My Better

I don't often hear audibly from God. I always feel His leading, constantly experience His peace, and I know He's there. But tangibly hear a voice that's not my own? That's pretty rare. 

So when it happens? You bet I hold onto it. 

***

It seemed like a typical Sunday. Besides the fact that I was coming off a church conference high, everything else seemed normal. I woke up, got ready, made my way to the high-school-turned-church down the street, embarked on my usual round of greetings/hugs, and went into the theater for service. 

Worship started, and I was whole-heartedly worshiping, while utilizing the spiritual gift of multi tasking. {you know you've done it too}

My mind was in two places, half focusing on the powerful lyrics of praise, and half focusing on a potential love interest. Thoughts were swirling as we sat for a slower song, which is usually my prime time to channel my inner rebel and stand. But for some reason, this time I sat. I sat, and I thought. 

When I was just about to reach a personal record for the amount of over-analyzing performed during a worship set, a voice stopped me. Clear as a bell, I heard the words that I haven't since forgotten. 

Amy, I have better for you.

The sentence repeated itself a handful of times, as my mind just soaked in that moment. It took me a while to come back enough to realize I had missed the cue to stand, and was now the sole individual sitting in the midst of a raised audience. 

Dang, I thought to myself. 

I wrote it down. I let that promise sink in good and deep, because I knew there was no other alternative for processing a word like that from God. 

It had nothing to do with the person on my mind, and everything to do with a loving Father trying to get His daughter's attention. Mission completed, Big Guy. 

I didn't know exactly what "better" was, but I knew my God was revealing to me that He had a different plan. And praise the Lord, I was finally at a place of trusting Him enough to know that

His plan is the only one I want. 

***

We were driving in the car, stuck in San Francisco traffic. I knew I was falling pretty hard when I didn't want the traffic to clear. I was enjoying just being with him, miles of break lights and all. 

There were moments of silence, and I actually enjoyed them. They gave me time to soak up everything that was happening, the butterflies and the magic and the jitters of a new relationship. The stuff that you never want to go away. 

In one of those silent seconds, that story came to me. I went back to that moment of hearing that promise from God, and I smiled from head to toe realizing the truth of that statement. 

I looked down at our holding hands. I've got a story for you, I said. 

I finished, and paused. With the biggest smile on my face, I squeezed his hand a little tighter. 

You're my better, I said. 

***

He has so much better for us, guys. I never want to forget that promise that was given to me that Sunday morning, because I never want to settle for less than His plan. 

It's not just with relationships. He has a perfect plan for me, and a perfect plan for you. So easily we can look to this world, and try to figure it out on our own. Try to accomplish our dreams, go after our goals, strive to be the person we want to be. 

Guys, He's got better for us. So much better. And I hope, and I pray that none of us miss it. 

Ripple Effect

We were driving in the car, to a fro yo date to be exact. Me in the driver's seat, her diagonally behind me in the back, our usual seating arrangement. I was doing what I always do when she's in the car, blasting ridiculous tunes with corresponding ridiculous dance moves. She was indulging me with giggles that will probably only last a few more years before they turn to embarrassment. 

She asked me if I ever wear my contacts anymore. I said I wear them on special occasions, the way she does with the pretty dress she had on that day. She asked if it's because I didn't take care of my contacts. Clearly, one: she is too smart for her own good, and two: Mom took advantage of a "learn-from-your-older-sister's-mistake" moment. 

She then said in her proudest voice, "I'm going to get glasses soon!" 

I asked her, "Really? Did you go to the eye doctor?" To which she responded, "No, Dad tested me by holding up notecards with letters on them." {Got a good laugh imaging that. Way to go Dad, who needs them eye doctors anyway?}

I asked her how she felt about getting glasses; she said she was excited. "2 of my friends wear glasses," she said, "and you do too."

I praised, and praised, and praised Him in that moment.

 I praised Him for every visit to the eye doctor in the last year and a half that left me with the same diagnosis: your eyes hate contacts. I praised Him for every failed attempt to fix that. I praised Him for every time I sat and cried because I felt ugly in my glasses, for every time I wrestled with the lie that I would never find a husband in these things. 

Sound a bit dramatic? Isn't that just how the enemy works? He plants these lies in your head that just spiral, and spiral, and spiral. 

Until they don't spiral anymore. Until you put your foot down on that rock solid ground of God's truth and say enough. Until you look up to heaven, and through teared eyes confess that you need help believing His truth, because you're done with the lies. 

And that's what I've done these past few months. I've looked up to Him and asked Him to help me believe His truth that says I'm beautiful. That says I'm altogether beautiful, beautiful in every way. {Song of Solomon 4:7} 

Beautiful with or without makeup, give or take 5, or 10, or 20 pounds, in a perfectly coordinated outfit or in sweatpants, and with or without glasses. 

I praised Him in that moment, because He came through. I'm not sure when or how it happened, but some time during Catalyst, my mind just shifted. The lies started fading, and the truth started solidifying. It will be an ongoing process, I'm sure, but it's happening. 

And it's not just affecting me. It never just affects us, does it? Our lives affect the people around us whether we realize it, or not. Whether we want it to, or not. 

And in this particular situation? I want it to. I want to do everything in my power to ensure that little girl grows up knowing she is beautiful inside and out because her Father in Heaven made her that way. 

Just two weeks ago, I was hard core wrestling with this. I knew there was good in the outcome, but I was very much mourning the process it would take to get there. I wanted to use this to help as many girls as possible learn the lesson that I was learning, that we put conditions on our beauty when we try to live up to the world's standard of beautiful, conditions that God never created, nor intended for us. I wanted to help others learn this, but I was really struggling with learning it myself. I was really struggling with giving up those conditions. 

And you know what, it was worth the struggle. It was worth it to hear her little, tiny, 9 year old voice talking about wearing glasses with pride. 

He really, really does work everything together for good. {Romans 8:28}

Happy Tuesday, friends. Whether you're wrestling, resting, or rejoicing today, I hope it's a blessed one. 

Rainbows & Butterflies

You ever wake up, and just think "nooope"? That happened to me yesterday, must have been some sort of humpday funk. What started as simply not wanting to get out of bed spiraled into all sorts of negativity. Fun stuff, huh?

I dragged myself out of bed after hitting more snooze alarms than I'd care to admit, threw an outfit together, debated putting make up on, decided against it, and went on my way. There may or may not have been multiple moments of getting on my knees to ask Jesus for help getting my spunk back. 

The second I walked out of my apartment complex, I saw it. A gorgeous, bright pink sky, perfectly painted from top to bottom. My whoppin' 7 minute commute was spent smirking at the Lord thinking "You would God, you would." 

I pulled into my work parking lot, and prepared to muster up ever ounce of joy in my lackluster system. I gathered my things together, stepped out of my car, and glanced over my shoulder. Still in awe of the gorgeous sunrise, this most definitely made my jaw drop. 

Excuse the poor photo quality, and the fact that my work backs up to telephone poles and autoshops, and direct your attention to the huge. giant. rainbow. 

Ya'll: It wasn't even raining. 

"I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. 

It is the sign of my covenant with you, 

and with all the earth."

 Genesis 9:13

Our God is an awesome God, alright. You best believe I found my joy when I saw that rainbow. 

A little bit of Jonah for your day

Happy Friday!

Any post on a Friday, serious or not, deserves to start with that greeting. Am I right? 

It's been a jam packed week. There's been coffee dates, dinner dates, serious convos, not-so-serious convos, work outs, manicures (okay, just one). A little bit of everything. 

And it's been good, great even. But you know what there hasn't been a lot of? Me and Jesus time. I love starting and ending my days with the Lord, and even that didn't happen every day this week.

I'm starting to realize just how much Jesus time I need. I think the more on mission you get, the more alone time with the Lord you need. Because the fact of the matter is, you just can't be on mission without Christ. 

And guess what? We are all on mission. It doesn't matter if you're gearing up for a mission trip to Uganda, or if you're being on mission right in your home or in your workplace, 

if you love Jesus Christ then you are on mission for Him!

So if you don't feel like you're on mission, allow me to welcome you to the team. You are! You've been commissioned by Him the moment you surrendered your life to Him. And He is using you! Even if you don't feel it.

So as I come to a close this week, I am feeling the effect of my serious lack of Jesus time. I might not be showing it on the outside, but my inside is swimming with frustration and insecurity and selfishness. And those things, well they keep me from loving people the way that I want to, don't they? 

I prayed last night, asked God to fill me with His Spirit so that I would be able to pour out His love, but I woke up this morning still gripping those frustrations. Holding onto them for dear life, as if I could do something about them. 

But the fact is, I can't and I don't want to! I want to show the love of Christ. I want to help people feel valued and cared about. So those frustrations that root from, well, probably this, I want to surrender those to the Lord. Because I can't accomplish what I want to accomplish while holding onto them.

I walked out to my car to take a little breather. I scrolled through the Bible app on my phone, and randomly came to Jonah 2, where Jonah is praying from inside the whale. He is calling out to the Lord, confessing that He needs Him. That He's sinking beneath the waves (literally).

He prays for 9 verses, proclaiming out to God. And then, verse 10, so simple and so powerful. And so revealing of how our God works:

Then, the Lord ordered the fish to spit Jonah out onto the beach. 

  Boom. Just like that, our God was faithful to respond. Isn't He always working like that? Hearing our cries and rescuing us from whatever it is that we're facing? Whether it's the biggest issue we will ever face in our entire life, or simply a case of a frustrated heart.  

The Lord is faithful to respond.

So consider me freshly spit out of the fish, ready to have a good weekend. 

I hope you have one too! :)

Thankful

I have no idea how many times that I've read this verse. Probably a lot. 

But this weekend, I read it with new appreciation. This weekend, it really hit me. 

Even when I am unfaithful, God remains faithful to me. 

Even a midst my lack of trust, my rebellion, my doubt. God is faithful through it all. As I'm fighting Him and running away, He is chasing after me with His love. Because He knows that His love is all I need. 

He can only be Himself. He simply cannot deny who He is. 

And who is that exactly?

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, 

slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. 

Psalm 103: 8

He does not punish us for all our sins;

He does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. 

For His unfailing love toward those who fear Him 

is as great as the height of the heavens above the Earth.

Psalm 103: 10-11

The Lord is like a father to his children,

tender and compassionate to those who fear Him.

Psalm 103: 13

Where is another God like you,

who pardons the guilt of the remnant,

overlooking the sins of His special people?

You will not stay angry with your people forever,

because you delight in showing unfailing love.

Micah 7: 18

Our God is a wonderful, loving and patient God. And I am extremely thankful that His love cannot be earned, nor lost. 

He simply is who He is, no matter who I am.