Disclaimer: This post is on my heart, but I really have no idea where it's going to go. So expect a lot of babbling, and few pictures.
You okay with that? K cool. Here we go.
Even just thinking about how old Amy used to approach dating stresses me out. Like stresses me the eff out. Because that's all it was for me: stress.
And now that I've sufficiently stressed you the eff out with my usage of the word stress (okay, done now), I have some good news.
In case I haven't mentioned it enough, God has been making some major changes in my heart lately.
He's been shifting my view, teaching me, molding me into the person that He designed me to be.
And with those changes, the stress that used to consume so much of my life has turned into the kind of peace that can only come from Jesus Christ, Himself.
Recently, I had a break through with my dating life.
You see, when I realized last year that I needed to surrender my entire life to Christ, the main thing I knew I was holding onto was my dating life.
But guys, I was gripping on for. dear. life.
We all have those things that we look to for security, right? The things that make us feel important, wanted, validated.
Maybe for you it's your job, your role as a Mom, or your friendships.
Maybe it's your leadership role in your church.
We are constantly seeking approval, and fortunately, Christ releases us from that. He shows us that we are important. We are wanted. And that can never be taken away from us.
But is it just me, or do we tend to smile at Christ and nod our heads like "Yes, Lord! You're right!" while secretly one hand is reaching out towards our security blanket here on Earth.
That's how it was for me. And my security blanket: dating.
I loved being someone's girlfriend. I honestly don't think it mattered who, as long as he had some good things going for him, I was thrilled to assume the position of girlfriend.
And as I was hearing God cry out to me "I can give you what you're looking for!", I smiled and nodded, but couldn't ignore the voice in the very back of my head that said
"No God, you can't."
I think acknowledging that voice was the first step to my redemption.
It was there. And it was controlling my actions, and my thoughts.
Even as I was growing closer to God in a way that I never had before, releasing things that I had been holding onto for so long, that doubt caused me to keep one finger's grip.
And one finger's grip makes all the difference, doesn't it?
You see, the thing with the Christian life, is there is no middle ground. At least for me, there wasn't. I was either surrendering my whole life, or I wasn't. Point blank.
And for a long time, I wasn't.
But now, I am.
Now, I have looked God in the face, with my hands extended out as far as they can go, and said "Here God! My dating life, you take it."
And I said it in reference to my financial situation, and I'll say it again:
You know what comes along with following His lead?