31days // Accountability

Today, I'm here to talk accountability. And not to guilt you into sharing all that dirt in your closet. But because this is something that has truly transformed my pursuit of purity. It changed everything, guys. 

You see, I made the decision to pursue purity. And for the first few months, I was amazed at how simple it seemed. Boom, God flipped a switch in my heart, and suddenly I craved His way instead of my old sinful way. Or so it seemed, until one day it wasn't so simple. 

I look back now, and realize that it wasn't quite as black and white as I had thought. I was still very much allowing old habits to creep into my thoughts, and my lifestyle. It was only a matter of time before the temptation crept up, too. If I was still walking the same path, the destination wasn't going to change, no matter how much I wanted it to.  

And so, I reached a point where I was very much living a double life. I was going to bible study, getting plugged into in my community group, and attending church every week. I knew I wanted to strive for purity in relationships, but my actions weren't matching my intentions, because I was knee deep in a battle of sin. A battle that no one really knew about, or at least no one who could pour truth into me. 

I knew I couldn't do it, keep up this balancing act. I had to choose, continue living my old life and give up the new one, or ditch the old one completely. Why was it one or the other? Because living with one foot in each left me miserable in both. And honestly, I knew what I had to choose. I couldn't go back to the old life, not when I knew the new one was the only way. I had tasted Jesus, and there was no way in heck I was giving that up. 

So something had to change, and thankfully, God helped me figure that out. I met a friend for lunch one day, right in the thick of my intense battle with sin. I didn't mention it to her at the time, but instead, I listened to the beautiful love story that God was writing her. Tears fell from my eyes as I realized He wanted to write one for me, too. And this entangled mess of temptation and sin was not what His story included. 

There is no doubt in my mind that what happened next was from God Himself. Through teary eyes, I asked this friend if she would consider mentoring me. I told her she should most definitely pray about it, but she didn't have to. She said yes right away. 

This woman was by far the most Spirit filled person I had ever met. I met her on the Boston Prayer Tour, and I am fairly certain that she literally mentioned Jesus to every single person we encountered that weekend. If you had told me then, that she would become the person I would confess all of my mess too, I would have laughed. And, I probably would have been afraid. 

It happened so naturally. We started meeting weekly, and the conversation would flow each and every time. Usually, the tears would flow, too. I started telling her everything, all of my struggles and temptations and sins. And you know what she did in response? She showered me with the grace and love of Jesus. 

She never once judged me. She never once condemned me, and she never once made me feel shameful. Instead, she inspired me. She helped me trek through my battle with sin, and continues to do so today. Never once has she gotten weary of the burden. 

Through all of this, I realized the power of confession, and accountability. The fact of the matter is, I can't hide anything. I don't want to. Because the second I start hiding things, is the second I go back to living that double life. And why hide things, when there is no condemnation? The Bible tells us so. {Check out Romans 8:1}

So friends, if you don't have someone already, I encourage you to find someone who can handle all your junk. Someone who knows and loves Jesus, and knows and loves you. Someone who understands that His grace covers all, but also that His Spirit frees us to abstain from the very sin that requires grace in the first place. 

That temptation you feel? Tell someone. That sin you committed? Tell someone. 

There is freedom in confession, my friends. I would know. I have to do it a lot. ;)

Love you all. 

And thank you, Karen. Thank you for being a faithful servant of Christ, and for loving me and supporting me through all of my trials and stumbles.