Keeping it real in 2013

Beyond crossing things off of my Bucket List, I want to go deeper in 2013.

Go deeper in my faith, in my blogging.

I want to learn, and to grow. And sometimes growth is uncomfortable.

I want to be honest going into this new year. It hasn't exactly gone as I'd hoped. I feel extremely distant from God right now, due to some of my own personal choices.

And it has nothing to do with NYE celebrations, those were actually quite mellow this year. It just has to do with making decisions that don't line up with how I know God would want me living my life.

And it's funny, a year ago, I never would have noticed these things.

But now I do. Now, I can't ignore the fact when I do something that doesn't align with the Bible.

And honestly? It's both a beautiful and rough thing. I love that God is so lovingly and gently showing me that I need Him.

But other times it's just plain hard. I will get so discouraged thinking that if I was a "better" Christian, than I wouldn't struggle with certain areas of sin that I do.

I see so many incredible, Godly, inspiring bloggers, and I can't help but think that they would never struggle with this.

And now, I can at least recognize that these are lies trying to discourage me from seeking God, but it doesn't make the lies any less painful.

So anywho, I never want to seem like I have it all figured out on this blog.

Because I am far, far from that.

And luckily, over the last year I have seen how these moments, where I feel distant from and unworthy of the Lord, they will pass.

God's love is bigger.

But this is where I am today.

Dear brothers and sisters,

when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.

For you know that when your faith is tested,

your endurance has a chance to grow.

So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed,

you will be perfect and completed, needing nothing.

James 1:2-4