Simon, or Peter?

I can remember the weeks following that beautiful day that I first truly gave my heart to Jesus Christ. I remember wondering if it would fade, this new love for my Savior that I had found. 

I wondered when I would start wanting to listen to the "regular" radio stations again, instead of the worship ones that I was now drawn to. I wondered how long I would actually make it through this "read the bible in a year" reading schedule. My relationship with Jesus had been an on-again/off-again relationship my entire life, so there was a part of me that thought this might be the same. There was a part of me that wondered when the "off again" part would come. 

Only, it never did. 

And for that, I am eternally grateful that my Savior decided to change my life on that 

January 1st, 2012. 

So since everything about my life looked different now, I figured I would always be different, as well. I figured I wouldn't make the same mistakes, I wouldn't feel tempted by my old sinful ways, and even if I did, I figured I would know better than to choose sin over the beauty of Jesus Christ. 

And for some time, that was the case. For some time, I truly felt completely free of all of my previous struggles and temptations. 

Until a time came, where I was tempted. And then, a time came where I did choose that old sinful nature over the beauty of Jesus Christ. 

And I would feel disgusted with myself, wondering how I could possibly fall back into old habits when I know better now. So I would cry & wallow in my own guilt until I found the beautiful grace of Jesus again. Until I picked myself up and walked "long enough" on the "right path" to feel worthy of God's love again. 

Except every so often, I would find myself in the same predicament all over again. Every so often, I would find myself making the wrong choice again. I would look in the mirror and find my old self, again. 

I would get so discouraged, and feel so disappointed in myself. 

Well, I recently came across a verse in Luke 22 that leads me to believe Jesus has a different approach to these "relapses" of mine. 

I read this verse, and was thrown off by Jesus calling Peter by his old name, Simon. I hadn't read that name in quite some time, considering Jesus had given the man an entirely new name to go along with his new identity as a disciple of Christ. 

It hit me that even this man who knew Jesus, walked along side Him, discipled from Him, 

even he fell back on his old habits. Even he willingly denied Jesus Christ. 

And how did Chris react to this? He maintained His faith in Peter. He knew that His disciple would eventually repent and return to Him, and He encouraged him that when that day should come, he should strengthen his brothers. 

Because no matter how many times Simon denied Jesus, he was still Peter in Christ's eyes. He was still a disciple of God, who could always be used in spite of his brokenness, in spite of his rebellion. 

And so, when I find myself looking in the mirror at the Amy that I thought was no more, I will remember that Christ prays for me. He prays for my faith, that it should not fail. 

And that only repentance stands between Simon and Peter. 

Some truth for your Monday

Happy Monday, friends!

Maybe you're like me, and maybe your Monday didn't start out quite so "happy." Maybe you woke up and just thought "you know what, I'd rather not today."

I couldn't even tell you why. All I know is I woke up today and my heart hurt. It hurt real bad. And I don't think I even realized it until the song "You are wanted" by Dara Maclean came on and the tears started streaming. 

Do you ever beat yourself up when you're feeling sad? Tell yourself you're over reacting because you have countless blessings to be happy about, and so and so has far more tragic things going on? 

I feel that all. the. time. Feel like I'm being too emotional, too sensitive, too ________ (fill in the blank with your adjective of choice). 

But I realized this morning that those are all so far from the truth. I have a Father in heaven who understands why each and every tear falls from my eyes, even when I don't. I have a Father in heaven who understands what causes those heavy-hearted mornings, even when I don't. 

I have a Father in heaven who created emotions to be felt. And boy, do I feel them. 

But I love that about myself. I love that I feel pain. I feel disappointment and heart ache, and I run straight to my Father's arms with them. 

Because you know what comes along with feeling pain? Feeling joy. God's joy. 

And feeling love. God's love. 

And that kind of joy and love? It can't be found in this world. It can only be found through the Holy Spirit bringing the beauty of another world straight into our hearts. 

God directed me to Jeremiah 14:19-22 this morning. I often get verses in my head and they rarely ever apply to what I'm going through. But this morning? God nailed it. 

The section title? "A Pray for Healing"

It was God's way of telling me that I may not understand where this morning's heart ache came from. But He sure does. And you bet He's going to heal every ounce of that pain. 

So I will wait for You to help me, God. By golly, yes I will.

Verse For Thought

Romans has always been my favorite book of the bible. Something about it being the first book that I read beginning to end as a new believer, and the nearly completely highlighted orange pages, just makes me fall in love with Christ all over again every time I read it. 

What can I say? There's a lot of gold in there. 

Or, I guess now there's just a lot of orange. 

Ha, I know. I'm hilarious. 

Anywho, when we had to decide what we wanted to study in our bible study, I immediately suggested the idea of Romans. We've been going through it every week, and I have so enjoyed getting a new perspective on all of the words and ideas that inspired me to commit my life to Christ in the first place. 

A verse that truly spoke to me this week is Romans 7:6,

But now we have been released from the law, 

for we died with Christ, and we are no longer captive to its power. 

Now we can really serve God, 

not in the old way by obeying the letter of the law,

but in the new way, by the Spirit. 

I think Christians have a rep for living a life of rules. And from an outsider's perspective, I can totally see that. I mean, they're called the 10 commandments for a reason, right? They're commanding us to live our life a certain way. 

But the thing is, that's not quite how it works. We are not saved by following rules, or living according to any particular laws. The truth is, living a life perfectly following the commandments is impossible. 

We are saved by our loving savior, Jesus Christ. We are saved because he loved us so much that he came and died for us, to release us from the law that kept us from our Father. 

I don't think anyone wakes up one morning and thinks, I want to live in a way that seems ridiculous to the rest of the world. 

At least I certainly didn't. I was right there living in the world, and not thinking anything of it. 

Until I invited the Spirit into my life. And that's when things changed. That's when I wanted to live my life according to these rules. 

Today, I am thankful for a Father that does not hold us to an impossible standard. I am thankful for a loving Father who recognizes how deeply flawed we are as humans. And in spite of ourselves, works within us to make us the best versions of ourselves. 

Hallelujah!

Verse for Thought

I want to start a new segment on the blog called Verse for Thought. I want to do this for a few reasons. One is that I would love to hear what verses are speaking to you in your life. 

I'll be honest with you, I have not always been devoted to my faith. I'm sure I'll share my testimony at some point on the blog, but for now I'll just say that 2012 has been a truly pivotal year for me. 

I've experienced the life changing love of Jesus in a way that I had never experienced it before. I've fallen in love with this book called the Bible, and I wouldn't be accurately depicting my life on this little lifestyle blog here if I didn't include what I'm learning. 

I feel a difference when I go even just a day without reading the Word. It truly transforms my days, I need it. So to help hold me accountable, and to help me share the verses that speak to me in my life, I'm starting Verse for Thought. I would just love it if you chimed in with some ways God is impacting your life, too. 

Today's verse is one that I read a few weeks ago, and I've been meaning to do a post on it ever since. It truly spoke to me, and I can't seem to get it out of my mind. 

For God in all his fullness was pleased to live in Christ, 

and by Him God reconciled everything to himself. 

He made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of His blood on the cross. 

This includes you who were once so far away from God. 

You were His enemies, separated from Him by your evil thoughts and actions,

yet now He has brought you back as His friends. 

He has done this through His death on the cross in His human body.

As a result, He has brought you into the very presence of God, and 

you are holy and blameless as you stand before Him without a single fault.

But you must continue to believe this truth and stand in it firmly. 

Don't drift away from the assurance you received when you heard the Good News. 

Colossians 1:19-23

When I read this, it was seriously a woah hold up moment. 

God sees me as holy. 

He sees me as blameless. 

Without a single fault. 

And my one job is to believe it. And to stand firmly in it. Own it. 

How easily I forget that. Forget that Christ died so that I could reap these benefits. So that my sin is no longer counted against me, and I am free to be seen as pure again. 

How easily I forget to stand grounded in that truth. 

So today, I want to tell you that you are holy. 

You are blameless. 

Without a single fault. 

When is the last time someone told you that you were flawless? Because in God's eyes, 

you are.