6 Months

Today is my half birthday. And to be honest, it's not something that I usually give much thought to. It comes and it goes, and with it, there may be a brief "dang, half way through the year" moment. 

This year, things are a bit different. This year, the day doesn't only mark the fact that I am half way through my 24th year. This year, it also marks that I am 6 months into sobriety. And that is something I want to celebrate.

I haven't written much about it since the 60 day mark, but today, I want to jot down some thoughts. I haven't shared much in the last 4 months because to be honest, it doesn't feel like a big deal. It's like one day I drank, and the next day I didn't anymore. I haven't once questioned my decision, or felt tempted to have a drink.

It doesn't feel like a big deal, but the fact is, it is. It is a big deal. I wasn't exactly a casual drinker; alcohol was very much a part of my life. And now, it's not. And I have a man named Jesus Christ to thank for that. 

Six months ago, as I celebrated my 24th birthday at a worship concert, I tangibly experienced the freedom of the gospel in a way I never had before. You may be thinking "wow, what a goody-two-shoes Christian, celebrating her birthday at a worship concert." And to that, I would beg to differ. 

I needed that worship concert. I needed those lyrics blasting in my ears telling me that God's grace covers me. I needed to hear that I am redeemed, restored, and that nothing, nothing can separate me from His love. I needed it because I was dealing with so much shame from poor decisions made the evening before. 

The feeling of guilt over decisions made while intoxicated was not unfamiliar to me. As a matter of fact, it was quite the opposite. I knew it so well, the tossing and turning of an anxious stomach, the nervous thoughts of who could possibly be mad at me, the heavy weight of shame. 

I sat there wondering if I was ever going to beat this, this battle with alcohol. I wondered if this was going to plague me all of my life. I had tried and tried to be a "responsible drinker," and it just wasn't feeling possible. And right as the anxious thoughts were building, a voice broke through them. 

"You are free to abstain."

And boom. I was. 

For the first time in my life, I felt the freedom that I have in the Lord. I felt it wash over me, rid me of all of my guilt and shame. I saw the gift right in front of me, and consciously realized that all I had to do was grab it. 

Grab it, I did. And nothing has been the same since. The girl who had tried and failed to give up alcohol many times before, even cried over the fear of how it would affect friendships, suddenly was overwhelmed with peace. The peace that only comes from the Lord. 

I gradually broke the news to friend after friend, and was so incredibly blessed by the support of each one. Some had seen this battle first hand, and others may not have fully understood the decision, but all were supportive. All were loving. All were proud. 

I learned so much about myself in those first few months. I saw how much of my security was wrapped up in alcohol. I had to bring that straight to the Lord, who helped me face all of those fears of being inferior without a glass in my hand. 

I learned so much about my friends. I can't tell you how much it blessed me when someone specifically brought a non-alcoholic drink just for me. Or how much it blessed me to receive invites to things like a wine club party, or to be asked to help pour drinks at a festival.

I was so humbled by the love and support of others. I once was afraid that giving up alcohol would cause me to lose friendships, and I can happily say that it has only strengthened them. 

From the outside, my life doesn't look very different now. I go to all of the same events, and even hold the same glasses in my hand. The only differences may be that I make a whole lot less ugly faces while sipping beverages, and DD more than I used to. 

But on the inside? There's a big difference. And I have no way to describe that other than to say I feel free. And it feels good. 

For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 

// 2 Corinthians 3:17 //

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. 

// John 8:36 //

In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free. 

// Psalm 118:5 //

2013 Bucket List - Recap

I feel like just yesterday, I was sitting in this exact same bed in my parents' house writing this bucket list. I can't believe how fast this year came and went. It certainly was a good one. 

You can expect a lot of sentimental-ish posts in the next few weeks. Recapping the bucket list, 2013 year in review, my 2014 letter to myself, a 2014 bucket list, and who knows what else will come out of my sleeve. The truth is, I live for the sentimental stuff. It's kind of my favorite, getting all sappy, taking those sweet walks down memory lane. Because with those walks down memory lane, you can't help but venture into a dream of what 2014 will look like. 

And 2014, I've got a good feeling about you. 

But let's not get ahead of ourselves now. 

***

2013 bucket list:

 

1. Run at least 3 races (any distance 5K or more)

-10K Coronado Valentine's Day Race: Feb 17th / DONE! 54 min, 8:30 mile pace

-5K Los Angeles Run or Dye: March 9th / DONE!

-15K San Diego Hot Chocolate Race: March 24th / DONE! 1hr 26min, 9:14 pace

-Santa Barbara Wine Country Half Marathon: May 11th / DONE! 2hr 3min, 9:18 pace

-5K Nite Moves: May 15th / DONE!

-5K Nite Moves: July 10th / DONE!

-5K Bubble Run: September 7th / DONE!

-10K She.Is.Beautiful Run: September 22nd / DONE!

-City to Sea Half Marathon: October 13th / DONE! 2hr 7min, 9:41 pace

***

I think it's safe to say that this one was most definitely a success. I've never run so much in my entire life, and boom. It just kind of happened. 

I love that each race was a huge spiritual experience for me. Running that first 10K for sweet Daisy Love who had just passed away was incredibly moving. And each race that was farther felt like a challenge that I wasn't sure my legs could handle. I felt myself relying on the Lord to get through the last leg of each race, and I loved that feeling. 

***

2. Read 30 books

1. Life of Pi by Yann Martel

2. Strength in Weakness by Andrew Comiskey

3. The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

4. A Confident Heart by Renee Swope

5. The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton

6. The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

7. Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic 

8. The Insatiable Quest for Beauty by Tiffany Dawn

9. Pure by Rebecca St. James

10. Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

In progress:

1. Bittersweet by Shauna Niequist

2. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller

3. Sex Is Not The Problem, Lust Is by Joshua Harris

***

This one was not as much of a success. I have to be honest, and say that reading just didn't take priority this year. And that's okay. Bible studies took priority, small groups took priority, blogging took priority, working out took priority, and let's keep it real: catching up on my favorite tv shows took priority.

I've always been more of a one-book-at-a-time kinda girl, and this year, that totally changed. I think it came from reading different books with different people, and having my own going at the same time, but all of a sudden I'm finding myself with three books sitting by my bed. 

Things seem to be changing in the last few weeks, and I can feel reading slipping back up on the priority scale. I'm looking forward to getting plenty of good reads in in 2014. 

***

3. Get passport

Done, done and done. 

***

4. Travel outside of the country (preferably missions related)

So this wasn't crossed off, but it will a mere 8 days into the new year. Totally counts, right? 

{Africa, here I come}

***

5. Cross off at least 2 states

Indianapolis, Indiana: Influence Conference!

Chicago, Illinois: Trip with Annie!

Loved both of these states! Probably because of the amazing company that was had in both. I have to say that I liked Indianapolis better than Chicago, but I would love to visit both again some day. 

***

6. Meet a blogger friend IRL

May: Met Julie from An Anchor for the Soul (recap here)

September: Met sooo many blog friends at Influence Conference (recap here)

This one was also definitely a success. So thankful for these blogging friends!

***

7. One spontaneous trip

January: Tahoe!

I would love to do more spontaneous trips in the future. Feeling the urge to go somewhere on a whim? You know who to call. 

 

***

8. One random act of kindness per month


I'm so glad this was on my list this year. Every month was different, and it helped me see how many different ways you can perform a random act of kindness. Some were a big deal, it seriously felt like I was hearing the big Man upstairs pointing with a giant red arrow: "HERE IS YOUR RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS."


Other months? Not such a big deal. I would get to the end of the month and think "dang, did I forget?" Only to think back on the time I offered to pay for a friend's coffee or lunch. Boom, random act of kindness. 


Maybe it's giving a candy bar to a homeless man outside of a grocery store, maybe it's anonymously blessing a friend with something you know she wouldn't buy herself. Maybe it's giving someone a $5, $10, $25 dollar giftcard. 


It doesn't have to be big, all random acts of kindness make a difference.

***

9. End the year with zero balance on credit card

Revision: Maintain zero balance on credit card

My credit card has a zero balance on it right now. Boom. 
 
***

10. Double my savings

Revision: Rebuild my savings

Aaaand here's the whammy. This goal was so not accomplished.

I guess one financial goal out of two isn't too shabby, right? 

{Savings, I'm coming for you in 2014. Don't you worry}
 
***

11. Cut and donate my hair

Honestly, as scared as I was to have short hair, I loved it! It's crazy how long it's gotten since I cut it in January. I definitely will be donating again {tempted to add the word soon here}.

***

12. Take Milissa on a sister weekend getaway

Palm Springs (recap here)

This will definitely be a yearly tradition. 





***

13. Get a blog makeover!


This was done earlier in the year, and I loved the result! This girl is so great to work with, and considering I'll probably need a new design next year (and I have yet to teach myself), she can probablyyy be expecting an e-mail shortly. :)

***

Overall, I would say this was a very successful year. I loved having a Bucket List to track to, even if I wasn't always spot on track to accomplishing my goals. I'm looking forward to getting some goals together for 2014!

What are some of your goals for the new year?

Scenes from Christmas

Happy December 26th! It must be hard being that day, such a touch act to follow. 

I hope you had a lovely Christmas! Ours certainly was. I have the pictures to prove it. 

We spent Christmas Eve evening with Grace Point Church. They did such a wonderful job of putting together a powerful & memorable service. We've spent Christmas Eve at this church quite a few times, and each year, it gets better and better! One of my favorite parts this year was the worship. Worship is always what gets me, and I loved the addition of a worship painter. The first time I saw worship art was at Influence Conference, and I was excited to have that again. 

The message was beautiful, inspiring, and packed with some serious truth. It was all about the confident hope that we find in Jesus, and it definitely blessed me. The service was ended with a candlelight portion, and this always gets me in the Christmas spirit. 

Our Christmas morning always starts suuuper early. I'm talking 6AM early. Mike & I outgrew that riiight about when Milissa was old enough to catch on to the excitement, so early rising remains a part of the tradition. 

This year, Santa thought Mil was extra good, and decided to bring her something that was a biiit too big to fit under the tree. 

All that jumping worked up quite the appetite, which was great considering we feasted on Thanksgiving part 2. 

 

Mom earned herself some serious bragging rights for this one. 

We may not have had ourselves a white Christmas, but I don't think any of us were too disappointed.  

Our traditions may be simple (getting up at the crack of dawn, staying in pajamas for 99% of the day, watching the sunset at the beach), but I love them.

For fun, you can check out this post from 2 years ago to see how much Christmas 2011 resembles Christmas 2013.

I hope you have yourself a fan-freaking-tastic December 26th. 

 

What Sundays Were Made For

Sundays are my favorite days. 

Over the years, they've looked different. Growing up, it was a day to mourn the incoming school week. At 16 years old, they were a 9-5 work day. As a college freshman, I learned what the term "Sunday Funday" refers to. And once I was introduced to fantasy football, Sundays were dedicated to spending nearly 12 hours straight glued to a couch. 

Now, every Sunday is unique. Some are packed to the brim, running from one thing to another. Others are nearly empty, set aside for time to just be. But there's one thing that every Sunday has in common, and that's church. 

I wrote about it here, but if you're short on time, I'll sum it up for you. I don't view church as something that I have to do. I don't view church as something that affects my salvation, or as something that can determine if I am a "good Christian" or a "bad Christian." {No such thing}

I view church as something that I am blessed to be a part of. As a matter of fact, "church" has changed a lot for me recently. Not only do I serve in different ways than I did when I wrote that post just over 3 months ago, but I go to a different church all together. {That's for another blog post}. 

You know what though? We're all the same, really. We're all part of the same giant family, just broken into individual bodies that serve individual functions. I truly believe that God has purpose for each one of His churches, and He has a specific place for each of us, too. 

This blog post is turning into something entirely different than I intended it to be. So let's summarize, and get to the pictures, shall we? 

I really love church. 

Sundays are my favorite days. 

Here is what Sundays were made for: 

// Starting a new book, while cranking in some elliptical time //

// Middle School youth group. In the form of a Christmas movie party //

// Visiting with friends that you don't see often enough //

// Trying Sprinkles Cupcakes for the first time //

// Seeing some of the best Christmas decorations ever //

// Homemade pizza for dinner with a side of spectacular fellowship & conversation //

Not pictured. Because the pizza was devoured before the camera was taken out. 

I hope you had an equally wonderful Sunday! Today is my last day of work until 2014. Don't mind me as I happy-dance-in-my-cubicle my way through this Monday. 

The Insatiable Quest for Beauty

A few months ago, the lovely Tiffany Dawn sent me a copy of her book, The Insatiable Quest for Beauty. 

I only had to read two sentences on the back of this book to know I would love it. 

Sentence 1: Come have coffee with me! Anyone who knows me knows coffee dates are my jam. I'm not even a real coffee drinker (this will shock anyone who follows me on Instagram), but put me in a coffee shop with a super sugared out beverage and a good friend, and I'm in my zone. 

Sentence 2: Let's talk about an insatiable quest for beauty and the things that come with it - things like body image issues, low self esteem, unhealthy eating patterns, and looking to dating for our worth. Every single thing listed in that sentence, I have struggled with at some point or another. Some of those things I still struggle with. I knew right away that I would relate a whooole lot with Tiffany's story. 

And relate, I sure did. Tiffany beautifully shares her story through a series of "coffee dates." Oh how I wish they were in real life coffee dates! But I was certainly sitting in coffee shops for some of them. Sometimes it felt like I was reading my own story on those pages. 

I am tempted to say that every single girl who reads this will resonate with it. Maybe you will relate to Tiffany's painful break up. Or, maybe you will relate to her battle with disordered eating, which came from a desperate desire to feel thin. Maybe it will be that aching feeling of not being good enough, or pretty enough, that hits home for you. For me? It all did. 

You know what I hope you resonate with though? I hope you can relate to the process of restoration that Tiffany goes through. I hope you read about her experience of finding freedom in the Lord, and find yourself smiling and nodding along. I sure did. I couldn't help but look back on all of the restoring and redeeming that the Lord has done in my own life. 

Today, Tiffany and I want to give one lucky reader a copy of her book. I pray that it blesses you as much as it did me. 

Love you, beautiful people! I pray that you feel how loved you are today. 

{Giveaway open until Sunday night}

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What I Learned Fundraising

Today officially marks the end of fundraising. For those who don't know, as of Saturday afternoon, the funds exceeded my goal. 

I found this out just as I was sitting down for a lunch date with Jesus. I can't tell you what filled me first, complete shock or teensy tears of joy. I was simply logging in to give an update, and boom, just like that it was done. 

In 2 and a half days, $975 were raised. That's crazy, folks. That's Jesus. 

I have no doubts that my journey with this mission trip is just beginning {hello, haven't even left yet}, but I have to admit that fundraising has been one giant journey of its own. And so tonight, I sit down to reflect on allll that I learned in this season. 

***

First and foremost, I learned that I have been blessed with some fan-flippin-tastic people in my life {that's you}. Even towards the very end, God brought some new people into my life who were critical in giving me the encouragement needed to keep pushing on. 

I learned that it's okay to ask for help, and it's okay for people to say no. It usually didn't happen in those exact words, but having to raise support really showed me how afraid I can be of those things. 

I learned that fundraising will look different for each person, and that's okay. I would get in moments of having to fight guilt that didn't need to be there, guilt about not sending out support letters, or not putting together a blog giveaway, guilt about not trying hard enough. But the fact of the matter is, nothing of eternal value comes from us trying at all. It all comes from Him. 

Fundraising for me felt a lot like witnessing in general. Everybody witnesses for Jesus differently. I have found that the most effective and loving ways for me to witness are when Jesus naturally flows into conversation {which is quite often}, and when He naturally flows into my blog posts {which is also quite often}. It seems like the more comfortable I get sharing in those situations, the more they pop up. The authenticity comes across to my friends, family and blog readers, and that's exactly how fundraising was for me. I had to be authentic, and there were just some things that didn't feel authentic for me. And that's okay. 

I tangibly saw that all things are possible with God. There were honestly moments that I didn't think this would happen, a lot of them. And in every moment of doubt, there was the gentle, loving voice of God. "Just watch me girlfriend. Watch me raise every. single. penny." {Okay, maybe I added the "girlfriend"}

I am so, so, so thankful for this process. I am thankful for the ways that it stretched me, and the ways that it made me appreciate all of the support I received. The financial support, the prayers, the words of encouragement, the advice, the "how is your fundraising going?" questions, everything. 

For those who don't know how this thing started, I can 100% say that I would not be going on this trip if it weren't for blogging. This is true for obvious reasons, and not-so-obvious reasons. Blogging led me to my friendship with Diana, who I will be meeting for the first time in real life on our plane to Uganda {there will be squealing & hugging involved}. 

But the not-so-obvious truth is that I would not be where I am in my walk with the Lord today if it weren't for blogging. I have no doubts that God put Sweet Home Santa Barbara in my life 5 months before I really committed my life to Him for a reason. Having blogging led me to women who became like mentors to me {like this one}. I saw them living radically, on fire for Christ, and I wanted that. 

And so, I end this post with one giant thank you. To everyone, really. This little space of internet world has had such a profound impact on me, and I hope and pray that it impacts those who come & share it with me. 

I love you guys. A whole, whole lot.