Marriage Mondays - Trust & Control

One of the first lessons I learned about marriage is the importance of grace. "Extend grace" is one of the most common pieces of advice aside from "don't go to bed angry." And that advice becomes extremely applicable as you are learning each other's habits and preferences, noticing what ways you irk one another, and what unintentional ways you can hurt one another. 

Another area where grace is helpful? When you write a post for your "Marriage Mondays" series on a Tuesday evening, ha! Such is life, yes? Good thing there's grace. ;)

Today's post has to do with the 4 legged addition that came into our family last week, and how adopting a puppy reminded me of a valuable lesson for not only marriage, but faith in general. 

We adopted our sweet Koby boy from Santa Barbara's Dog Adoption & Welfare Group. Our apartment has a strict 25 lb. weight limit (we were so relieved Koby met that requirement!), so after some failed attempts due to hesitation at how big a puppy would grow, we decided to keep our options open and look at some full grown dogs. The first one we spotted was a beautiful year and a half old spaniel / dachshund mix named Woody. 

He had a gorgeous, long-haired coat (something I'm a total sucker for), and a seemingly calm demeanor. He looked perfect for us! We were nearly ready to fill out the paperwork before an employee came over & gave us some fair warnings on some behavior issues. Woody had already been returned twice, and they wanted to be sure they found the right owner to ensure he found a forever home. 

As she explained to us the type of training and atmosphere a dog like Woody would need in order to thrive, she said something that really caught my attention and stuck with me. She didn't emphasize the immense amount of behavior therapy that he would need, nor did she drill us on the extensive amount of training we would have to give him; she said, "with the right relationship built upon trust, Woody will learn to feel safe & respect boundaries." {Or something like that.}

She was saying that relationship leads to obedience. And that concept has stuck in my mind ever since. 

We didn't feel in the right place to step into that role in Woody's life, but we have stepped into that role in Koby's life. And I'm so grateful for that employee sharing those wise words with us, because it has helped me focus on building a relationship built on trust with my pup versus trying to control him. And in doing so, we have seen awesome results!

It was this past weekend that I drew a connection between this concept of dog training, and having a relationship with God. It's not only dogs that require trusting relationships, but us humans, too! For so long, I struggled with obeying the Lord. Now, I can see a direct correlation with my obedience of the Lord, and my trust in the Lord. 

As I began to trust the Lord, I began to obey the Lord without a second thought. If I trusted Him, what reason would I have for not obeying Him? Why would I struggle giving up control to someone I trust? Just like a dog can relinquish control to a loving owner, I can relinquish control to a loving God. 

And ding-ding-ding! That's when this lesson related to marriage, for me. Because as one can imagine, sharing your life with another human being involves a lot of giving up control. You go from having total control of everything in your life, to sharing it. You share your finances, you share your time, you share your food. The chores you used to do yourself? The ones that you didn't even realize you were particular over? Yeah, you share those duties now. Sometimes, you do them your way. And sometimes, he does them his. 

I didn't think I was controlling before, but boy! Do I see it with new light now. It's something I'm consistently working on, how to surrender control gracefully instead of forcing my hand, and my way. 

So this lesson? For me, it showed that if I have a loving, trusting relationship, I can joyfully yield control. My dog does not fight me for control of his leash, does he? And just as I hold the leash directing him, I know Who holds the reins in my life. So whether it's yielding control to my husband, or yielding control to my God, either can be done when I remember how much I trust, respect & adore them both. 

And on that note, another guy I adore? Koby. Here's a video of our first week together as a family of 3, if you'd like an extra dose of cuteness for your day. :)

Happy Humpday, friends! Thanks for reading. It blesses me more than I can say!

Fear vs. Trust

I was journaling last week when I had a sudden moment of keen awareness of a trend in my life. I tend to adjust my expectations to avoid disappointment. In my hobbies, goals, and even interpersonal relationships, I see this common theme of setting low expectations to avoid potential undesired outcomes. 

I adjust my health coaching goals to avoid failure, or disappointment. I adjust my expectations in my friendships to avoid feeling let down, or rejected. And I can adjust myself and my behavior to avoid stepping outside of God's will. 

And that last one miiight sound a teensy bit wise, right? Sure, it's good to want to stay inside God's will! But sitting on my really-blue-but-has-a-brown-cover couch during the wee hours of last Friday's morning, it was as though I suddenly saw the clear underlying issue in all of these behavior patterns. 

F E A R. 

I adjust my goals out of fear of failure. I engage in friendship while simultaneously operating out of a fear of rejection. And I am constantly analyzing myself & whether I'm on the "right" path because I'm afraid of going the wrong way. 

FEAR. FEAR. FEAR. 

I tend to think of fear as this overpowering emotion that leaves you paralyzed and trembling in a corner. I thought it was easily identifiable, and didn't think it was something I struggled with. 

It turns out, I was wrong.

I don't think fear in and of itself is bad, just like I don't think any emotion in and of itself is bad. But I do think that when an emotion becomes the driving and controlling force behind our behavior, it's dangerous.  

My fear became louder than my God. 

But luckily, my God is not afraid to get loud for His children to hear Him. ;) 

Sitting on that couch, I felt God ask me a hopefully life-changing question. 

If I operated out of trust, I would trust that my disappointments and failures would be used for God's glory. If I operated out of trust, I would trust that God's acceptance means far more than any rejection ever could. If I operated out of trust, I would trust that if I go the wrong way (when I go the wrong way?), God WILL redirect me. 

It would literally alter every. single. area of my life. 

Trusting God would enable me to trust myself, knowing that He is bigger than me and fully capable of leading me. Trusting God would enable me to trust others, knowing that I have nothing to lose with all my worth in Christ, and simply everything to gain from community & relationships. 

Trusting God would make it impossible to operate out of fear. I truly believe that it's that simple. 

Living it out? I'll be the first to admit, "not so much." But I'm on a quest to get there! To find this life that operates out of trust instead of fear. This life that doesn't hide from fear, but also is not controlled by it. This life that really, really lives out of the knowledge that God is trustworthy, and oh so good. 

And that's where I'm at on this Monday. What's God got you chewing on?

XO,

Amy

Trust

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

Lean not on your own understanding.

Proverbs 3:5

This is the second time I've quoted that verse on the blog, and I'm sure it won't be the last. 

It's just so good. 

And yet, sometimes, it's so much easier said than done.

Why is that?

I know that His plan for my life is 100 times better than any plan I could even dream up for myself. 

I know that He is a good God. 

So much more good than I could even fathom. A type of good that can't be found on this earth.

So why is it so easy for me to stress about things in my life? 

When I have already decided that I would rather God dictate the path for my life, why do I so easily forget and try to take the reins back for myself?

It's like a part of me thinks that He is so big, that He will forget. 

He has so many important things in this world to take care of, right? How could He possibly concern himself with the minuscule factors of my life?

Like where I should live? Who I should marry? What dream job I should pursue?

He's only concerned about the big picture, right?

Wrong.

God is very much concerned with even things that go overlooked in my eyes. 

The strangers that I cross paths with, no accident. 

The stop light changing color to cause me to be a few minutes later than I had planned, no surprise to Him.

The fact that I put off buying new running shoes for weeks upon weeks, 100% used by Him to lead me to my future roommate and now amazing friend, Ashlee.

I want to stop worrying, and start trusting. 

Because you know what, if there is one person worth trusting in this world, Jesus is it. 

Have a blessed day, my friends!