Marriage Mondays - Many Advisers

PJ & I had a combined 22 people in our wedding party, 11 on each side. As we would share that number with people leading up to the big day, we were typically met with "woah! that's a lot of people!" And yes, you could definitely say it is. But for us, there was just no way to cut it down. 

Each of these people carried a significant place in our heart. They were either family, or pretty much family. They are the ones who we shared every detail of our relationship with, from "I met a cute guy!" to "I just bought an engagement ring." They were the ones who listened, who prayed, who advised, and who laughed with us along the way. And we just couldn't imagine our big day without each of these wonderful people beside us!

Having these people beside us in dating made it so that there was also someone to go to with a prayer request, or when needing advice. Nothing in our relationship was kept secret, we made sure people knew the happenings of our lives so that they could advise when necessary.

I think there's a fine boundary between overly sharing, and being overly private. There's wisdom in not sharing all things with all people, but there's one particular verse that I've seen proven true in my life over, and over again in regards to sharing life details. And it continues to make itself useful & relevant in marriage, as well:

The older I get, the more I realize that I simply need advice and counsel from other people. I now see that the moment I think I have it all figured out, is the moment I've been deceived by my own pride. I never have it all figured out, and I never will until I see my God face to face. Until then, I will fully utilize the community that has been given to me to walk through life with many, many advisers. 

Friends, this is so true within marriage. Whether you are simply vulnerable enough with a friend to divulge the happenings of your marriage, or humble enough to seek outside counsel (I'll say I have already done this in less than 3 months of marriage, ha!), there is such wisdom in sharing with other people. Humility comes from allowing others to speak into your life, and humility will help a marriage thrive. Pride on the other hand? Not so much. 

Before I end this post & have you dishing all your deets to anyone who will listen, let me caution with one last point. In my life, I've come to learn the importance of considering the source before I go for advice. Many, many people can advise you in life, and the reality is that advice can take you in all. sorts. of directions. You can tire yourself out by trying to put into action the counsel given by too many advisers, or the situation can worsen with only one piece of poor advice. Don't forget that we're all human, and we're all susceptible to incorrectly advising. 

One way you can turn over-sharing into wisely-sharing is by asking yourself, "will this person give me wise advice?" It can be so easy to talk just to talk, but there is just as much danger in that as there is staying overly private. When you talk, be sure it's with someone who you can trust to steer you in the right direction. For me? That means I'm talking with someone who I know will steer me to Christ. 

Thank you to the many advisers that I have in my life. I know that this marriage would not even be in place had it not been for the influence you have all had on my life. 

31days // Advice

My friend Hilda asked a really great question that I thought deserves its own post, so today, I'm going to be sharing some advice. Advice for teenagers pursuing purity. Advice for adults pursuing purity. And advice for myself. Because let's be real: we're all in this battle together. None of us have it all figured out, we're all pursuing this beautiful "purity" thing together. 

Purity, it can be daunting. I hope that through these 30 days, you have come to find it a little less daunting. I hope that you have come to find that it's a whole lot less about perfection, and a whole lot more about Jesus. 

I've come to find that many of my struggles are directly related to my beliefs. The times when I want to run straight to a man are usually the times when my heart is hurting. Maybe it's insecurity, maybe I'm stressed out, maybe I'm avoiding something, but whatever it is, it pokes at my heart and causes an instinct to kick in: run to a man for comfort. 

In those moments, I have to stop and ask myself an important question: Do I believe that this man can comfort me more than God can? It's easy to say that God is the Comforter of all comforters, that His love is all I'll ever need, but do I really believe that? 

And I'm going to be brutally honest right now; sometimes, I don't. Sometimes, I have to get on my knees and ask God to help me believe that. Because if I don't? I will always be stuck in that cycle of running to a man, or a shopping spree, or a bowl of ice cream, or ___________ for comfort when I'm hurting. 

And our God is so good. In those moments where I am brutally honest with myself, and honest with a God who already knows what's going on in my heart, it's those moments where I give Him access to my heart. It's in those moments where He sure as heck does show me how to believe. By confessing that I need His help to strengthen my faith, I give Him permission to do just that. 

So my advice. First thing's first, take some time to pray to God and ask Him to show you what true purity is. I have to do this far more often than I do, and I know that I will always need to pray this. I will never have it all figured out, and I think that's the point. We are always going to need to be in a humble place of submission to God, if we truly want to maintain a pure heart. 

Don't be afraid of temptation. Don't let that temptation lead to shame. If you're feeling tempted, bring it to God, or bring it to a friend who knows and loves God. It's not a bad thing to be tempted, even Jesus was. He just didn't give in, and we don't have to either. 

If you fall down, get up again. Don't lose sight of the mission, to live a life that glorifies God. 

Don't keep anything hidden. Even what feels like the worst of the worst of the worst, tell someone. Someone who lives and breaths the gospel, because a person like that will never judge you. But they will point you straight back to Christ.

 And most importantly: fall in love with Jesus. I'm working on this one. Some days, I really feel like He is the love of my life. Other days, He feels like a name in a history book. {Again, brutal honesty here}. All I know, is the more you fall in love with Jesus, the more you'll find Him changing your heart to look like His. And honestly, that's what purity takes.

It doesn't take action on our part, it takes action on His. Real purity comes from a heart changed by God. And if you fall in love with Him? You can't possibly not be changed. 

Post College Advice

Happy Friday!!

This was originally a guest post on my lovely friend Diana's blog, where I talked about my transition from college to the real world. I listed the 5 lessons that I've learned since graduating in 2011.

I figure I could ramble on for hours, so for your sake (and to avoid getting carpel-tunnel), I kept it to 5 main points. 

I know many of you beautiful readers are going to find yourselves in this transition very shortly!
So I hope this advice resonates with you :)

1. Don't be afraid of rejection.

I was fortunate to find a job right after college, but believe me, senior year I sent out my fair share of job applications and resumes.

Most of which I never heard back from. And the ones I did? Well, let's say I quickly became a lot better at dealing with rejection. 

I had by far the worst interview of my life while applying for an actuary position. It was seriously awful. I probably should have known it wasn't the right fit when I had to google "actuary" before the interview. 

The plus side? I can now walk into every interview knowing it can't be that bad.  

If you're anything like me, the road up until college was pretty clearly paved for you. 

Elementary School: check
Junior High: check
High School: check
College: check

Okay... now what?

For the first time, I was faced with a completely blank canvas. Having endless possible doors staring you in the face can lead to a decent amount of them being closed for you. 

Don't be afraid of that. Embrace it. Throw yourself out there, and just see what happens. 

And rest assured that there is a very loving God who has a perfect plan for you!

2. What makes you happy?

Once you're done with school, you have this beautiful thing called free time. 

Unless your job is the kind that comes home with you, when you leave the office, that's your chance to check out. For me, week days after 5PM and weekends are my time. 

Since graduating, I've really been able to think about what makes me happy. I started asking myself what activities add joy to my life? Those are the things that fill up that priceless free time. 

What makes me happy? Running, reading and growing closer to Jesus. 

I don't yet have a picture of me and Jesus, but when I do I'll try my best to send it to you all. 

In The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin talks about one of her Secrets of Adulthood:

What's fun for other people may not be fun for you - and vise versa. 

This is a huge thing that I've learned post college. Just because something brings joy to someone else, does not necessarily mean it will bring me joy. Do a little searching and find what's really fun for you. 

3. Make an effort.

Friendships take work. Any form of a relationship takes a lot of time and effort in order to thrive, and your friendships are no exception. After college, you might be lucky and still have your closest friends just minutes away. Or, maybe they are hours, even states away. 

Regardless, I have learned that the older I get, the more important quality time is to keep my friendships strong. 

Spoiler alert: after college, life gets pretty cray. Between working 40 or more hours a week, and filling your free time with that stuff that makes you happy, you may find yourself staring at a pretty packed schedule. 

Make an effort to keep in touch with your friends. And heck, I would dare to say make an effort to make some new ones! Get out of your comfort zone, talk to some strangers, you never know who's going to become one of your best pals down the line. 

Your friends that are far away? Go take a weekend getaway to enjoy some quality time together. Your friends that are close by? Set aside an hour every so often for that much needed coffee date. 

And yes, I'm gonna go here: that blog friend that you just know you would be bffs with in real life? Go ahead and schedule a skype date to get to know each other better.

When life gets crazy, you'll be glad that you have the amazing friendships in your life to help you get through. I know I am!

4. Write it down.

So, you just finished college, earned your degree and have either gotten or are searching for your big break into the working work. 

Now what?

Your career is just one part of your entire glorious life. So what are you gonna do with the rest?

A few months after finishing school, I got the crazy idea to start a blog. And I am so glad that I did! By seeing other people doing this post-college life thing, I realized that for a goal-oriented person, I had barely any concrete goals for myself. 

Get a job. Get a husband. Make some babies. 

That was it! Pretty lofty expectations for myself, huh?

So I changed that. I got to thinking, what do I want to do with this one glorious life? And as I figured it out, I would write it down. Heck, I'm still figuring it out, and still writing it down. Which usually lands itself on the blog.

Writing something down helps you track your progress, and holds you accountable. Pick some goals for yourself, heck even make some crazy ones. And go after them!

5. Enjoy the ride!

I learned something very quickly after college: none of us have it all. 

I found myself with a great job, great friends and living somewhere far greater than I ever could have imagined. 

You know what I didn't have? A great boyfriend. 

And growing up, that's what I most wanted to have at this age. 

But as I looked around at all of my friends, it became very clear to me that none of us have everything we thought we would. Some of my friends had the boyfriend, but not the career. Some had the great job, but felt isolated without any close friends. And some were like me, no where near close to marriage, but seemed to have the rest pretty lined up. 

I took a good look in the mirror, and realized I'm pretty darn happy with what I've got. 

You can always focus on what you don't have, but choose to focus on what you do have. 

Enjoy this beautiful ride of life, and all of the unexpected twists and turns that come with it! Don't forget. the Conductor knows what He's doing ;)