Confessions from a Runner

I love running, I really do. I love the feeling of pushing myself farther than I thought I could go. I love feeling the muscles in my body work together to push onward with each stride. And I love blasting worship music to remind me of Who gave me this healthy body to run with in the first place.

I love running. But lately, I haven't been in love with it.

{Sounds like I'm breaking up with it, huh?}

Maybe, it has to do with a lingering half marathon that I know I'm not nearly as prepared for as my last one. Maybe it has to do with some stitches that kept me off my feet for a while. Whatever it is, it has me dragging my feet before a run. It has me putting it off until tomorrow, or choosing to stay in bed juust a bit longer before I hit the trails. 

I've been off my game lately, and I'm not afraid to admit that. 

I wanted to write this out, because I know I'm not alone in this. I know I'm not the only person who has a love-hate relationship with running. Or working out at all, for that matter. I know I'm not the only one who can feel the discouragement of knowing I'm not as ________ (insert fast/strong/in shape/word of choice) as I used to be. 

But you know what? I learned something this past weekend. I was reminded that regardless of how fast I run, or how long I run for, or how good (or bad) I feel after the race, 

I still finish. I still achieve. I still accomplish. 

I stopped to walk during this past 10K. I haven't done that when running on my own since I was training for my first 10K back in February. It was kind of this daunting thing hanging over me, I knew it would eventually happen. I knew I would one day have to stop and walk during a run, but I didn't know how I would feel. Would I be upset? Would I be discouraged? 

Well, I don't have to wonder anymore. It happened on Sunday, while running up one of the bigger hills. It was time, it was time to stop and walk. "Is this it? Am I done running?" I thought to myself. I knew it wasn't, but I think I just had to ask myself. I just had to remind myself that no, this isn't it. Yes, it's okay to stop and walk. 

I stopped to walk one other time before crossing that finish line. And you know what? That's okay! I only took 6 extra minutes from my last 10K, but really, that doesn't matter. Even if I had doubled my time, I still would have finished feeling like a champion. 

That's how running works, it's a journey.  Some days you kill it, and some days you don't. But every time you get out there and run? 

You finish. You achieve. You accomplish.

Photographed by Kevin Steele