Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Him, not Me

We had four church planting teams, and one medical team. The medical team rotated between the four church planting locations, and because our team was up on the mountain near multiple villages, we were blessed to host two different medical clinics. 

As we set up for that first clinic, I just about lost it. I was so overwhelmed, in every sense of the word. I walked around the entire time with tiny tears welled up in my eyes. 

I was overwhelmed with watching God work in a mighty and powerful way right before my very eyes. Overwhelmed with His goodness, and the massive weight of how much He loved these people. 

In that picture above, you can see people lining up in the background. As I tried to process all that was about to happen, the amount of people who were going to tangibly experience the provision and love of Christ, my heart couldn't handle it. And apparently, my tear ducts couldn't hold it together either. 

But you know what else I was overwhelmed with? Me. On this day, I became incredibly aware of my own sin. I couldn't ignore my own self centered nature that was staring me in the face. 

I became aware of this because of how many times I thought of myself on this day. 

"I want to do something important."

"I want to do something radical."

"I want to serve."

"I want to be used."

You may read that and think "But those are good things to think, right?" And to a certain extent, I would agree with you. But the thing is, we have to look deeper than the actions. We have to look at the heart, the motivation, what's beneath the surface. And on that morning, setting up for that medical clinic, I became extremely aware of what can be underneath my surface. 

I became aware of my competitive nature. I became aware of my insecurity, and my jealousy. 

But guess what? There was purpose for that. 

My competitive nature could have won. My insecurity could have won. My jealousy could have won. Heck, the enemy could have won. 

But none of those things did. Because I took those nasty feelings, and I owned up to them. I acknowledged them, I confessed them. I opened my hands with all of my sin, and the Lord graciously washed them with His mercy and grace. 

On that day, I learned a valuable lesson. I felt His powerful voice whisper to me, "Amy, what is the purpose here?"

For people to experience the love of Christ. 

Did it matter who was used in that? Did it matter if they experienced Jesus through a nurse, or through our amazing Ugandan evangelism team, or through a different member of my ministry team? Did it matter if I was used in that, or if someone else was? No. 

Because it's all about Him! It's not about me. 

The second I recognized that, peace fell over me. I was free to serve where the Lord led me to, without needing to compare myself to where others were serving. I was free to rejoice in what God was doing through my team members, without feeling insecure if I hadn't been a part of it. 

I was overwhelmed that day, all right. Overwhelmed by an incredible God, and His incredible grace. I hope to never stop being overwhelmed by that. 

A special note to those who financially supported this trip: 

You helped give those wheelchairs away. You helped give those crutches away. You helped give those reading glasses away. You helped give that medicine away. 

And every single person who came through those medical clinics made their way through an evangelism station afterwards. The station was filled with native Ugandan believers sharing the gospel with their fellow Ugandan brothers and sisters. 

So yeah, you helped with that too. Thank you for letting God work through you!


Gen Delali said...

Aww, this is so, so, good. You made a great point there; what matters is that people get to experience the love of Christ.

Leah said...

awesome amy, just awesome. love what God has done.

Kerrie Williams said...

I've experienced exactly that Amy. I love what God showed you through it. All too often I find that understanding way after the fact. All too often pride and insecurity wins. Love you!

Ashlee Chu said...

Radical faith, indeed. Wonderful to read your journey and stories full of faith and truth. Keep up the good work.