Hello My Name Is...

In January of 2012, I accepted my need for a Savior. I accepted that I needed to surrender my entire life to Christ, and trust that He would make something beautiful of it. 

Little did I realize that in order for Him to make something beautiful of my life, He would first have to do a lot of work with my heart. 

You see, by the world's standard, I would say that I was a pretty good person with a pretty good heart. 

But the more I got to know Christ, the clearer it became to me that seeing things through God's eyes and seeing things through the world's eyes are two very different things. 

According to the world, my heart was just fine. 

But the world couldn't hear my thoughts, or understand the motives behind my actions. The world couldn't see the deep insecurity behind every good deed. The world didn't understand that I was using every accomplishment, every honorable action, and even every friendship as building blocks to create a ladder. A ladder that would keep me far, far away from my fear of failure. 

A sweet friend wrote a beautiful post on fear this week. She wrote that fear is more than just a word. That it's something that can take over your life. And she so boldly confessed that it had taken over her own life. 

This week, I realized that fear has taken over my life, too. 

I have an intense fear of not being enough. A fear of going unnoticed. 


And I mask this fear by searching for recognition. And that quest for recognition has manifested itself into a competitive nature in my heart that sits and stews to birth bitterness and jealousy. 

One not-so-tiny fear of mine has now created a competitive, bitter & jealous side of my heart. One that I didn't want to admit was there, but I felt it all the time. 

And so this week, I decided that I had had enough. So I dug deeper. Why am I afraid of these things? What is the root of this fear? 

I realized that it's not being noticed that's important to me. It's not the accomplishments that I'm searching for. Or the recognition. 

It's love. My fear of not being noticed, or not being good enough stems back to a fear of not being loved. 

And as I realized this, a wave of peace came over me. 

Peace that came from realizing how irrational my fear was.

I am set free of this fear because of the love of Christ. I am set free because His love is unconditional. There is nothing that I can do to reverse it. 

And once I stop searching for love in this world, once I let go of this quest for recognition and validation, I can be free to truly give the selfless kind of love that only comes from Christ. 

Hello, my name is child set free by the love of God. 

It is so nice to meet you!



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Happy Friday, friends!