Find The Beauty

I started seminary school this week. 

Or, to more adequately put it, I had about 4 minor freak outs within the last 7 days. I was intimated by the syllabus, cried when I submitted the biggest payment of my life, cried some more once it actually hit my account, got knots in my stomach when I tried understanding things I usually breeze through in Exodus, and pretty much felt all around discouraged, inadequate, unprepared, and just plain scared. 

You know what, though? Through the fear, and the anxious nerves, and the worried tears, and the uncertainty, there was this undeniable joy. 

Oh you guys, the joy has been so darn thick. 

Because I can one thousand percent say that there is no where I would rather be. There is nothing I would rather be doing, and nothing I would rather my money go towards. 

This life I want to live might not look responsible, or rational, or realistic. But as my dear friend Diana said in a gchat therapy sesh, the Lord never called us to be responsible in a worldly standard. If He had, He wouldn't have praised the woman who broke her alabaster jar full of expensive perfume on His behalf. 

I want to be a woman who gladly gives it all for Jesus. Because there is so much beauty in a life surrendered to the Lord. 

***

You know where else there's a whole lot of beauty? Over on Bouqs.com. 

The Bouqs Company is a new online floral company that delivers beautiful, vibrant, fresh flowers straight to your door.  

The flowers featured above are called "Desperado," and they're even more gorgeous in real life. 

If you're like me, sometimes it can be tough to get a gift in the mail on time for a special event or birthday. I've always been a fan of sending flowers to show someone I love that I'm thinking of them. 

I've had a variety of experiences with different companies { I won't bash anyone, but once my flowers didn't show up on Mother's Day! :( }, so I know good customer service and good prices when I see them. And though it's not shown in my wardrobe choice above, I also know vibrant colors when I see those! 

The Bouqs Company has it all. Know someone who might need a little extra lovin' right now? Why not send them some flowers to make their day? I know they'll be thrilled to see this on their doorstep.

The above links are affiliate links, meaning that I receive compensation for any referred sales. The above product was provided for review from The Bouqs Company, but all opinions are 100% mine.

What I want to tell you

I'm sitting here in bed at 10:42PM listening to the rain, and trying to figure out how to kick off this blog post. And since I really want to say 'why hello there!' but I've already typed and erased that a few times cause it just doesn't sound right, I figured I may as well get on with it. 

I'm really glad I don't have an English teacher grading these blog posts. Pretty sure she would cringe at that introduction. 

There's just so much that I want to say right now. I want to tell you about the wonderful, fun, relaxing Bachelorette weekend I had in Palm Springs. 

I want to gush about the fact that I've known this girl since second grade, and it's crazy to see how the Lord has worked in each of our lives, and in our friendship. It's equally crazy that in exactly two months from yesterday, I'll be standing beside her as she gets married. Like, woah. 

And just for kicks:

I want to tell you that I'm reading this book: 

I want to tell you how reading Dave Lomas' vulnerable account of his own identity crisis has helped me identify my own. I want to tell you all about my Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis diagnosis, which is basically a super professional way of saying my eyes hate contacts. I would probably make a lot of jokes about it, and say a lot of positive things about how there is so much purpose in this & God is using it for His good and His glory. 

And, to be fair, both of those things are entirely true. God's using my broken eyeballs to do a lot of good in my heart, and it is pretty funny to say that I have broken eyeballs. 

But I also want to tell you that it's hard. I want to be authentic and say that it's shown me how much I was relying on feeling confident in my physical appearance. Sometimes you don't realize you're using something as a crutch until God so graciously takes away the crutch. 

Actually, it's not exactly when He takes it away that you realize it; it's what happens after. It's when you find yourself ugly crying, or grieving like you lost a limb, or feeling the crippling sensation of fear, hoplessness and doubt. All over whatever simple thing was removed in the first place, for me: contacts. 

 I also want to tell you that it's okay to do those things. It's okay to ugly cry; it's okay to grieve when you feel like you don't have a reason to; and it's okay to acknowledge that you feel crippled from fear, hopelessness, or doubt. God doesn't ask us to hide our emotions, and He certainly would never tell us they're invalid. They are valid to Him, because He understands them. He understands them more than we do. 

He doesn't want us to hide from our emotions, He wants us to walk through them with Him. Because guess what: there's a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that we might never have found had we not gone through the crutch-removal surgery in the first place. 

For me, I see that light. I see the fact that my heart and mind and vision are being restored to see beauty the way He sees it. I see that I'm learning to truly find confidence in the Lord above all other things. I see that I'm learning to throw up my hands, and surrender to Him what every part of my flesh wants to control via wikipedia/google/wedMD. I see that I'm learning to trust that He has good plans for me. 

And now that I've turned what I thought would be a tip-of-the-iceberg post into a full blown heres-my-life post, it's your turn. 

What's new with you?

A Giveaway For YOU!

I know I already posted today, but just wanted to wish you a Happy Friday one more time. 

This time, with a giveaway:

Violet from Blythe Ponytail Parades | Elise from Sunday Charm

Shannon from Imperfectly Perfect Grace | Sarah from Any Way the Wind Blows

Shane from Whispering Sweet Nothings | Angie from My So-Called Chaos

Colleen from Paisley Blvd. | Dani from Love Me, Dani Marie

Karissa from Karissa & Company | Joyce from Joyful Outfits

Heather from Glitter & Gloss | Amy from Sweet Home Santa Barbara

Tori from Eye Candy | Karly from Good Enough to Read

Maria from Agape Love Designs | Allison from Modern Memo

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Open to US only. Sorry!

A bunch of us ladies are getting together to give one lucky winner our favorite beauty supplies! A giant thank you to Cara for organizing all of this!

Good luck, lovelies!
 

Just call me four eyes

When I was little, I would say that I'm allergic to mosquito bites and cigarette smoke. I made that presumption based on the golf ball size of my mosquito bites, and the way that my lungs felt broken after a whiff of smoke. 

Now that I've got a few years of wisdom under my belt, I can see that I am, in fact, not allergic to mosquito bites or cigarette smoke. I just seem to have been blessed with blood that tastes as sweet as pina colada to mosquitos, and just about everyone and their mother is "allergic" to cigarette smoke. 

So what am I allergic to, you ask? Well, nothing really. Except apparently the contact brand that I've been using for the last five or so years. Yupp, turns out my eyes have decided to go all "ah heyyll no" to Acuvue contacts. (But I love your guys' ad campaign, really do). 

So what does this mean for me? It means I'm wearing these bad boys for the next couple of weeks as my eyes ease up on the temper tantrum:

Being restricted to my glasses really gets me thinking. You see, I've been your good old four eyes since wayy back in first grade, when my teacher ratted on me to my parents. Apparently it's not good to be squinting all the time. Psh, what did she know? 

So off we went to the eye doctor, and I can distinctly remember walking out of the office with my spankin' new pair of glasses, and looking around the parking lot. The blue in the sky! The green in the trees! It wasn't all blurring together. And just as God said "let there be light!", bam! Amy had sight again. 

And you would think that's a good thing, right? Wrong. Maybe it was nice to see clearly again, but it also introduced me to a whooole new element of self consciousness. My teacher had to remind me multiple times to wear my glasses, because I was willing to take the blurry blackboard (do kids even have those these days?), over the embarrassment of the glasses. 

Looking back, I can't even remember where that embarrassment came from. I highly doubt anyone actually told me that glasses made me ugly, and yet, that's how I felt. I carried that with me allll the way until my parents finally let me get contacts in 7th grade. And it was a happy day, let me tell you. 

Over the years, I got way more eye infections than I'd like to admit for overwearing my contacts. (And you wonder how I got an eye allergy...). This especially started happening in college, when late nights of studying (and other activites) would lead to the brilliant idea of sleeping in my contacts. And so, I would be forced to wear my glasses as my eyes would heal. 

Lo' and behold, I would actually get compliments on them. And it was right about then that I realized how ridiculous the self consciousness that I had been carrying for years was. The Lord has even further emphasized this to me, as I realize that my beauty doesn't come from appearance, or fashion, or fitness, or contacts versus glasses. My beauty comes from my Creator in Heaven. 

I remember one time being diagnosed with an eye infection, and looking straight at my eye doctor and saying "but I don't have glasses to wear." And I really didn't! I had left them in San Diego because that's how seldom I wore them. 

I'm thankful that now, I not only have a pair of glasses that I love (thanks, Firmoo!), but I can rock them realizing that glasses or no glasses, I am Amy Reed, daughter of the King of kings. 

And you are altogether beautiful, darling! Beautiful in every way. 

Happy Memorial Day!

Today, I am thankful for two different kinds of freedom. 

I am thankful for the freedom that we experience in our beautiful country. The freedom that I have come to realize isn't truly free. The kind that many have lost their lives to protect, and many others are currently far, far away from loved ones to do the same. The kind that some can only dream about, as they live in countries that experience bombings such as our Boston Marathon tragedy every single day. 

The older I get, the more I realize how incredibly blessed I am to live in this country, where freedom is a reality that I will probably always take for granted. 

Today, I am thankful for another kind of freedom, as well. I am thankful for the freedom that is found in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am thankful that I am no longer a slave to my sinful ways, that I am no longer stuck in my pride, or my jealousy, or my constant need to validate myself. 

Today, I am thankful that my soul is free. And I know that no matter what I may face here on this earth, nothing can change that fact. Because nothing can change what my Lord and Savior did for me on that cross. 

So today, I appreciate the freedom that I am blessed to experience in so many different ways. 

And I also appreciate the incredible beauty that is all around me in this world. 

I hope you enjoy your Memorial Day today!