My 24 Day Journey {& An Announcement!}

If you've been following along on my Instagram (@sweethomesb), you know that 24 days ago, on the first day of my 26th year, I started a fitness, health, & overall wellness journey. 

And friends, I've tried a lot of different health regimes. I've cut out sugar, I've counted calories, and to be brutally honest, the majority of my life I have bounced back and forth between feeling guilty about food and feeling restricted. 

And today, I can whole heartedly say that the last 24 days have

changed. my. life. 

I'm not going to shove before and after pictures in your face, and I'm not going to list statistics of how much I lost. Instead, I'm going to praise my God, and I'm going to tell you about how much I gained from this experience. 

I have been praying for freedom in my relationship with food for a long time. 

Those that know my story know that I battled a pretty brutal eating disorder for over 8 years of my life. Whenever I doubted if God was at work in this fitness journey of mine, whenever I wondered if I was doing this all for myself and my own desires, I was brought back to that fact. 

Over a third of my life was marked by an eating disorder, and my God, 

He redeems everything. 

So let me shout it really loud, with literal tears streaming down my face. 

This is not a fitness story. 

This is a redemption story. 

Man, my God is mighty good. 

In the last 24 days (3 Day Refresh + 21 Day Fix), I have found myself in a magically foreign place of having simultaneous joy + self control with food. The color-coded portion control system is so easy, and it really works. I have finally come to a place where I can enjoy my food (because guys, this girl loves food) AND treat my body well. 

And it feels so good, my friends. For a girl who has struggled in her relationship with food for nearly her entire life, 
I feel free. 

Photo by Becky Davis Photography

I was in a funk with my fitness routine before I started the 21 Day Fix, and was not looking forward to my work outs. I was doing them out of obligation, and that showed itself in the drastic decrease of my weekly work outs. 

These 30 minute videos? I love them. They have brought the joy back into my fitness routine, and I am so grateful. 

So yes, I lost weight in these last 24 days. But for me, that wasn't the goal. That was just the by product of the real success story here. 

Here's all that I gained: 

Joy. Joy. And More Joy. 

Peace in my relationship with food. 

Love for fitness, and for cooking, and for grocery shopping.

{Anyone notice that those are fruits of the Spirit? Galatians 5:22? I see you here, God.}

I Saved Money. My bank account was verrryy happy about how little I was eating out.

Muscles. ;) 

I made so many new Friends, other people doing the program who helped keep me motived and excited. 

Passion. Guys, I never ever saw myself in the health & fitness industry. But after experiencing this life change for myself, I want to be a part of it. 

My favorite part of the 21 Day Fix program is that it is absolutely sustainable. The eating plan is 100% do-able, and yes, I allow myself treats when the opportunity arises. The work out videos? You get to keep them for life, and can continue breaking a sweat each day & building those muscles. 

This isn't a 21 Day thing, it's a life thing. And I'm in. 

 So guys, as a result of how much I loved my experience, I am both excited and nervous to announce that

I am now a Beachbody Coach!

I believe in the programs this company offers. But I believe in them because 

I believe in YOU. 

You make the program successful, it doesn't make you successful. 

And ultimately, I believe in these programs because I believe in something bigger. 

I believe in a God who loves to change lives. 

I believe in a God who is passionate about freedom. 

And so this isn't a sales pitch, it's an invitation. This health thing? It's a lot like the journey of faith. It's not a one-day decision, it's an entire life endeavor. And like I said, I'm in. With every fiber of my being, I'm in. 

I want this freedom, guys. So this isn't me selling you freedom, it's me inviting you to join me on my quest for it. 

Photo by Becky Davis Photography

My wonderful coach (@carriemflynn) & I will be co-leading an August "Love Your Body" Accountability Group, beginning August 10th. 

If you have any interest in being a part of it, leave your e-mail address in the comments below, and I'll be in touch! Or, you can e-mail me at sweethomesbblog@gmail.com. 

I love you guys! I really, really do. You've been there with me through so many life journeys, and I thank you for being a part of this one, too. <3

Freedom to Listen

Sobriety freed me. I had no idea how thick the chains were until they were gone, and it felt good. I finally was free to discover who little Miss Amy Reed really is, without the fear of my personality changing after one or two or six drinks. 

I remembered how much I loved sober Amy, how fun and confident she was. In high school, I knew alcohol wasn't my thing, but I didn't judge others for it being theirs. After 6 years of that girl being gone, Jesus brought her back in full force. I truly can't express how grateful I am for that; I missed her. 

I not only was free to discover myself, but I was also freed from a lot of distractions. It's hard to hear God when you're battling a vicious cycle of temptation - guilt - temptation - guilt. It gets exhausting, right? When God so graciously removed alcohol from my life, He removed a big wedge that was getting in the way of my ability to hear Him. 

When I look back over 24, I see so much evidence of hearing God with new ears. One month into the year, I decided to sign up for a trip to Africa. The girl who had never been out of the country was getting on a plane to go share the gospel in Uganda - say what? 

Oh, how I miss those faces. It was staring into them that I saw mission with new eyes. I didn't leave the mission field in Africa, I brought it home with me. Something happened over on that beautiful, green Uganda mountain top. This girl had her heart set on fire for Jesus in a whole new way. 

Somewhere in those first few months of 24, I felt the Lord calling me to switch churches. Logically, it didn't make sense. I had no reason to leave my current church; still to this day, I can rave and rave and rave about how much I love it. But something in me felt it, this unexplainable peace that made the decision pretty easy for me. 

In that transition, God did so much work in my heart. He humbled me, grew me, used me, molded me, challenged me, encouraged me, and loved on me. I've met so many people that I never would have met, and I can't praise Him enough for that. 

24 was a year of learning to hear God, learning to search for His voice and follow it, trust it. It led to so many wonderful things this: new friends, new adventures, new stories. And I know this is only just the beginning. 

What I want to tell you

I'm sitting here in bed at 10:42PM listening to the rain, and trying to figure out how to kick off this blog post. And since I really want to say 'why hello there!' but I've already typed and erased that a few times cause it just doesn't sound right, I figured I may as well get on with it. 

I'm really glad I don't have an English teacher grading these blog posts. Pretty sure she would cringe at that introduction. 

There's just so much that I want to say right now. I want to tell you about the wonderful, fun, relaxing Bachelorette weekend I had in Palm Springs. 

I want to gush about the fact that I've known this girl since second grade, and it's crazy to see how the Lord has worked in each of our lives, and in our friendship. It's equally crazy that in exactly two months from yesterday, I'll be standing beside her as she gets married. Like, woah. 

And just for kicks:

I want to tell you that I'm reading this book: 

I want to tell you how reading Dave Lomas' vulnerable account of his own identity crisis has helped me identify my own. I want to tell you all about my Giant Papillary Conjunctivitis diagnosis, which is basically a super professional way of saying my eyes hate contacts. I would probably make a lot of jokes about it, and say a lot of positive things about how there is so much purpose in this & God is using it for His good and His glory. 

And, to be fair, both of those things are entirely true. God's using my broken eyeballs to do a lot of good in my heart, and it is pretty funny to say that I have broken eyeballs. 

But I also want to tell you that it's hard. I want to be authentic and say that it's shown me how much I was relying on feeling confident in my physical appearance. Sometimes you don't realize you're using something as a crutch until God so graciously takes away the crutch. 

Actually, it's not exactly when He takes it away that you realize it; it's what happens after. It's when you find yourself ugly crying, or grieving like you lost a limb, or feeling the crippling sensation of fear, hoplessness and doubt. All over whatever simple thing was removed in the first place, for me: contacts. 

 I also want to tell you that it's okay to do those things. It's okay to ugly cry; it's okay to grieve when you feel like you don't have a reason to; and it's okay to acknowledge that you feel crippled from fear, hopelessness, or doubt. God doesn't ask us to hide our emotions, and He certainly would never tell us they're invalid. They are valid to Him, because He understands them. He understands them more than we do. 

He doesn't want us to hide from our emotions, He wants us to walk through them with Him. Because guess what: there's a light at the end of the tunnel. A light that we might never have found had we not gone through the crutch-removal surgery in the first place. 

For me, I see that light. I see the fact that my heart and mind and vision are being restored to see beauty the way He sees it. I see that I'm learning to truly find confidence in the Lord above all other things. I see that I'm learning to throw up my hands, and surrender to Him what every part of my flesh wants to control via wikipedia/google/wedMD. I see that I'm learning to trust that He has good plans for me. 

And now that I've turned what I thought would be a tip-of-the-iceberg post into a full blown heres-my-life post, it's your turn. 

What's new with you?

Giving Up Bondage For Lent

Last week, I posted this picture:

and shared that I was endeavoring to give up bondage for lent. No big deal, right? Pretty simple, just cut it out all together. 40 days won't be that bad. 

{Everyone is allowed to roll their eyes with me. }

Let's keep it real: it's daunting, big, unknown, and slightly confusing. But it's something that I want to dive into in this space, for anyone else who may be battling a similar struggle. For anyone who might be finding themselves twisted in some chains, all the while knowing that Jesus is holding the key to remove them. Or, if you're anything like me, maybe you've come to the realization that you're not just twisted in your chains; you're holding onto them. 

This really has nothing to do with lent. It's something that I hope to continue doing for long after the 40 days pass, and hopefully, something I will start carrying into other aspects of my life where those pesky chains can be found. But right now, my focus is on one rather large area in my life where I've been in bondage for a long, long time. And it's something that I desperately need to experience the kind of freedom only Jesus can bring, because it's something I can't simply cut out of my life. 

It's food. 

I have so much to say about this struggle. So much that I have on my heart to share in hopes that it may bring freedom into others' lives, as I'm praying it does in mine. But for now, I'll start with this: last year, I gave up chocolate for lent. And then, enjoyed it for just one day before giving up sugar all together for the month of April. If I'm being perfectly honest, it felt great. Liberating, even. 

But the fact that it only took me a mere few months to get knee deep back into a struggle with food and cravings and perhaps even addiction shows that I was in no way free. I had cut a part of "the issue" out of my life for a portion of time, maybe even developed some self control. But lasting self control can't simply come from self, can it? It requires the Holy Spirit to be the sweet fruit of freedom that the Lord intended it to be. 

I don't think I knew what true freedom was until my birthday of last year, when God so graciously plucked alcohol out of my life, and flung it so far away that I had no choice but to joyfully dance in the sweet, sweet aroma of freedom. 

I don't have to remind myself not to drink, and I certainly don't need to over analyze it. It just is; I just don't drink anymore. And with a mind at ease and a heart full of peace, I now understand what being free feels like. 

So on the contrary, I know what it doesn't feel like. And I know that I'm not living in freedom in my relationship with food. I haven't for a very long time.

So for lent this year, here is what I'm giving up:

I'm giving up eating for comfort. 

I'm giving up eating because I'm bored. 

I'm giving up over analyzing my food choices. 

I'm giving up comparing what I eat to what those around me are eating. 

I'm giving up feeling guilty over food. 

And I'm begging the Lord to reveal to me other areas in my heart that are living in captivity in regards to food. I'm asking Him to help me take that hand that has been extended out for so darn long. He's been ready all along, I'm ready to be ready, too. 

6 Months

Today is my half birthday. And to be honest, it's not something that I usually give much thought to. It comes and it goes, and with it, there may be a brief "dang, half way through the year" moment. 

This year, things are a bit different. This year, the day doesn't only mark the fact that I am half way through my 24th year. This year, it also marks that I am 6 months into sobriety. And that is something I want to celebrate.

I haven't written much about it since the 60 day mark, but today, I want to jot down some thoughts. I haven't shared much in the last 4 months because to be honest, it doesn't feel like a big deal. It's like one day I drank, and the next day I didn't anymore. I haven't once questioned my decision, or felt tempted to have a drink.

It doesn't feel like a big deal, but the fact is, it is. It is a big deal. I wasn't exactly a casual drinker; alcohol was very much a part of my life. And now, it's not. And I have a man named Jesus Christ to thank for that. 

Six months ago, as I celebrated my 24th birthday at a worship concert, I tangibly experienced the freedom of the gospel in a way I never had before. You may be thinking "wow, what a goody-two-shoes Christian, celebrating her birthday at a worship concert." And to that, I would beg to differ. 

I needed that worship concert. I needed those lyrics blasting in my ears telling me that God's grace covers me. I needed to hear that I am redeemed, restored, and that nothing, nothing can separate me from His love. I needed it because I was dealing with so much shame from poor decisions made the evening before. 

The feeling of guilt over decisions made while intoxicated was not unfamiliar to me. As a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. I knew it so well, the tossing and turning of an anxious stomach, the nervous thoughts of who could possibly be mad at me, the heavy weight of shame. 

I sat there wondering if I was ever going to beat this, this battle with alcohol. I wondered if this was going to plague me all of my life. I had tried and tried to be a "responsible drinker," and it just wasn't feeling possible. And right as the anxious thoughts were building, a voice broke through them. 

"You are free to abstain."

And boom. I was. 

For the first time in my life, I felt the freedom that I have in the Lord. I felt it wash over me, rid me of all of my guilt and shame. I saw the gift right in front of me, and consciously realized that all I had to do was grab it. 

Grab it, I did. And nothing has been the same since. The girl who had tried and failed to give up alcohol many times before, even cried over the fear of how it would affect friendships, suddenly was overwhelmed with peace. The peace that only comes from the Lord. 

I gradually broke the news to friend after friend, and was so incredibly blessed by the support of each one. Some had seen this battle first hand, and others may not have fully understood the decision, but all were supportive. All were loving. All were proud. 

I learned so much about myself in those first few months. I saw how much of my security was wrapped up in alcohol. I had to bring that straight to the Lord, who helped me face all of those fears of being inferior without a glass in my hand. 

I learned so much about my friends. I can't tell you how much it blessed me when someone specifically brought a non-alcoholic drink just for me. Or how much it blessed me to receive invites to things like a wine club party, or to be asked to help pour drinks at a festival.

I was so humbled by the love and support of others. I once was afraid that giving up alcohol would cause me to lose friendships, and I can happily say that it has only strengthened them. 

From the outside, my life doesn't look very different now. I go to all of the same events, and even hold the same glasses in my hand. The only differences may be that I make a whole lot less ugly faces while sipping beverages, and DD more than I used to. 

But on the inside? There's a big difference. And I have no way to describe that other than to say I feel free. And it feels good. 

For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 

// 2 Corinthians 3:17 //

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 

// John 8:36 //

In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. 

// Psalm 118:5 //

Finding Freedom

I am in a season of healing. 

The very beginning phases. 

Because in order to be healed, 

you have to admit that you're broken, don't you?

***

I wrote those words almost five months ago. Five whole months. Man, time flies. And as the time goes, the change comes. The growth comes. And the healing comes. 

I am still in a season of healing. A different one, though. You see, our God is a kind, loving and protective God. He opens our eyes to our brokenness because He sees the big picture. And as we surrender our vision to His, we start to see a teeeensy bit of what He sees. We start to see outside the crooked lines that box in our brokenness. And you know what's outside those lines?

Restoration. 

Yesterday marked 60 days since my last alcoholic drink. 60 days. It's incredibly bizarre how this can feel like the biggest life change that I have made in all of my 24 years, and yet also like nothing has changed at all. It oddly feels like I have transported back in time to my 18 year old self, who confidently knew that alcohol was not her thing, but never judged others for it being theirs. I really liked that about her. I'm glad she's back. 

I'm starting to dig a little deeper into this complex heart of mine. When I feel myself get angry, I ask why. When I feel myself wanting to share the latest juicy gossip, I ask why. When I feel myself halfheartedly celebrating a friend's victory because I am secretly seething at the fact that it was not my own, I ask why. 

So what does this have to do with sobriety? How does analyzing my own issues with anger, gossip and jealousy have anything to do with politely declining that glass of wine offered to me? 

Because it all comes down to finding freedom. And that, my friends, is the season of healing that I am in now. I see my brokenness, God. I see that the issue isn't with the friend who inadvertently made me feel like she didn't care. I see that the issue isn't with telling people about the incredibly interesting news that I am so privileged to know. The issue isn't with the friend who accomplished something that I wanted to accomplish. I see, God, that the issue isn't with alcohol. 

The issues are with my heart. 

And no, from the outside, they may not seem like that big of problems. It's not like I act out on the anger that I feel (very often), and who doesn't gossip these days? Jealousy is something that everyone battles, and at our age, who is going to judge you for having one, two, or four drinks at happy hour? 

If you're thinking these are pretty darn normal, then I would say that you're right. They are pretty darn normal in our world, and they aren't a very big deal. 

But to God? They are. 

Why?

It's not because He is a tyrant of a Man upstairs sitting and holding his list of the 10 commandments, slapping them with a ruler each time someone steps out of line. It's not because He created a list a loooong time ago, and simply has too big of an ego to admit "hey, maybe I over did it a bit back then."

God made this list because He knows our human hearts. He understands how they work, and the impact these things have on us. 

He knows what it does to my heart each time I act in sin. Whether it's letting those emotions of anger and bitterness fester, instead of acknowledging the real issues going on in my heart. Whether it's giving into the urge to gossip only to give myself an ego boost of how much people confide in me. Perhaps it's competing with someone only to give myself a sense of value and worth. Or maybe it's having one too many alcoholic drinks to feel like a cool kid, and escape whatever else my mind might want to think about. 

The fact is, I didn't use to give these things a second thought. But now, I do. Now, I have learned to take the time to think through my actions before I complete them, to filter through my emotions before I let them control me. And that, my friends, is finding freedom. 

Finding freedom from myself. 

And finding freedom in the Spirit.

Happy Memorial Day!

Today, I am thankful for two different kinds of freedom. 

I am thankful for the freedom that we experience in our beautiful country. The freedom that I have come to realize isn't truly free. The kind that many have lost their lives to protect, and many others are currently far, far away from loved ones to do the same. The kind that some can only dream about, as they live in countries that experience bombings such as our Boston Marathon tragedy every single day. 

The older I get, the more I realize how incredibly blessed I am to live in this country, where freedom is a reality that I will probably always take for granted. 

Today, I am thankful for another kind of freedom, as well. I am thankful for the freedom that is found in my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am thankful that I am no longer a slave to my sinful ways, that I am no longer stuck in my pride, or my jealousy, or my constant need to validate myself. 

Today, I am thankful that my soul is free. And I know that no matter what I may face here on this earth, nothing can change that fact. Because nothing can change what my Lord and Savior did for me on that cross. 

So today, I appreciate the freedom that I am blessed to experience in so many different ways. 

And I also appreciate the incredible beauty that is all around me in this world. 

I hope you enjoy your Memorial Day today!