I Stopped Looking

I always heard "it will happen when you stop looking." And over the course of the last 3 months, I've found that statement to be entirely true. But not for the reasons I thought. 

I always heard that statement, and thought it was just the way the universe worked. It can make it feel an awful lot like God is just sitting up there basing your future husband on your current behavior. Like, the second you say "okay God! I stop looking!" He says "Congratulations! Now you may have the man of your dreams!"

It can really affect a girl's motives when she thinks that God is waiting on her to bring love into her life. At least for me, it did. Until it didn't anymore. Until one day, it finally clicked that God doesn't work that way. My behavior never earns blessings or punishment. It absolutely yields consequences, but it doesn't change the way God feels about me. His timing is perfect, and He's not waiting on me for anything. 

But like I said, I do believe it happens when you stop looking, this love thing. And allow me to explain why. 

I stopped looking. For just over 6 months prior to meeting Peej, I completely eliminated dating from my life. And in those 6 months, my entire mindset about dating and relationships and love changed. 

God took me on an adventure in those 6 months. It's not like I stopped noticing boys, or stopped dreaming about one day falling in love and living happily ever after. I did notice boys, and I did dream of love. Very much so. 

In those 6 months though, I took a step back. For the first time, I started seeing things clearly, and it's probably because I was seeing them from a distance. I started really realizing the qualities I was looking for in a man. And you know what, I don't think it was just the qualities that I was looking for. I think God used that time to show me what He wants for me. How sweet is that? He's such a protective and loving Father. 

My whole life, I would find myself attracted to and dating men that were entirely different than the things I claimed I wanted. For the first time, in those 6 months I saw my attractions change. I found myself attracted to the characteristics on that list that God was writing for me. 

When I stopped looking, I stopped settling. Not necessarily settling in regards to people, I don't like to speak about people like that. I mean settling in regards to love. 

I wanted a specific type of love. I wanted a love that brought butterflies to my stomach, and fire to my heart. I wanted a love that was safe, a love that was honest, and real. I wanted a love full of laughter, and adventures, and passion. I wanted a love that fully captured my eyes and my heart. I wanted a love that was shared, and strong enough to withstand trials. And most importantly, I wanted a love completely centered on Jesus. 

When I was looking, I was settling for less than that love. When I finally felt like enough on my own, when I finally felt like God's love was enough to satisfy that hunger in my heart, I stopped looking. And when I stopped looking, I stopped settling. 

I had clarity when I met PJ. I was able to meet him, and though I was swooning over his handsome looks and incredibly kind words, I was able to keep my mind focused on the goal. The goal was a life full of God's best. 

I knew God's best would be nothing short of the love that my heart desired. So I asked the tough questions, and had the serious conversations, and with the aid of some light-hearted sarcasm and joking, I got my answer. And I got it fast. 

I think it happens when you stop looking, because when you stop looking, it's a lot easier to start thinking. To think about what you want, and to think about what you don't. And to discern when you meet someone which category they fall into, and act accordingly.  

I'm so grateful for those 6+ months sans-dating pre-Peej. I'm so thankful for what they did to my mind, and my heart. I can honestly say I would not be capable of this kind of love without the serious work God did in me in that season. 

After all, there's no reason to look with God, is there? He really is enough. And He really is capable of bringing the very best of love stories into our life, isn't He? 

And because I haven't yet said it on any form of social media, allow me to say it here first. This is where it all started anyhow, it's only appropriate. 

I am insanely in love with this man.