Life Update - Part 1

I've got 2 big ol' posts coming for you this week, and I'm hoping that I have the quality time to sit down and pour out the words that they both deserve. Fortunately, I have that tonight. So I'm going to plop myself on the floor, lean my back against my bed, and say a prayer. Because my words are nothing without prayer first. 

***

I scoured google to find this image prior to writing this post. I couldn't remember the exact quote, but I knew it was perfect. I knew the words were perfect, and I know that they're true. If you take anything away from this post, take that message away. Not all love stories get to have the "happily ever after" ending, but they can all have love in there. They can all have beauty, and growth, and lessons. If you let them. 

Chris and I aren't seeing each other anymore. If you're super confused about all of this, you may have missed the post in which I announced his existence. Go ahead and read it now, if you want to. It's a beautiful post, and not a single part of me regrets writing it. I'm happy to share this with all of you, I really am. 

We dated for 2 months, and those 8 weeks taught me and changed me more than all of my other relationships combined. For the first time in my life, I was privileged to date a man who truly, truly loves Jesus Christ. He has the love of Christ so deeply embedded in him, that he couldn't not show me Christ's love. Everything he did, whether it was opening my door for me, leaving a note on my doorstep, sending a text to ask how my day was going, or just a single glance in my direction, everything was filled with the love of God. I have never felt so loved in my entire life, and I have no doubt that God used this to show me what that feels like. 

So what happened, you ask? Well, I won't go too far into detail on here. Partially for privacy reasons (blog? privacy? huh?), and partially because there just isn't a simple answer. It just didn't feel right, and that's okay. I'll say it one more time: not every love story is meant to have the "happily ever after" ending. 

But you know what? Ours does. It does because Chris and I will live happily ever after. 

Just maybe not with each other. 

I'm sure you may be feeling tempted to leave an "I'm so sorry!!!" comment, but honestly, I don't think this calls for one. This is a situation where two people want nothing more than to live lives that glorify God, and with our 8 week long relationship, we did just that. We surrendered everything up to God from day 1, and trusted Him with every fiber of our hearts. We challenged each other to be more like Christ. We stumbled, tripped, made mistakes, learned from mistakes. And we sure as heck are walking away knowing ourselves a whole lot better than when we walked in. 

If there's one thing that I learned from this, it's that it is 100% impossible to mess up God's plan. I spent so much time asking for a clear cut, neon flashing light sign to show me what to do. 

But guess what, I didn't find one. What I found instead was the freedom to listen to my heart, and make the decision that felt right. What I found instead was God's promise to bless Chris and me, no matter what we chose. 

We could have stuck it out. There really wasn't any dramatic reason for us ending; we could have continued and God absolutely would have blessed us in our relationship. But instead, we chose to believe that maybe, just maybe, God has other people in store for us. 

And so, the story of Chris and Amy turns out to be a short story versus an epic novel. But it's one that leaves me knowing more about what I'm looking for in a relationship, more about myself, and more about God and His love for me. 

And that, my friends, is a very successful relationship in my book. 

Daughter of Christ

Morning, ya'll! Hope you had a fantastic weekend :)

I've got lots of life updates coming for ya this week. But considering I got home at around 11PM last night from a packed weekend down in San Diego, I think I'll save the writing for later in the week. 

For this morning, I'm diggin' through my guest posts that have yet to be on Sweet Home SB. This particular post was published on Overcome the Lie, and I personally think I could use another read today. 

I hope you enjoy it!

***

You are a daughter of Christ.

I'm sure for most of you, this is not new news. Perhaps you've heard this many times. You've written it down as you've listened to sermons explaining how you were bought with a price by the Savior of the universe. 

You've heard the worship songs, you know the lyrics. You know that He loves you because you've read the scriptures that you know to be true. 

But if you're anything like me, it may be easy to desensitize yourself to the weight of these words. It may be easy to forget exactly what it means to be a daughter of Christ. 

We know that we are set apart. But how are we set apart? 

What makes us so different from this world that we live in?

***

Romans 7 is Paul's very detailed account of his battle with sin. If you have ever been astounded by your own behavior, been shocked to find yourself struggling with sin that you thought you left behind, then you have probably taken great comfort in this chapter. 

You have probably found a sense of relief in knowing that even the great apostle Paul struggled the very same struggle that you face. 

I know I have. 

So, if we, as Christians, struggle with sin, then how are we set apart from the world that is filled with it?

You are a daughter of Christ.

That means that you don't have to fight this fight alone. That means that it is not you who is expected to overcome the sinful nature that you feel deep within you. 

That means that you don't have to stand on your own two feet as you face the brokenness of this world before you. 

Because you are a daughter of Christ, it is Christ within you who fights this battle. 

It is Christ within you who births the righteousness that you crave, the holiness that you desire with all of your heart. 

On the outside, we don't appear to be different from this world. Because we're not. We're not expected to be. 

But Christ is different from this world. He cannot deny Himself, and everything about Him is opposite of what we know. 

So, when we embrace our identities as daughters of Christ, we embrace that His Spirit is inside of us. And His Spirit takes that inner battle that Paul describes in Romans 7, and says no more. 

His Spirit says this one is mine! She is holy and righteous because she is my daughter. And she is set apart not by her own actions, but by mine. 

His Spirit sets us free. 

You are a daughter of Christ. 

And you are set free because of it. You are set apart from this world, 

set apart to shine bright for the One within you.

Who I Am

I like to share my heart here, in case you couldn't tell :)

I like to share my struggles, my moments of weakness. I may not always be specific (thank you, discernment), but I do feel called to be open here. I feel called to share how I'm feeling, even if it's not rainbows and sunshine. 

Because of that, I can show a lot of my brokenness here. The more I get to know Christ, the more I realize how much I need Him. The more I realize how much the world needs Him. 

The more I get to know Christ, the more I realize why He was sent as a Savior. Because we are broken people who are in need of a perfect God. 

And thank goodness we have that!

If there's one thing I've learned recently, it's that God knows exactly what we need. And sometimes, that means protecting us from ourselves. Sometimes, that means saving us from the mistakes we are prone to make because of our sinful nature. 

But our God sees a whole lot more than we do, He sees the ending of the story that our vision just can't reach. And sometimes, He loves us so much, that He lets us make mistakes. Sometimes, He lets us stumble. Because He knows that when we pick ourselves back up, we will be changed. 

I recently had a moment like that. A pretty big one, actually. 

I was sharing my heart and processing with a very wise man. I was experiencing the waves of guilt, shame, regret. I was feeling every lie telling me that I am identified by my mistakes. 

And then this man asked me one question. One question that I will not soon forget. 

Who are you in Christ, Amy? 

And through tears in my eyes, I started listing the words. The words that are so much more than just words, they make up who I am. 

And they make up who you are, too. 

So while there is beauty in opening up and sharing my brokenness on this blog, I also want to stick to the truth here. 

I am not defined by my brokenness. I am made new, I have a new identity. 

And nothing that I do can ever take that away from me. 

Have a blessed Thursday, friends!

What Weekends Are Made For

Coffee dates with a friend of a friend that turns into just a friend. 

Walks by the beach & long, much needed catch up time. 

Girls night out. 

Lunch dates.

Bachelorette parties.

Beach.

That's what weekends are made for.

Feeling oh-so-blessed after this extra long weekend. Hope you had yourself a great one :)

Happy 5th of July!

Hope you had a blast yesterday celebrating our amazing country. 

We sure did!

And for your Friday, I give you a behind the scenes look at capturing the jumping look. 

First, I downloaded a self timer ap. Couldn't find one that allowed for multiple pictures, so you bet I was running back and forth to my phone between each and every shot. 

Commitment, folks. Commitment. 

Next, the most important part of a jumping shot. Figuring out when to dip down. Around this point in the process, you will probably end up with a picture like this:

And once you finally get the timing right, you will probably need to practice posing in the air a few times. Expect a few of these:

More then likely, you'll end up with a few where one of you never heard the beeping on the phone, and therefore, it looks like the one who did is leaping into (or attacking) the other:

But give it time, and eventually, you'll end up with one that's golden. 

Apparently, I like jumping on the 4th of July.

Happy 5th of July! From us, to you. 

Simon, or Peter?

I can remember the weeks following that beautiful day that I first truly gave my heart to Jesus Christ. I remember wondering if it would fade, this new love for my Savior that I had found. 

I wondered when I would start wanting to listen to the "regular" radio stations again, instead of the worship ones that I was now drawn to. I wondered how long I would actually make it through this "read the bible in a year" reading schedule. My relationship with Jesus had been an on-again/off-again relationship my entire life, so there was a part of me that thought this might be the same. There was a part of me that wondered when the "off again" part would come. 

Only, it never did. 

And for that, I am eternally grateful that my Savior decided to change my life on that 

January 1st, 2012. 

So since everything about my life looked different now, I figured I would always be different, as well. I figured I wouldn't make the same mistakes, I wouldn't feel tempted by my old sinful ways, and even if I did, I figured I would know better than to choose sin over the beauty of Jesus Christ. 

And for some time, that was the case. For some time, I truly felt completely free of all of my previous struggles and temptations. 

Until a time came, where I was tempted. And then, a time came where I did choose that old sinful nature over the beauty of Jesus Christ. 

And I would feel disgusted with myself, wondering how I could possibly fall back into old habits when I know better now. So I would cry & wallow in my own guilt until I found the beautiful grace of Jesus again. Until I picked myself up and walked "long enough" on the "right path" to feel worthy of God's love again. 

Except every so often, I would find myself in the same predicament all over again. Every so often, I would find myself making the wrong choice again. I would look in the mirror and find my old self, again. 

I would get so discouraged, and feel so disappointed in myself. 

Well, I recently came across a verse in Luke 22 that leads me to believe Jesus has a different approach to these "relapses" of mine. 

I read this verse, and was thrown off by Jesus calling Peter by his old name, Simon. I hadn't read that name in quite some time, considering Jesus had given the man an entirely new name to go along with his new identity as a disciple of Christ. 

It hit me that even this man who knew Jesus, walked along side Him, discipled from Him, 

even he fell back on his old habits. Even he willingly denied Jesus Christ. 

And how did Chris react to this? He maintained His faith in Peter. He knew that His disciple would eventually repent and return to Him, and He encouraged him that when that day should come, he should strengthen his brothers. 

Because no matter how many times Simon denied Jesus, he was still Peter in Christ's eyes. He was still a disciple of God, who could always be used in spite of his brokenness, in spite of his rebellion. 

And so, when I find myself looking in the mirror at the Amy that I thought was no more, I will remember that Christ prays for me. He prays for my faith, that it should not fail. 

And that only repentance stands between Simon and Peter.