I was sitting in Starbucks, doing homework, when I finally surrendered to something God had been whispering to my heart for weeks. "Put it down," He gently suggested. "Sign out of the account. Delete the app, if you have to. Whatever it takes, put the social media down. Seek Me instead."
Over time, I had noticed it. I had chosen to ignore it, suppress it, deny it, but it was still there. The comparison that was eating away at my joy. The friend who got engaged, the one getting married, the one re-launching her new and improved blog, all of these things that I was not doing.
And I supported and rejoiced for all of these friends, I did! But there was something else going on in my heart, even if I didn't want to acknowledge it.
That nasty comparison was not only sucking up my joy, but replacing it with something dangerous: envy.
All the ignoring, suppressing, and denying could not change the fact that something ugly was brewing in my heart. Here I was, in quite possibly one of the most blessed seasons of my life, and I was so focused on everything around me that I was missing it.
I don't want to miss the time of dating the man I've dreamed about for years. I don't want to miss the blessing of pouring my heart and time into studying the Bible through seminary school. I don't want to miss the people and opportunities God puts in from of me every day. I don't want to miss it because I'm too busy scrolling through pictures of other lives and thinking about what mine is not.
And so, I'm giving in to the still small voice in my head saying "Put it down, Amy."
I'm giving it a week, maybe longer if needed.
There is so much beauty in social media, so many ways that I see God glorified. My personal walk with the Lord would not be what it is today without the example and influence of so many godly women I've met through the internet.
This fast won't last too long, God willing. But long enough to lift it all up as an offering, and say "God, this can't replace You."
There is something wonderful and crazy about being known and seen, but it can't replace being known and seen by the One who created me. I want to be sure I can hear His voice above all the others.
And that's where I'm at today. Humbly standing before God and admitting the condition of my heart, while simultaneously dancing and rejoicing at the thought of just how much He can move and heal and restore when we're willing to put things down for more of Him.
That's what I'm craving, more of Him. Because I know my pictures and posts and tweets are nothing without a heart full of Jesus as the source.
Happy Saturday, friends! <3