Finding Freedom

I am in a season of healing. 

The very beginning phases. 

Because in order to be healed, 

you have to admit that you're broken, don't you?

***

I wrote those words almost five months ago. Five whole months. Man, time flies. And as the time goes, the change comes. The growth comes. And the healing comes. 

I am still in a season of healing. A different one, though. You see, our God is a kind, loving and protective God. He opens our eyes to our brokenness because He sees the big picture. And as we surrender our vision to His, we start to see a teeeensy bit of what He sees. We start to see outside the crooked lines that box in our brokenness. And you know what's outside those lines?

Restoration. 

Yesterday marked 60 days since my last alcoholic drink. 60 days. It's incredibly bizarre how this can feel like the biggest life change that I have made in all of my 24 years, and yet also like nothing has changed at all. It oddly feels like I have transported back in time to my 18 year old self, who confidently knew that alcohol was not her thing, but never judged others for it being theirs. I really liked that about her. I'm glad she's back. 

I'm starting to dig a little deeper into this complex heart of mine. When I feel myself get angry, I ask why. When I feel myself wanting to share the latest juicy gossip, I ask why. When I feel myself halfheartedly celebrating a friend's victory because I am secretly seething at the fact that it was not my own, I ask why. 

So what does this have to do with sobriety? How does analyzing my own issues with anger, gossip and jealousy have anything to do with politely declining that glass of wine offered to me? 

Because it all comes down to finding freedom. And that, my friends, is the season of healing that I am in now. I see my brokenness, God. I see that the issue isn't with the friend who inadvertently made me feel like she didn't care. I see that the issue isn't with telling people about the incredibly interesting news that I am so privileged to know. The issue isn't with the friend who accomplished something that I wanted to accomplish. I see, God, that the issue isn't with alcohol. 

The issues are with my heart. 

And no, from the outside, they may not seem like that big of problems. It's not like I act out on the anger that I feel (very often), and who doesn't gossip these days? Jealousy is something that everyone battles, and at our age, who is going to judge you for having one, two, or four drinks at happy hour? 

If you're thinking these are pretty darn normal, then I would say that you're right. They are pretty darn normal in our world, and they aren't a very big deal. 

But to God? They are. 

Why?

It's not because He is a tyrant of a Man upstairs sitting and holding his list of the 10 commandments, slapping them with a ruler each time someone steps out of line. It's not because He created a list a loooong time ago, and simply has too big of an ego to admit "hey, maybe I over did it a bit back then."

God made this list because He knows our human hearts. He understands how they work, and the impact these things have on us. 

He knows what it does to my heart each time I act in sin. Whether it's letting those emotions of anger and bitterness fester, instead of acknowledging the real issues going on in my heart. Whether it's giving into the urge to gossip only to give myself an ego boost of how much people confide in me. Perhaps it's competing with someone only to give myself a sense of value and worth. Or maybe it's having one too many alcoholic drinks to feel like a cool kid, and escape whatever else my mind might want to think about. 

The fact is, I didn't use to give these things a second thought. But now, I do. Now, I have learned to take the time to think through my actions before I complete them, to filter through my emotions before I let them control me. And that, my friends, is finding freedom. 

Finding freedom from myself. 

And finding freedom in the Spirit.

Got My Fix In (& a Birthday Shoutout)

Yay for another round of Stitch Fix! This is actually my forth one, but I didn't post my third because I wasn't a huge fan of anything. Glad I came back for round 4 though, because this fix was definitely a success :)

If you don't know what Stitch Fix is, it's basically a new fun and easy way to get your shopping in. You pay $20 for personal styling and delivery, have a package arrive with 5 items (including one accessory) at your doorstep, and choose what you keep! Whatever you end up keeping, you get to automatically save that $20 you already paid, and whatever you don't want, you send back! Easy peasy. 

And now, let's get on with the good stuff! Bring on the clothes:

1. Amani Cowl Neck Sleeveless Blouse by 41Hawthorn

I love this color, and definitely am a fan of the versatility of this shirt. The neckline can easily be dressed up or down, and as I've said before, I like the longer in the back look. The only cons about this top are the fact that it may be difficult to wash, and it was a bit more than I'd typically pay for a shirt. 

2. Keller Sheer Swiss Dot Blouse by GLAM

I love the style and material of this shirt. The loose fit makes it extremely flattering for all body types, and the polka dots give it some fun flare. Being that it's see through, it definitely requires a tank top underneath. But, I kind of like that you can add some color to it that way! Only con is that it was the same price as the top above, so again, a bit more than I typically pay for a shirt. 

3. Jaclynn 3/4 Sleeve Button-Up Cardigan by Mak

4. Pop of Color Scarf by Rapti

Big fan of both of these items! They were the two least expensive things in my fix, which is always a plus in my book. Fall is right around the corner, and with it comes scarf season! I've been getting more and more into scarves each year, so definitely ready for that! And, I could always use another cardigan. Especially one with some color, like this gorgeous burgundy. These were both winners for me!

5. Dali Geo Print Skirt by Pink Martini

Loooved this skirt! Especially the way it matched these shoes perfectly. You can absolutely dress this up for work, or down for anything else! Versatile: check! Great print: check! Price? Eeek, that's where this one got me. It was the most expensive thing in my box, so definitely would have had to be my absolute favooorite in order for me to fork up that cash. 

All in all, Stitch Fix did a great job! Thank you, stylist Becky!

I decided to keep one thing this round, and the winner was:

...

The Jaclynn 3/4 Sleeve Button-Up Cardigan! 

I love it! And I know I'll get a ton of use out of it. 

If you want to schedule your first Stitch Fix, do it right on over here!

***

And also, happy birthday to the most amazing, wonderful, incredible roommate, friend and photographer that a girl could ask for. 

Kristen, thank you for being all that I could ask for in a friend, and more. 

Side note: I mention January 1st, 2012 a lot as the day that I truly surrendered my life to Jesus. Well, I was standing beside this girl. She is the one who brought me to church that day, she is the one who held me as I cried my eyes out (and has many times since), and she is the one who prayed over me that day (and has many times since). 

I couldn't even tell you what she prayed over me, but man, did it work. 

I love you, Kristen. Happy, happy birthday, my beautiful sister, friend & roommate!

Humor for your Humpday

Since I didn't prepare anything for you today, I decided to share my good friend Tabitha's hilarious vlog that she made.

Besides, the topic is kind of appropriate. (ba-dump-chaaa)

Enjoy! Hope your humpday is a great one :)

 

2013 Bucket List - Progress Check

I skipped this back in July, but a lot has happened in August. So let's recap how this 2013 Bucket List is going, shall we?

1. Run at least 3 races (any distance 5K and over)

Done!! 

-10K Coronado Valentine's Day Race: Feb 17th / DONE! 54 min, 8:30 mile pace

-5K Los Angeles Run or Dye: March 9th / DONE!

-15K San Diego Hot Chocolate Race: March 24th / DONE! 1hr 26min, 9:14 pace

-Santa Barbara Wine Country Half Marathon: May 11th / DONE! 2hr 3min, 9:18 pace

-5K Nite Moves: May 15th / DONE!

-5K Nite Moves: July 10th / DONE!

-5K Bubble Run: September 7th / registered!

-10K She.Is.Beautiful Run: September 22nd / registered!

-City to Sea Half Marathon: October 13th / registered!

If you want to hear more on running, check out this post.

2. Read 30 books

So far, I've completed 6 books.

...

So may need to adjust that goal to 15, but hey, I'm enjoying reading and that's what counts, right?

Keep up with my recent reads here.

3. Get a passport

Cue major happy dance with the completion of this one!

4. Travel outside of the country (preferably missions related)

You probably already know this, but I'm so happy to report that I am planning to go serve in Uganda in January of 2014!! So that's basically this year, right?

If you want to find out more about that, you can check out these posts, or my fundraising page!

5. Cross off at least 2 states

This is for my 50 State Challenge.

I'll be crossing this one off next month when I go to The Influence Conference! Illinois & Indiana, here I come!

6. Meet a blogger friend IRL

Crossed this one off when I met the wonderful Julie from An Anchor for the Soul. 

Recap can be found here.

7. One spontaneous trip

Tahoe: Back in January

8. One random act of kindness per month

These have definitely been happening, but not quite how I imagined it. In the beginning of the year, these seemed to be big, drastic things. It really felt like the Lord was leading me to bless specific people in specific moments. 

In the past few months, they have seemed less drastic, and more natural. Blessing a friend by treating them on our lunch or coffee date, grabbing an item from the grocery store for the homeless man sitting outside, these have become regular occurrences. And at first, the end of the month would come and I would think shoot! I haven't done any big random act of kindness!

But I think this has taught me the beauty of incorporating random acts of kindness into my lifestyle. And that, is something that I truly hope to continue in all of my future years to come. 

9. End the year with 0 balance on credit card

Revision: Maintain 0 balance on credit card

This is definitely happening! I am keeping my credit card balance to a manageable level, always paying it off as quickly as possible. It feels mighty good :)

10. Double my savings

Revision: Rebuild my savings

If you're confused about the change in these last two bucket list items, check out this post. 

Last month, I had my savings account at 70% of what it used to be. Goal: get that number to 100% by the end of the year. At the end of August, I have 83% of my account back! 

There have been so many random expenses popping up these days, between car trouble, needing new contacts, all that fun stuff. So I know there is a chance I may need to dip into my savings in the near future, but Lord willing, I know I can get it back to where it was in January by the end of the year!

11. Cut and donate my hair

Crossed off in January.

12. Take Milissa on a sister weekend getaway

This was a mighty fun one to cross off :)

13. Get a blog makeover!

Amy, from the Charming blog, designed this beauty, and I have nothing but amazing things to say about her! If you're ever considering doing a blog makeover, I'd highly recommend this girl!

So there you have it!

I now have 7 out of 13 items crossed off! Not too shabby :) This has been so fun, and I can't wait to make this a yearly tradition. Thanks for following along with me!

{Bucket List progress tracked here}

In other news, Happy Tuesday!

Just call me four eyes

When I was little, I would say that I'm allergic to mosquito bites and cigarette smoke. I made that presumption based on the golf ball size of my mosquito bites, and the way that my lungs felt broken after a whiff of smoke. 

Now that I've got a few years of wisdom under my belt, I can see that I am, in fact, not allergic to mosquito bites or cigarette smoke. I just seem to have been blessed with blood that tastes as sweet as pina colada to mosquitos, and just about everyone and their mother is "allergic" to cigarette smoke. 

So what am I allergic to, you ask? Well, nothing really. Except apparently the contact brand that I've been using for the last five or so years. Yupp, turns out my eyes have decided to go all "ah heyyll no" to Acuvue contacts. (But I love your guys' ad campaign, really do). 

So what does this mean for me? It means I'm wearing these bad boys for the next couple of weeks as my eyes ease up on the temper tantrum:

Being restricted to my glasses really gets me thinking. You see, I've been your good old four eyes since wayy back in first grade, when my teacher ratted on me to my parents. Apparently it's not good to be squinting all the time. Psh, what did she know? 

So off we went to the eye doctor, and I can distinctly remember walking out of the office with my spankin' new pair of glasses, and looking around the parking lot. The blue in the sky! The green in the trees! It wasn't all blurring together. And just as God said "let there be light!", bam! Amy had sight again. 

And you would think that's a good thing, right? Wrong. Maybe it was nice to see clearly again, but it also introduced me to a whooole new element of self consciousness. My teacher had to remind me multiple times to wear my glasses, because I was willing to take the blurry blackboard (do kids even have those these days?), over the embarrassment of the glasses. 

Looking back, I can't even remember where that embarrassment came from. I highly doubt anyone actually told me that glasses made me ugly, and yet, that's how I felt. I carried that with me allll the way until my parents finally let me get contacts in 7th grade. And it was a happy day, let me tell you. 

Over the years, I got way more eye infections than I'd like to admit for overwearing my contacts. (And you wonder how I got an eye allergy...). This especially started happening in college, when late nights of studying (and other activites) would lead to the brilliant idea of sleeping in my contacts. And so, I would be forced to wear my glasses as my eyes would heal. 

Lo' and behold, I would actually get compliments on them. And it was right about then that I realized how ridiculous the self consciousness that I had been carrying for years was. The Lord has even further emphasized this to me, as I realize that my beauty doesn't come from appearance, or fashion, or fitness, or contacts versus glasses. My beauty comes from my Creator in Heaven. 

I remember one time being diagnosed with an eye infection, and looking straight at my eye doctor and saying "but I don't have glasses to wear." And I really didn't! I had left them in San Diego because that's how seldom I wore them. 

I'm thankful that now, I not only have a pair of glasses that I love (thanks, Firmoo!), but I can rock them realizing that glasses or no glasses, I am Amy Reed, daughter of the King of kings. 

And you are altogether beautiful, darling! Beautiful in every way. 

Run, baby run!

Hayyy guys!

This week has been cray-zee. Crazy in a jam packed with super fun things kind of way, but crazy none the less. I've missed you guys, and am happy to be back after not posting since Monday. 

Today's topic: running. 

 

I haven't shared too much about how running is going lately, so I thought I'd give you the low down. My running schedule has been allll out of whack lately. Allow me to explain:

May 11, 2013: Ran my first half marathon. 

Was pretty much on runner's high this day, it was an incredible feeling to cross that finish line after those 13.1 miles. I knew it was something I wanted to feel again, but I also knew I would enjoy a niiice solid break from training. 

And a niiice solid break is what I got. I ran a 5K here, a 5K there, but I think I could probably count on two hands the number of times that I ran in the 2 months following my half. So I did the only logical thing I could think of and signed up for another half, this one. I figured October was plenty far away, giving me plenty of time to train. 

That is, until August came around. And the 8 week mark hit. So I put those running shoes to use and hit the trails. Started with 4 miles, then 5, and hit 6 this past weekend. I usually try to pace myself, only jumping one mile per week. So why the sudden rapid increase? Well, for 2 of the now 7 weeks ahead of me, I won't be able to run :( I'm having a minor surgical procedure done today (prayers appreciated!), and will have stitches in my back for the next two weeks. 

So what does this mean for my half marathon training?

I'm at 6 miles today, and if the procedure goes as planned, I'll have stitches until September 5th. Then what? 

September 7th: Bubble Run 5K

September 22nd: She Is Beautiful 10K

October 13th: City to Sea Half Marathon

In 5 and a half weeks, I'll go from 6 miles to 13.1. Do I expect to rock this half marathon? Nope. Do I expect it to be humbling? Yupp. 

Do I expect it to be fun? You bet. Do I expect to feel the same incredible feeling at the finish line, regardless of my time? Abso-freaking-lutely.

 

So this is where I'm at. Nervous, but excited. The times where I can't run always leave me remembering why I love it so much in the first place. And a little humility is good for the soul.