Marriage Mondays - Many Advisers

PJ & I had a combined 22 people in our wedding party, 11 on each side. As we would share that number with people leading up to the big day, we were typically met with "woah! that's a lot of people!" And yes, you could definitely say it is. But for us, there was just no way to cut it down. 

Each of these people carried a significant place in our heart. They were either family, or pretty much family. They are the ones who we shared every detail of our relationship with, from "I met a cute guy!" to "I just bought an engagement ring." They were the ones who listened, who prayed, who advised, and who laughed with us along the way. And we just couldn't imagine our big day without each of these wonderful people beside us!

Having these people beside us in dating made it so that there was also someone to go to with a prayer request, or when needing advice. Nothing in our relationship was kept secret, we made sure people knew the happenings of our lives so that they could advise when necessary.

I think there's a fine boundary between overly sharing, and being overly private. There's wisdom in not sharing all things with all people, but there's one particular verse that I've seen proven true in my life over, and over again in regards to sharing life details. And it continues to make itself useful & relevant in marriage, as well:

The older I get, the more I realize that I simply need advice and counsel from other people. I now see that the moment I think I have it all figured out, is the moment I've been deceived by my own pride. I never have it all figured out, and I never will until I see my God face to face. Until then, I will fully utilize the community that has been given to me to walk through life with many, many advisers. 

Friends, this is so true within marriage. Whether you are simply vulnerable enough with a friend to divulge the happenings of your marriage, or humble enough to seek outside counsel (I'll say I have already done this in less than 3 months of marriage, ha!), there is such wisdom in sharing with other people. Humility comes from allowing others to speak into your life, and humility will help a marriage thrive. Pride on the other hand? Not so much. 

Before I end this post & have you dishing all your deets to anyone who will listen, let me caution with one last point. In my life, I've come to learn the importance of considering the source before I go for advice. Many, many people can advise you in life, and the reality is that advice can take you in all. sorts. of directions. You can tire yourself out by trying to put into action the counsel given by too many advisers, or the situation can worsen with only one piece of poor advice. Don't forget that we're all human, and we're all susceptible to incorrectly advising. 

One way you can turn over-sharing into wisely-sharing is by asking yourself, "will this person give me wise advice?" It can be so easy to talk just to talk, but there is just as much danger in that as there is staying overly private. When you talk, be sure it's with someone who you can trust to steer you in the right direction. For me? That means I'm talking with someone who I know will steer me to Christ. 

Thank you to the many advisers that I have in my life. I know that this marriage would not even be in place had it not been for the influence you have all had on my life. 

Marriage Mondays - Getting Ready

This weekend, we got all of the pictures from our wedding. Our friend Becky Davis did an absolutely incredible job; we are SO happy with how they turned out and captured our big day!

I thought it would be fun to share some pictures each week for Marriage Mondays, and tie them into the topic of the post. Today, I want to chat about getting ready, and how we did our best to prepare for marriage leading up to March 5th. I want to share about what that looked like, and how it actually ended up playing out now that we're married. 

For us, I would say preparation began fairly unconventionally on the night we met. I've shared about that night a few times (such as here), and if you know about it, you probably already know that we got real deep, real quick. Sitting on a bench, me in my bridesmaid dress & him in a fancy outfit he had bought at Target hours before, we chatted about what we envisioned our future marriages looking like. 

For him, it was probably the liquid courage. ;) And for me, it was nothing more than my love of heart to hearts. But there on that bench, we realized that we had a lot in common for how we wanted dating & marriage to look. 

Having broken the ice, we had no fear of talking about marriage for the entirety of our relationship. As a matter of fact, leaving our "first date" weekend a few weeks later, we made a game plan of how the rest of our lives would look, starting with marriage. It was a common topic of conversation for us, probably because we were long distance & discussing marriage meant discussing the mutual hope that we would be living in the same city one day.

I had a lot of friends go through pre-marital counseling, so I knew the gist of what was covered. As engagement got closer, our conversations got more specific. Instead of dreaming about what marriage would look like, we'd cover the heavy topics like finances, children, roles & responsibilities, and yes, intimacy. 

No question or topic was ever off the table, and I think that's what gave us both such confidence of where we were headed. It seemed odd to know at such an early stage in the relationship that we'd one day be married, but neither of us ever wavered from that hope & expectation. 

We didn't begin formal marriage preparation until months after we were engaged, but as you can imagine, those conversations really paved the way for that. 

We started pre-marital counseling with our (amazing!) pastor a few months before we got married. We went through the book Preparing for Marriage, but we also kind of just went through life, too. PJ moved down to Santa Barbara 6 weeks before we got married, and even though we weren't living together, we sure shared a lot of space & time together. 

I think it was about then that we realized that as much as you can talk, and imagine, and dream, and prepare, there is always going to be things that pop up that you didn't expect. We grew a lot in those 6 weeks, and got a better glimpse of exactly what we were preparing for with marriage. We never walked into a pre-marital counseling session without some event from the prior week (or day!) to discuss.

I'm so grateful for those 6 weeks! They were entirely different from our long-distance dating experience, not to mention with the added stress of moving & planning a wedding. There were quite a few growing pains along the way, but that almost made it more fun & more real. Seeing how we processed conflict in this new season made me even more confident in our relationship, and upcoming marriage. And the topics we covered in the book were very helpful, too!

One thing I learned in the book that has related to our marriage is that there is a difference between truly communicating, and talking. Being long distance for so long had me suuuper confident in our communication. But I've found that living in the same town, and now living together, has communicating taking on a whole new form. It can be super easy to either a) talk at each other, or b) just sit & relax without talking at all. Communication, or at least authentic communication, can take some real intention!

All this to say, even with an abundance of preparation, there is still a lot of fumbling and learning our way through marriage. I relate it best to parenting. You can read all the parenting books in the world, but until you have your baby with you, waking you, needing you for every little thing, it's very hard to truly understand & fully prepare. You simply prepare the best you can, and learn as you go. 

As are we. 

I love that man with all of my heart. Last night, I went to bed still stunned at & praising God for the fact that I get to live life with him every day. There is absolutely no one else I'd rather be fumbling & learning my way through marriage alongside. ;)

Marriage Mondays - On Marrying Your Best Friend

Growing up, I think I romanticized the idea of the person you're dating also being your best friend. I would say it with nearly every person I seriously dated, that they were "my best friend." And I would genuinely believe it, too. 

Looking back, I think a more accurate statement would have been that they were the person I spent the most time with at that time, or my favorite person to be around. It wasn't until I began dating PJ that I first experienced the beautiful merge of friendship & romantic love. 

Perhaps it was the long distance between us that led us into deep friendship, or perhaps it was just how our relationship progressed, but either way I am forever grateful for this aspect of our relationship now that we are married. Because now, I can say without any hesitation that I married my best friend. 

Romance gives me butterflies when I walk in the room, and friendship has me going to him for advice. Romance has us slow dancing in the living room, and friendship has me laughing at all of our inside jokes. Romance has us holding hands while driving along the 101, and friendship makes him my all-time favorite travel companion. Romance is what sparked our connection at first sight, and friendship is what gave me a deep sense of security in our relationship. 

Even in just our 6 weeks of experience, I can already see the importance of being intentional with both romance, and friendship. I see how easy it is to slip into the day-to-day routine without leaving room for romance, and I also see how important it is to have a foundation of friendship to help during arguments or "off" days. 

I am so grateful to have gotten to marry the man who caught my eye from across the room, but I am equally, if not more grateful to marry the man who has faithfully pursued both my heart, and my friendship. 

***

I am ending today's post on a question, because I'd love to hear it! What are some ways that you intentionally pursue both romance and friendship in relationship? A girl could always use some new ideas, right?

Get to Know PJ & A (1/2)

Hey friends! The last couple weeks have flown by, and lots of life happenings have gone down with them. As I'm sure the majority of you know through social media, I am now officially Mrs. Cosentino! (Actually, not legally officially, thanks to the good ol' name changing process. But a pastor pronounced us man & wife, so that works, right?)

Seeing as PJ is now my huuuusband (boy that has a nice ring to it), I thought it was time for you guys to officially meet him! As in, through the internet. Because that's how all of us bloggers do things, right? 

So, I give you part 1 of the 2 part "Get to Know PJ & A" vlog series. It's divided into 2 parts because this was our very first vlog, and we are clearly both talkers. My far-too-serious face in this video can be accredited to my brain thinking "this video is going to be wayy too long", as displayed by my abrupt ending of this first part. 

But don't you worry, I'm much more cheery faced in the next video, when I decided to heck with the timing. Maybe we'll be the only ones who listen to 10 minutes of Q&A with PJ&A, but if you happen to join us, I do hope you enjoy!

Our Engagement Photos (1/2)

Exactly 2 weeks from today, I will officially be Mrs. Philip James Cosentino. Ah!

In the last 2 days, we've picked up our marriage license, finalized our reception timeline with our DJ, and I picked up my wedding dress. As I looked at that dress in the mirror at my final pick up, I was equal parts relieved that it still fit ;), and amazed that the next time I put it on, I will be getting married. 

I thought it felt real this whole time, but truth be told, it's just starting to register that I'm getting hitched! And not just getting hitched, but pledging to spend my life with the best man I know. Swoon. 

I shared about our engagement party last week, and left off by saying that we closed out the weekend with our engagement photo shoot. It was so much fun, and I am so grateful for our amazing and talented photographer, Becky. Excited to share her work with you! I have so many favorites, that I'm going to break them into 2 posts. 

Becky, thank you for making us feel so natural in front of your camera! These pictures are so special to me, and I'm excited to share more with you all later this week! 

Our Engagement Party!

Seeing as how we officially have only 2 and a half weeks remaining of our engagement (say whaaat?!), I figured it was about time to start documenting it. ;) Our engagement will be just under 5 months, and one of the most common questions I get is, "has it been stressful?" 

My answer is no more than your average engagement! I can whole-heartedly say that 5 months gave us plenty of time to plan this wedding. It was the perfect amount of time where we never felt rushed, and yet it never felt too far away. I always felt like it was close enough that I didn't have to wish the days away, because I knew it would be here before I knew it!

I think the only thing that can be difficult about shorter engagements is booking vendors, and I will say that we lucked out with tons of availability (& deals!) given that March 5th is a few weeks shy of busy season. That being said, I know people who have done 6 month engagements with a June wedding. It's doable, peeps! If you're newly engaged & wanting a shorter engagement, go for it! ;) 

Anywhooo, onto the topic of today's post: our engagement party!

Being long-distance for 3 and a half of our 5 month engagement, and having my family multiple hours away, it made for some suuuper wedding-filled weekends. The first was the weekend of November 7th. It kicked off with one of the wedding activities I was most looking forward to; dress shopping!

I was never the girl to imagine her wedding dress. I've been day dreaming about my groom since I was a little girl, and I had my bridesmaid dress picked out since I was first a bridesmaid myself, ha! But when it came to my wedding dress, I couldn't let myself look until I knew it was the real deal. 

So you bet that the Monday after we got engaged, I was browsing David's Bridal and screen-shotting my favorites. ;) I wanted to wait until I could go with my mom, so I spent the month between our proposal & our engagement party narrowing down my favorite dresses and styles via their online gallery. 

I had one immediate favorite, and a second that was an entirely different style, but I fell in love with the more I saw the picture. Things typically look different in real life, but even after trying on multiple dresses, my two favorites from online were my two favorites on me. 

Luckily, there was an undeniable, unanimous winner. And therefore, it was an easy task to say yes to the dress!! :) I can't wait to show pictures after the big day!

After dress shopping, it was time to get ready for our engagement party. Truth be told, I debated if an engagement party was necessary. We likely wouldn't have had one if our sweet friend hadn't of texted me offering to host (thank you, Natalie!!). 

I am so glad we did! Our proposal was wonderful, but engaged life did come with its own unique stresses & challenges. I wouldn't have had it any other way, but there's no denying that we had our fair share of sobering moments in that first month of engagement. I believe the proper term is called, adulting? The engagement party was a moment to push pause on adulting, and simply celebrate. We were surrounded by countless friends & family, and we felt tremendously loved. 

Our friends Natalie & Levi were so hospitable to use their home to celebrate our engagement, and we both drove away feeling overwhelmingly blessed. Our friends commented on how sweet it was that even extended family came for the occasion, and our family was raving about how wonderful all of our friends were. We felt incredibly lucky to have such amazing people in our lives. 

We closed out our wedding-fest-of-a-weekend by meeting up with our fabulous wedding photographer (& friend!) for an engagement shoot. I'll save those pictures for next time, because they deserve a post of their own!

Happy humpday, friends! Thanks for celebrating this exciting season in our lives alongside us. Feel free to leave a comment with any exciting news from your life, because I'd love to celebrate alongside you, too!