A Letter

Dear May 30th, 2014 Amy, 

You probably should have left 15 minutes earlier for Colleen's rehearsal dinner. You're going to hit traffic, you're going to be late, and you're going to get yelled at as you pass through an intersection a tad bit too close to a pedestrian. 

You're going to feel awkward walking late into the chapel, with everyone else already lined up by the aisle. You shouldn't though, you didn't miss anything, and nobody cares. I promise. 

Plus, 3 and a half months later, you and your boyfriend will get stuck in LA traffic, and entirely miss the rehearsal for his best friend's wedding. So remember, it could be worse. And say a little prayer thanking God for gracious brides and grooms. 

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you get stuck on the word boyfriend? Yeah, I expected that to get your heart pumping a bit. You read it correctly, you have a boyfriend. That cute boy that you're going to spot across the hotel bar after the rehearsal dinner? The one that you're going to find out is a wedding crasher? You're going to fall in love with him. The next 24 hours are going to be the dreamiest of your life; enjoy it. And here you thought you were only here to celebrate someone else's love. ;)

You're going to wake up on June 1st wondering if everything that happened the night before was too good to be true. Don't worry, it wasn't. You're going to think you texted him first, but a few minutes later you're going to see a snapchat that was sitting in your inbox since before you sent that text. It's going to be a picture of the bench you and Mr. Wonderful spent the wee hours of the morning on exchanging life stories. It's going to have a red heart drawn around it, and from that very moment, you're going to know. It's not too good to be true; this is it. 

The next 5 months are going to be full of wonderful adventures that lead you deeper and deeper in love with this man. But I want to let you in on a little secret, God has a lot of other things going on too. 

You're going to apply for seminary school. Yupp, that thing you dream about in the far-off-distant-dream kind of way. One thing will lead to another, and you'll find yourself staring at a computer screen that describes the perfect program for you. You're going to apply, and you're going to get in. Congratulations!

You're going to have a few freak outs as things become real. You'll cry when you make your first payment, and when it hits your account. And when you do your first homework assignment. And when you write your first essay. 

But you don't cry when you do your first midterm, so boom. Progress.

You're going to find out that your job is changing at precisely the same time that you're starting seminary school. You're going to train for weeks before you make the switch, but you still won't feel prepared. The first two weeks will feel like you're in a foreign country, not understanding a word that is spoken to you. You'll almost cry a few times, and you'll feel yourself doubting your abilities. 

Don't. By week 3, you'll have your confidence back. I promise. 

Oh yeah, one minor thing. You're going to speak at church. On a Sunday. For two services. Sharing your testimony. 

I lied. It's not a minor thing, quite the opposite in fact. It's actually the coolest thing that has ever happened to you. Soak in it. Praise Him for it.

Shortly after, you're going to feel the pull to return to your home church. The timing won't really make sense at first, and you're going to get serious anxiety over "letting people down." A little spoiler alert: it's all going to make sense soon. And you're not letting anyone down. Your "pull" is very much from God, and He will bless you by each and every conversation you have explaining the decision to people. 

May 30th, 2014 Amy, get ready for the best 5 months of your life. As you can see from above, you should probably get yourself some tissues for those stress tears. Don't worry too much about them, though. They're all a part of God teaching you how to handle your stress, instead of letting your stress handle you. 

Get ready for a lot of your dreams to start coming true. Getting to share your testimony? Getting to speak on a Sunday? Getting to start legit studying the Bible? Dreams be coming true left and right, lady.

And get ready for the love story that you have been dreaming of since you were a little girl. It's even better, if you can believe it. 

And to think, we're only 5 months down the road. 

Love Always, 

November 6th, 2014 Amy

Freedom to Listen

Sobriety freed me. I had no idea how thick the chains were until they were gone, and it felt good. I finally was free to discover who little Miss Amy Reed really is, without the fear of my personality changing after one or two or six drinks. 

I remembered how much I loved sober Amy, how fun and confident she was. In high school, I knew alcohol wasn't my thing, but I didn't judge others for it being theirs. After 6 years of that girl being gone, Jesus brought her back in full force. I truly can't express how grateful I am for that; I missed her. 

I not only was free to discover myself, but I was also freed from a lot of distractions. It's hard to hear God when you're battling a vicious cycle of temptation - guilt - temptation - guilt. It gets exhausting, right? When God so graciously removed alcohol from my life, He removed a big wedge that was getting in the way of my ability to hear Him. 

When I look back over 24, I see so much evidence of hearing God with new ears. One month into the year, I decided to sign up for a trip to Africa. The girl who had never been out of the country was getting on a plane to go share the gospel in Uganda - say what? 

Oh, how I miss those faces. It was staring into them that I saw mission with new eyes. I didn't leave the mission field in Africa, I brought it home with me. Something happened over on that beautiful, green Uganda mountain top. This girl had her heart set on fire for Jesus in a whole new way. 

Somewhere in those first few months of 24, I felt the Lord calling me to switch churches. Logically, it didn't make sense. I had no reason to leave my current church; still to this day, I can rave and rave and rave about how much I love it. But something in me felt it, this unexplainable peace that made the decision pretty easy for me. 

In that transition, God did so much work in my heart. He humbled me, grew me, used me, molded me, challenged me, encouraged me, and loved on me. I've met so many people that I never would have met, and I can't praise Him enough for that. 

24 was a year of learning to hear God, learning to search for His voice and follow it, trust it. It led to so many wonderful things this: new friends, new adventures, new stories. And I know this is only just the beginning. 

A Very Merry Easter

This Easter was so, so good. I really couldn't have asked for a better, more full weekend. 

I spent Good Friday evening in the Santa Barbara High School theater, although I'm fairly certain I was actually up in heaven. That's certainly how it felt, anyway. The message was short, and sweet. A reading from the Bible depicting exactly what happened on that cross for us so long ago, and then the simple words were stated: "let it wreck you." 

Our lives are so busy, so full. The moments where we can simply sit and be wrecked by the love that is Jesus? I live for those moments. Those moments are the ones that change your life. 

I knelt on that prayer carpet, and I'll admit, I didn't feel much at first. Is it weird that I can honestly say I praise Him in those moments? Why? Because there was a time when I could only worship when I felt the emotional build up. And I'm thankful that now, I've come to find that worship, like love, is a choice. Sometimes there's emotion, but sometimes, there's not. Emotion doesn't have to correspond with worship, though. It isn't a requirement. 

But on this momentous occasion, I wanted to do exactly what was humbly suggested. I wanted to be wrecked by the cross. So I prayed, "Lord, let me be moved."

I stood up to get communion, and looked around the room. I saw one roommate standing, arms out stretched to the Lord. I saw another roommate kneeling before Him on the carpet up front. Beside her on one side, a dear friend's husband. On the other side, another close friend who I've had the privilege and blessing of watching transform before my very eyes in these last few months. Walking past me was a couple who I adore, the husband holding his sweet 2 month old baby girl who I practically beg to hold each opportunity that I can. 

Right when it was my turn to get communion, the tears came. The memories came. I remembered less than two and a half years ago, standing in this very church body and knowing two people. Two. I remembered the desperation I felt as I begged the Lord to help me really, truly surrender my life to Him. 

The gravity of what He's done in the past two and a half years hit me as I looked around at my surroundings, looked at this life He's crafted for me. He really did give me new life on that day. And as I took of the bread and the juice, I remembered that His life is what did it. 

Easter morning was spent in another local high school theater, this time Dos Pueblos. {sidenote: I think God may be doing something in our high schools.} 

I celebrated with the church family that I never would have met, had the Lord not opened my eyes to a path I couldn't have imagined for myself. I cried during the baptisms, praising Him for all He is doing in these California coast lands, and in this church. I nodded along side the powerful message about the importance of letting go of the things we hold onto instead of God. And I laughed and danced to this video that captures the joy in this church family. {Bonus points if you find me.}

And after a morning full of some serious Jesus, I enjoyed the rest of the gorgeous day with some spiffed up friends for an Easter brunch. 

There was some seriously amazing homemade food {yes, even that gorgeous fruit tart!}, and lots of fun lawn games to be enjoyed. 

I missed my family at home, but am so thankful for this home away from home that I've been blessed with. 

Hope your Easter was full of all good things, too!

What Sundays Were Made For

Sundays are my favorite days. 

Over the years, they've looked different. Growing up, it was a day to mourn the incoming school week. At 16 years old, they were a 9-5 work day. As a college freshman, I learned what the term "Sunday Funday" refers to. And once I was introduced to fantasy football, Sundays were dedicated to spending nearly 12 hours straight glued to a couch. 

Now, every Sunday is unique. Some are packed to the brim, running from one thing to another. Others are nearly empty, set aside for time to just be. But there's one thing that every Sunday has in common, and that's church. 

I wrote about it here, but if you're short on time, I'll sum it up for you. I don't view church as something that I have to do. I don't view church as something that affects my salvation, or as something that can determine if I am a "good Christian" or a "bad Christian." {No such thing}

I view church as something that I am blessed to be a part of. As a matter of fact, "church" has changed a lot for me recently. Not only do I serve in different ways than I did when I wrote that post just over 3 months ago, but I go to a different church all together. {That's for another blog post}. 

You know what though? We're all the same, really. We're all part of the same giant family, just broken into individual bodies that serve individual functions. I truly believe that God has purpose for each one of His churches, and He has a specific place for each of us, too. 

This blog post is turning into something entirely different than I intended it to be. So let's summarize, and get to the pictures, shall we? 

I really love church. 

Sundays are my favorite days. 

Here is what Sundays were made for: 

// Starting a new book, while cranking in some elliptical time //

// Middle School youth group. In the form of a Christmas movie party //

// Visiting with friends that you don't see often enough //

// Trying Sprinkles Cupcakes for the first time //

// Seeing some of the best Christmas decorations ever //

// Homemade pizza for dinner with a side of spectacular fellowship & conversation //

Not pictured. Because the pizza was devoured before the camera was taken out. 

I hope you had an equally wonderful Sunday! Today is my last day of work until 2014. Don't mind me as I happy-dance-in-my-cubicle my way through this Monday. 

Church

Today, I want to talk about church. This post has been brewing in my heart for a while, and it may be just the tip of the iceberg that is my passionate heart for this subject. I really have no idea where this will go, but for now, I take a deep breath, say a prayer, and write. 

***

Church. 

It's one single word, and yet it can carry so many different meanings. For me, it means family. It means a safe place to come and worship the Lord with an incredible body of believers consisting of people who have truly become my brothers and my sisters. It means a place to come and meet my Father, a place where I can always find His presence, His grace and His love. 

For some, it means the same. And I rejoice in that. But I also know that for some, that word carries pain. For some, that word brings up feelings of condemnation and shame. For some, the word "church" is associated with people full of judgement and hypocrisy. For some, the word simply means a weekly obligation. An item to check off the checklist, and little more. 

Today, I want to invite you to ponder what you feel when you think of the word "church." I want to tell you that your feelings are valid. Your feelings are valid because I don't doubt that they come from legitimate experience. I don't doubt that some churches are filled with judgement and hypocrisy. I don't doubt that some churches do treat the Sunday message as an item to check off the weekly checklist. And if you have been a part of those congregations, or if you have simply witnessed them from afar, then I understand your feelings on church.

The fact of the matter is, the church is made up of us. So what does that mean, exactly? It means that the church is going to be a representation of the people that make up the body. If the people in the body are filled with judgement and hypocrisy, then you, as a member will feel judgement and hypocrisy. If the people in the body simply view Sunday service as nothing more than an item on a checklist, then you, as a member, will perceive that. And if the people in the body are filled with the Holy Spirit, then you, as a member will absolutely feel that, too. 

But what's important to remember is that we are all sinners. Jesus loves the church. He died for the church (Ephesians 5: 25-26). But with our human free will, we are perfectly capable of taking something God created with such beauty, and turning it into something it's just not. 

You know what else though? With truly surrendering our lives to God, we are perfectly capable of taking the church and turning it into exactly what God created it to be. A place to come and worship the Lord, to hear from the Lord, and a place to love on and be loved by our brothers and sisters. 

You know when my life changed? It changed when I stopped looking at the leaders of my church as people who were far above me, and started realizing that they were people just like me. It changed when I realized that the holiness that I craved in their lives could be a part of my life, too. I saw that church wasn't just church for them, it was a family. And I desperately wanted that, so I began serving as a member, and lo' and behold, the body turned into a family for me, too.

Church is important. Yes, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is key. Yes, that is where your salvation comes from, and that is the most important thing on this earth. But a life without community is a lonely life, indeed. And God blessed us with church as a way for us to come together and endure in this marathon called life together. 

Friends, if you have had a negative experience with church, then I highly encourage you to try again. It may take time to find the one that's right for you, but I promise you it's out there. The church needs you.  You are one of the many parts. You have a special function. You were created to be a part of this beautiful body of believers. There is brokenness in the body, that's for sure. But lucky for us, we have a Savior who's grace covers all of our brokenness.