyle. It was only a matter of time before the temptation crept up, too. If I was still walking the same path, the destination wasn't going to change, no matter how much I wanted it to.  

And so, I reached a point where I was very much living a double life. I was going to bible study, getting plugged into in my community group, and attending church every week. I knew I wanted to strive for purity in relationships, but my actions weren't matching my intentions, because I was knee deep in a battle of sin. A battle that no one really knew about, or at least no one who could pour truth into me. 

I knew I couldn't do it, keep up this balancing act. I had to choose, continue living my old life and give up the new one, or ditch the old one completely. Why was it one or the other? Because living with one foot in each left me miserable in both. And honestly, I knew what I had to choose. I couldn't go back to the old life, not when I knew the new one was the only way. I had tasted Jesus, and there was no way in heck I was giving that up. 

So something had to change, and thankfully, God helped me figure that out. I met a friend for lunch one day, right in the thick of my intense battle with sin. I didn't mention it to her at the time, but instead, I listened to the beautiful love story that God was writing her. Tears fell from my eyes as I realized He wanted to write one for me, too. And this entangled mess of temptation and sin was not what His story included. 

There is no doubt in my mind that what happened next was from God Himself. Through teary eyes, I asked this friend if she would consider mentoring me. I told her she should most definitely pray about it, but she didn't have to. She said yes right away. 

This woman was by far the most Spirit filled person I had ever met. I met her on the Boston Prayer Tour, and I am fairly certain that she literally mentioned Jesus to every single person we encountered that weekend. If you had told me then, that she would become the person I would confess all of my mess too, I would have laughed. And, I probably would have been afraid. 

It happened so naturally. We started meeting weekly, and the conversation would flow each and every time. Usually, the tears would flow, too. I started telling her everything, all of my struggles and temptations and sins. And you know what she did in response? She showered me with the grace and love of Jesus. 

She never once judged me. She never once condemned me, and she never once made me feel shameful. Instead, she inspired me. She helped me trek through my battle with sin, and continues to do so today. Never once has she gotten weary of the burden. 

Through all of this, I realized the power of confession, and accountability. The fact of the matter is, I can't hide anything. I don't want to. Because the second I start hiding things, is the second I go back to living that double life. And why hide things, when there is no condemnation? The Bible tells us so. {Check out Romans 8:1}

So friends, if you don't have someone already, I encourage you to find someone who can handle all your junk. Someone who knows and loves Jesus, and knows and loves you. Someone who understands that His grace covers all, but also that His Spirit frees us to abstain from the very sin that requires grace in the first place. 

That temptation you feel? Tell someone. That sin you committed? Tell someone. 

There is freedom in confession, my friends. I would know. I have to do it a lot. ;)

Love you all. 

And thank you, Karen. Thank you for being a faithful servant of Christ, and for loving me and supporting me through all of my trials and stumbles. 

31days // Lessons

Can I be honest with ya'll? Posting for 31 days straight is haaard. Especially posting on the weekends!

So now that I got that disclaimer out, you'll understand if any posts in these last of the series are lackluster. Forgive me, will ya? :)

***

Tonight, I'm going to answer the second part of my wonderful friend Julie's question. She asked

what has been my favorite thing that I've learned from this series so far. 

As difficult as it may be to put together substance for these last few days, it's worth it for how beautifully God pulled my story out of me with this series. That has absolutely been my favorite part, digging deep into my past, and talking about how my mind was molded and shaped regarding purity. And then how the Lord came and completely reshaped my view on the topic.

I think my favorite lesson that I've learned through these 31 days on purity has been the reminder that God is constantly going to be renewing my heart. I am constantly going to face battles with maintaining a pure heart, and it's freeing to be reminded that 

only God can give me the strength that the battle requires. 

I've also been incredibly blessed by the support of you readers. Every single sweet comment, every single retweet, or social media shout out has been a giant blessing. It's your way of reminding me that 
the Lord will turn my mess into His glory. 

And for that, I will always stand in awe of Him. 

31days // Truth for Thursday, I mean Friday

I posted an Ask Anything post this past weekend, and my sweet friend Julie asked a great question about scripture. She asked what my favorite verses were on purity, and I'd love to share one with you today. 

This is written on my wall at work, and I think it is one of my all time favorite verses. 

There are so many things that I love about this verse. The first is how it states "since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses," because that statement is oh, so true. 

I am surrounded by witnesses. You are surrounded by witnesses. We all are surrounded by witnesses, every single day. Whether we like it or not, we truly are a representation of Jesus Christ here on earth. We are His church, His peeps. If we don't represent Him, who will? 

"Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles," that, right there, summarizes the pursuit of purity. Throw that sin off, it doesn't belong here! We are no longer slaves to anything. We are free children of God, time to start living like them!

"And let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us." My Bible uses the word endurance, and I just love having that reminder. The Christian walk is not easy, pursuing purity can be quite counter intuitive. It takes perseverance, and requires endurance, the Bible confirms it!

I just love this verse so much. And I pray that it blesses you today!

Happy Friday, loves! If you've got something you want to hear about in the last days of this series, feel free to ask a question over here!

31days // One Question

I've talked a lot about my struggles in this 31days series. I've shared an awful lot about my story, and haven't shied away from the fact that I stumble a lot. Sometimes, I think it's easier for me to talk about my struggles than my strengths. Struggles are relate-able, and you certainly don't have to worry about sounding prideful when you're talking about falling flat on your face. {Which I do, quite often}. 

But there's another part to this series that I want to dig into. The part where I share what has helped me in my walk with purity. Because the fact of the matter is, even with the 34098 stumbles in between, I'm one heckofa different person than I was when I first decided to give this purity thing a go. And if you're reading this series, and hoping to find some help for your personal pursuit of purity, I pray that you'll find that here. 

We've all heard that question, right? The "What Would Jesus Do?" question. We're supposed to ask ourselves in each situation, and the response will help lead us in the right direction. Well, I have a question like that. It never really was something that I intentionally started doing, but it has very much become a key part of my pursuit of purity. 

The question: 

Does this glorify God? 

The fact of the matter is, I want to live a life that glorifies God. That is why I want to strive after purity, because I believe that I have a Savior that is so amazing, that I want nothing more than to glorify Him with each and every aspect of this one life that I've been given. 

Every moment of my day might not seem mega-impactful, but I firmly believe that every moment can glorify God. It's a battle, and sometimes, I make the wrong choice. But incorporating this question into my lifestyle has helped me use wisdom & discernment in my daily decisions. 

Listening to a friend express her frustration at something she's facing? Glorifies God. Taking that information that was confided in me and sharing it with someone else? Not so much. 

Dedicating my 9 hours a day to working diligently on my assignments at work? Glorifies God. Scrolling on Instagram or Twitter during that time? Not so much. 

Bringing my aches, pains, and any other uncomfortable emotion to the Lord? Glorifies God. Avoiding those emotions by running to the comfort of sin? Not so much. 

And for the record, I am guilty of each one of those "Not so much"s listed above. But asking these questions has helped me dramatically shift my mindset. When I stray from God, either with gossip, or another sin of choice, 
I notice it. 

As we talked about here, purity is about so much more than just sexual sin. There is so much more freedom to be found, if we open our hearts to it. Asking myself this question has helped me find that freedom, in areas of my life that I didn't even realize I was missing it. 

Are there any questions or scriptures that you use regularly in your life? 

31days // Learning to Walk

I remember when I decided to cut out meat. Or should I say, I remember the last time I decided to cut out meat. I was in Boston, sitting at a restaurant with friends. I was stuck without exercise for six weeks due to my good friend boot, so I told myself I would focus on nutrition. Sitting in this restaurant, something inside of me made up my mind, I was going to try going pescatarian, cutting out all meat except seafood. 

I remember consciously deciding not to tell anyone. I was visiting my friend, who's been a pescatarian for as long as I've known her, and I wasn't going to tell her about my decision. Why? Because I was afraid that I would fail. 

You see, I had tried cutting out meat before. Many times, actually. And none of those times lasted more than a week or so; I just couldn't do it. I had little faith in myself that this would be any different. And I probably wouldn't have told anyone that day, if it hadn't been for a mix up with my fish tacos that left me with a plate of beef tacos (I had a good laugh over that one). 

Welp, here I am, over a year later. Haven't had meat since that accidental bite of taco, and cut out seafood 5 months ago. Maaaybe, I should have had a little more faith in myself. 

{Sharing more pictures from Fall Day. Because I have enough to fill every post from now until the end of 31days. You're welcome.}

So why do I tell this story? Because the same thing happened the day that I decided to strive for purity in relationships. Just like I will never forget that moment in that Boston restaurant, I will never forget that moment on my way to San Diego. I made up my mind that I was going to try this, try this new thing that went against every instinct I knew. But I didn't tell anyone, because something within me felt destined to fail. 

And I felt that way for a long time, that I was either succeeding or failing. There were days that I thought this purity thing was a piece of cake, months actually. And then, boom, a day hit where I fell flat on my face. I'd struggle with feeling like a failure for days. 

I don't think that's how it works. I'm fairly certain that running off success and failure can only lead to two things: pride and shame. The fact of the matter is, there are going to be easy days. There are going to be days where my heart tangibly feels different than it was before, and I can feel the purity of Jesus Christ running through my veins. The purity that only He can put there in the first place. 

There are going to be those days, and there are going to be hard ones. There are going to be temptations. There are going to be moments where I look in the mirror and find a girl I thought I left behind. There are going to be days when purity is a fight, one that can feel physically exhausting. 

And on those hard days? You bet I need Jesus. You bet that I can't do it on my own. But guess what. I need Him just as much on the easy days. Because purity never comes from me, it always comes from Him. 

I feel like pursuing purity for me, is learning to walk all over again. And it's not just a one time thing, I have to learn and re-learn every single day. 

On a particularly difficult morning, I opened my Jesus Calling devotional to find this. It spoke to me, and maybe it will speak to you:

Some of my children I've gifted with abundant strength and stamina. Others, like you, have received the humble gift of frailty. Your fragility is not a punishment, nor does it indicate a lack of faith. On the contrary, weak ones like you must live by faith, depending on me to get you through the day. 

-Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young

I am a frail one. I am a fragile one, a weak one. Please don't, for one second, read my blog and think that I have it all figured out. Those that know me best, know that I struggle. They see me on those easy days, and they see me on those hard ones. I'm pretty sure they can tell just by one look which one of the two it is. 

I struggle. I stumble. I fall. 

But each time that I do? I get up, and I learn to walk all over again.