Sweet Home Santa Barbara

Monday, May 23, 2016

Marriage Mondays - Many Advisers

PJ & I had a combined 22 people in our wedding party, 11 on each side. As we would share that number with people leading up to the big day, we were typically met with "woah! that's a lot of people!" And yes, you could definitely say it is. But for us, there was just no way to cut it down. 

Each of these people carried a significant place in our heart. They were either family, or pretty much family. They are the ones who we shared every detail of our relationship with, from "I met a cute guy!" to "I just bought an engagement ring." They were the ones who listened, who prayed, who advised, and who laughed with us along the way. And we just couldn't imagine our big day without each of these wonderful people beside us!

Having these people beside us in dating made it so that there was also someone to go to with a prayer request, or when needing advice. Nothing in our relationship was kept secret, we made sure people knew the happenings of our lives so that they could advise when necessary.

I think there's a fine boundary between overly sharing, and being overly private. There's wisdom in not sharing all things with all people, but there's one particular verse that I've seen proven true in my life over, and over again in regards to sharing life details. And it continues to make itself useful & relevant in marriage, as well:

The older I get, the more I realize that I simply need advice and counsel from other people. I now see that the moment I think I have it all figured out, is the moment I've been deceived by my own pride. I never have it all figured out, and I never will until I see my God face to face. Until then, I will fully utilize the community that has been given to me to walk through life with many, many advisers. 

Friends, this is so true within marriage. Whether you are simply vulnerable enough with a friend to divulge the happenings of your marriage, or humble enough to seek outside counsel (I'll say I have already done this in less than 3 months of marriage, ha!), there is such wisdom in sharing with other people. Humility comes from allowing others to speak into your life, and humility will help a marriage thrive. Pride on the other hand? Not so much. 

Before I end this post & have you dishing all your deets to anyone who will listen, let me caution with one last point. In my life, I've come to learn the importance of considering the source before I go for advice. Many, many people can advise you in life, and the reality is that advice can take you in all. sorts. of directions. You can tire yourself out by trying to put into action the counsel given by too many advisers, or the situation can worsen with only one piece of poor advice. Don't forget that we're all human, and we're all susceptible to incorrectly advising. 

One way you can turn over-sharing into wisely-sharing is by asking yourself, "will this person give me wise advice?" It can be so easy to talk just to talk, but there is just as much danger in that as there is staying overly private. When you talk, be sure it's with someone who you can trust to steer you in the right direction. For me? That means I'm talking with someone who I know will steer me to Christ. 

Thank you to the many advisers that I have in my life. I know that this marriage would not even be in place had it not been for the influence you have all had on my life. 

1 comment:

Claire Walker said...

I love these posts, Amy! You have so much good advice to give. :) I love your point that before you ask someone for advice, you should think about whether you know if they're going to steer you in the right direction or not. Sometimes it's a hard question to ask and answer, but certainly a worthwhile one!