I found myself staring at the perfectly baby blue sky and shimmering ocean, serenaded by the repetitive, evenly paced waves and adorable toddler voices from the nearby park. It was an unexpectedly free lunch break, and I was in my "I need a breather" spot. My happy place, where I can manage the comfort of my car and the beauty of the beach at the same time.
I read for a bit, leisure reading that has been set aside now that school is back, and reserved 15 minutes for a recline-the-seat-nap. I've been told that I have a skill for managing a solid nap in just a handful of minutes, and sister, that's the truth.
What I don't have a skill for? Slowing my mind down.
I remember mentioning to a guy in high school how odd I found it that our minds can never be silent. "Mine can," he said.
"No, it's really not possible!" I asserted. "Like, even if you try to think about nothing, you're thinking about thinking about nothing."
"No" he responded, "there are really times where I think about nothing."
I didn't believe him.
It wasn't until yearsss later that I remembered that conversation and realized maybe he was right. Maybe not all minds are as busy as mine.
Sitting at the beach on my lunch break, I was keenly aware of my busy mind. With school back in session, my week days can get awfully repetitive. Work - homework - repeat. I was craving a few moments of a slow mind, and even though I knew I would be asleep shortly, my brain wasn't allowing me the quiet I craved.
"Lord, please teach me how to relax," I prayed. "Please teach me how to slow down."
I just posted on busy vs. full, and though I hate to admit it, my current season has busy written all over it. I'm finding myself with a lot more "no"s than "yes"s, a lot more scheduled days than free.
And staring at the beach, I figured something out. I've been fighting the busy. I've been fighting against it because I don't want to be defined by it, because I have this image of being free and surrendered and busy just doesn't fit into that.
But I realized that I need to stop fighting it. I need to stop fighting, and start asking. Start asking God to slow down my days. Start asking God to relax my mind. Start asking God to free up my schedule when it needs to be freed, and to give me peace with the to-do list when that's what's before me. I need to start asking God to help me embrace a full life versus get lost in a busy one.
I'm asking God to help me find slowness amidst the fast pace.
And so far? I'm finding it. I'm finding slowness in the freedom to take a study break and let my heart pour out into a blog post.
I'm finding slowness in doodling love scribbles on post its.
I'm finding slowness in pausing to reflect on what a beautiful life this is, and how faithful our God is to have fulfilled a dream of going to seminary school.
I'm finding slowness, and I'm clinging to it. I'm asking for more of it. Because this life is too wonderful to be rushed.