When Life Happens

I've been neglecting this space lately. Honestly, I feel like I've been neglecting it for the majority of 2014. I kicked off the year going to Africa, came back, and something shifted. At first, I thought it was just the Africa thing. I thought I was avoiding coming to jot down my thoughts, because I couldn't figure out what my thoughts were. I couldn't possibly get out the words to capture what happened in my heart over there, so I kind of just didn't. 

I tried writing about other things, and yet I still found myself not writing. I still found myself consistently choosing other things over blogging, whether it was time with friends, or time alone with God, or time with sleep. 

2014 marked a shift. A shift that left me with more living, and less writing. And at a certain point, I became okay with that. I knew writing was a big passion of mine, but I knew following Jesus where ever He took me was an even bigger one. I knew that if He was calling me to invest in my real world community instead of my online one, I had to be okay with that. 

I think it helped that part of me knew I wasn't done with writing. 

Part of me knew that He wasn't done with my writing. 

It was just a shift, and I gave into it, trusting Him fully. 

While there are many things that I miss about regular blogging, one of the biggest is the documenting. I love looking back over the years, and walking through the memories. Some things that deserved to be documented, and plenty that probably didn't, but I love that it all was. 

Some things just hands down deserve to be documented, and this weekend, one of those things happened.  

I don't even care that I look ghostly in these pictures, they bless me more than I could even express. This weekend, I had a brand spankin' new view at church. I stood behind the pulpit for the first time, instead of sitting in front of it. I had a mic strapped on for the first time, spoke for multiple services for the first time, and busted out all my best hand gestures (those are a fairly regular occurance). 

This weekend, I got to preach the gospel. I got to share the story of how Jesus has transformed my life, and was privileged and blessed to encourage others in their journey with Him. 

There are no words for what happened in my heart on that stage. All I know is it's what this heart was made to feel. 

I've been speaking at a Wednesday night gathering I'm a part of, and the passion I feel for teaching about the Lord is unreal. There is so much to the story of how that even started, how I even got to be in this body of believers, and on that pulpit in the first place. Maybe one day, I'll share the whole story here. It's a likely possibility. 

But for now, here's what I have to say. Our God makes dreams come true. Our God creates each person so uniquely, and places specific desires in their heart. He delights in fulfilling those God-given desires.

Growing up, I had a passion for speaking. In my high school youth group, I asked if I could speak one Sunday and share my testimony. It never happened, and I was disappointed at the time. I can look back now and realize that it was most likely because my testimony hadn't even begun yet. 

Somewhere along the line, the teenage insecurity kicked in and pushed out that passion for speaking. You put me in front of a classroom in high school or college, and my knees would start shaking like no other. Being in the limelight had no appeal when the voice quivers came in full force. 

With Jesus in the picture, that passion slowly started coming back. I'm not sure when it even did, but somehow, I was speaking and teaching and loving every minute of it. Somehow, the desire to share my testimony publicly resurfaced, and lo' and behold, our pastor asked me to do just that. 

Sunday was a day I will forever remember. It's a day that I hold onto as the beginning of something big, dreaming with expectant faith that my God has a plan here. 

Because my God makes dreams come true. 

Dream big, my friends. 

On Being Single

I feel like it's been a while since I really poured out my heart here. That was one of my favorite thing about the 31days challenge, just taking time each and every day to dig through some of my own internal thoughts right here on my little space in Blogland. And so, at 11:25PM after a day that's been nonstop since 6:30AM, I sit down to dive into a topic that's near and dear to my heart. Good plan, right? 

I think so. Less filter will probably mean more of the good stuff. ;)

***

If you're new around here {from a giant giveaway, perhaps?}, hello! My name is Amy, and I blog here at Sweet Home Santa Barbara. I know it would be a much smarter strategic-blogger move to do a light hearted introduction post, but oh well. I've never been much strategic around here anyway. {But you can check out any of these posts, if you'd like!}

You've probably figured out by the title of this post that I'm single. There's not many of us here in the Bloggy World, but here I am! I wanted to share on that a little today. This blog has turned into quite the documentation of my life journey over the years, and I want to be able to look back on these early 20s and be reminded of the amazing things that God did. I also want to document it for any other single ladies out there. Maybe you're searching for some encouragement, just to know you're not alone in this "I thought I'd be married, or at least seriously dating, by now" phase of life. I've been there, and let's be real, I'm still there from time to time. 

There is not a single doubt in my mind that I am meant to be single right now. For how long? I don't know. But I look at my life, and I just know that I'm in the right place. I look at the friendships that I'm able to invest serious time in, and at the church that I'm able to really pour my heart into. I look at the speaking opportunities, the Bible studies, and this here blog. I look at the weekend trips, and the monthly visits home to San Diego. It all fits just so perfectly, and I know that there is a reason that God has me single right now. Could that change tomorrow? It sure could. But for right now, at this very 11:37PM moment, I have so much peace about being single. 

I think that's the key to living a happy life {among many others, I'm sure}, finding peace in your situation, whatever that might look like. Sure, it might change at the snap of a finger. But for right now, you are where you are, and God wants to use you. Period. He's not waiting on you to figure out your junk, or get your act together. He's not waiting until you're older, or wiser, or in the next phase of your life. He just wants to use you. Right now. 

I used to think that I held the key to being "ready for a relationship." I imagined that God was sitting up there with my future husband in sight, just waiting for me to learn all my lessons, and get all my mistakes out before He would send him my way. It recently clicked that this is so far from the truth. God isn't waiting on me, if He wanted me married, I'd be married by now. And I'm certainly not going to have all my mishaps out of my system before I get married {sorry future husband}. Learning is a part of life, there's no expiration date on that. 

Realizing that lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. My motives were all out of whack before, and it feels like God realigned me. Instead of focusing on growing closer to God to be a better wife one day, I can breathe & focus on growing closer to God simply to grow closer to God. When I stumble and fall, I no longer view it as a roadblock to my future husband, but as a learning situation. I realize that the goal is not to get married one day, the goal is to live this life for Jesus. To love like Him as much as I possibly can in this worldly body that I've been given. And if marriage will one day bring glory to His name, then I have no doubts that's in the cards for me. But for now, I can find peace knowing that this season of singleness is no accident. It's not a result of my past sins, it's simply where God wants me right now. And I rejoice in that. 

Yupp, you read that right. I rejoice in being single.

If you're single right now, I hope you can find some encouragement in knowing it's no accident. God is not punishing you with your singleness, & He hasn't forgotten you. I know it can feel that way, believe me. But take heart in knowing that He has a plan for you. And it's a good one.