Friday, February 1, 2013

Creature of Habit

It's 11:07PM and I probably should have been asleep 67 minutes ago. 

I've got to shower, get 8 hours of work in, go pick up a snowboard that a friend so graciously offered me when she found out I was going to Mammoth this weekend a few hours ago, and pack all before 3PM tomorrow. 

Have I mentioned that I'm a major procrastinator?

But luckily, I'm also extremely skilled at functioning properly off of very little sleep. 

Thank you, college.

You know when you get a spurt of inspiration?

Well I got that today while browsing pinterest (thank you Jordan!).

That quote. 

Man, it sums up my current phase of life so perfectly. 

Growing up, I had a vision of what I wanted my life to look like. I wanted a husband, and a truly loving relationship. I wanted 5 kids. 

Yes, 5.

I wanted to be fit and healthy. I wanted to be rich in my faith. I wanted my family to go to church every Sunday, and I wanted to be a part of women's bible studies where I could both develop lasting friendships, and become an active and intricate part of our church. 

In 2012, I realized that I was in no way, shape or form walking towards that dream. 

It finally hit me that a happily ever after like that doesn't just appear out of thin air. I realized that I will not just be waking up one morning with my Christ centered household, especially not when
I, myself, was not living a Christ centered life. 

I finally figured out that if I wanted that life, I was going to have to start walking the path that lead to it. 

22 year old Amy was going to have to start walking down the path that would lead her to her happily ever after Amy.

And I'm sure I'm not the first to learn that realizing something is one thing.
Actually applying that knowledge, is another.

This has most definitely been a process. And something that I'm learning right now, is that I have some habits pretty deeply ingrained in me.

I want to wait for a man who loves Christ, but I tend to get caught up in any man that I develop feelings for.

I want to have a healthy diet, but I tend to eat whatever I'm craving, and whenever I'm bored.

I want to get quality time in with the Lord before work, but I tend to hit the snooze button 6 times before actually getting out of bed instead.

I want to use the free time that I have during the week to be productive, but I tend to catch up on my favorite tv shows instead.

I am a creature of habit.

And I am not saying that these are all bad habits, by any means. 

A relaxing night of tv? Always a great way to wind down. 

Getting some extra sleep in the morning when you need it? Never a bad thing. 

Endulging in your favorite meal? Something I love.

And heck, getting excited over the possibility of a new man? Not the worst thing that could happen to a girl.

But I've realized that these habits have slowly turned into a lifestyle

I will walk in the door after a long day, telling myself that I'm going to be productive for once, only to immediately plop on my bed for some New Girl. 

I will go weeks without a single day of getting out of bed after the first alarm (or 5).

I'll tell myself one handful of dark chocolate covered powerberries (Dang Trader Joes!), and have had 3 handfuls before I realize it. 

And the second I develop feelings for someone, all rational thinking flies out the window. 

So I'm trying something new. 

These habits? I'm confessing them to God. 

As trivial as some may seem, I know that my Father wants me to be exactly the woman that He created me to be. And I am confident that He will mold and shape my heart to rid myself of any habits that will keep me from being just that. 

And you're probably laughing at the fact that I began this post with my confession of major procrastination. 

Yeahh, I'm sure that's another one I'll be tackling with the big man upstairs. 

I'm thankful that I've learned to not settle for my own imperfections. It's easy to accept that I will always live a certain way. 

Always find my identity in men. 

Always be a stress eater.

Always struggle to get out of bed in the morning. 

But with God, I am confident that all things are possible. I am confident that my deepest habits can be transformed with His help.

And because of this, I am confident that 23 year old Amy will most definitely find happily ever after Amy.  

It's only a matter of time.

Too deep for a Friday? 


Happy Friday, friends!


Jordan said...

I am so happy that my frivolous pinning has inspired something with so much more substance. I have said it once and I'll say it again - you are such an inspiration! I think at 22, you are wise so far beyond your years. I personally think you are already on the right track, but do whatever you think will get you to where you want to be! Happy Friday girl and have a GREAT weekend!

Heather Burris said...

um, YES! These things we want to happen don't just happen on their own--who knew, right?? I just finally realized this a couple months ago, and it's really changed the way I "go at" life.

Linnea said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Linnea said...

I agree with Jordan-you are wise beyond your years! What a great post friend. I hope that you have a great weekend snowboarding!!

Sarah S. said...

Well said and I agree with Jordan wise for such a young age. Have a great weekend!

Caitlin said...

I love this post! I am the same way with saying I want to be productive, but then I sit on my bed and it's just way too comfortable to move. Good luck :)

Ashley @ LocalPostcards said...

I love love love this post! I think it's so true that we "tend" to get stuck on what we "tend" to do- and then it just becomes normalcy. Good luck on all your goals :)

Rebecca O said...

DAANNNGG. Literally just let out a big sigh at the end of this post. What a freaking inspiration you are! :) Going to be looking at this post every day until I am able to pinpoint the things I want to change and the lifestyle I want to have. I barely know you, but somehow love you? Weird right! Haha

Anonymous said...

Love your introsective posts. Awesome.


Anonymous said...

You are perfect exactly how you are. The joy is in the journey. Relax and enjoy your beautiful life. Live in the present.